A New and Better Afghan

So, I was over at the Professor’s yesterday working on W.’s afghan while she cleaned.

“How tall is your cute boy?” I asked.

“6’2″ ” She said.

“Perfect,” I said, “I’m almost done with W.’s afghan and I want someone the right height to try it out.”

“I kind of had the feeling that W. was conservative.”

“Well, yeah, me too.”

“Then you need more blue.”

“More blue?”

“I don’t know, but I’m just guessing that most conservative men don’t want a purple afghan.”

“Purple? No, it’s blue and red. See, it’s an artistic statement about the ways that people of different political backgrounds can bond over their shared love of afghans…” But folks, blue and red make purple. Prince would love that fucker.

So, off I went to Walmart this morning to pick up panty hose, pepper spray, and some darker blue yarn to try to fix things.

Would you believe that Walmart doesn’t carry pepper spray? I can buy something that will make me smell like deer piss, but I can’t buy some god damn pepper spray.

Anyway, I got to the yarn aisle and I was trying to find a dark enough blue to redeem this afghan in the eyes of my more conservative readers, when there, way down low, I saw the most beautiful green. Folks, I’m talking the kind of dark woodsy green you want to put right against your skin even before it’s crocheted into anything. A dark, manly, woodsy green.

And so then, I knew, the purple afghan is going to have to go to someone who likes to kiss boys–preferably someone who knows the joys of running your fingers lightly over a nice scruffy face.

And W. will have an afghan with this amazing green.

So, the purple afghan is going on hiatus and I’m starting W.’s today. It’s going to be beautiful, in a manly conservative way. I promise.

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6 thoughts on “A New and Better Afghan

  1. Conservative?? B?? Professor?? That hurts. I’m certainly conservative compared to y’all but the conservatives don’t want me any more than the liberals do. If it makes you feel better, my dad is a yellow dog democrat (though oddly, doesn’t seem to be liberal).

    I’d be happy with a purple afghan even though I don’t kiss boys. But I think green is better. Just so long as it doesn’t smell like deer piss.

    W

  2. Try the army navy supply store. They sell this hilarious pepper spray called “Whoop ass.” The name itself is just great.

    K.

  3. “So, off I went to Walmart this morning to pick up panty hose, pepper spray, and some darker blue yarn to try to fix things.” There MUST be a ‘hook’ for a country song in that statement somewhere…particularly the Walmart, panty hose, and pepper spray part. Hey, I’ll write the song and give you the credit for the inspiration…can I get an afghan outa that? *grin*

  4. Paul, you turn me into the inspiration for a hit country song, I’ll gladly make you an afghan.

    Aw, W., I apologize. You can see why some folks think I need to stop being so judgmental. Apparently, not only is it annoying, I’m often wrong.

    But the new one is turning out very well. I’m totally digging it and I think you’ll like it.

  5. I have to say that I don’t remeber “conservative” as much a part of the conversation and concerns about purple and pastels. I thought the concern was just “man” and whether or not you can make a purple afghan for a man you don’t know well enough to know whether he is manly enough to enjoy curling up under a purple blanket. I don’t take W to be all that conservative, at least not from the comments I’ve read thus far.

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