Compare

Things I’ve Eaten Because My Dad Thought It Would Be Okay

1.  Dry cat food

2.  Chalk

3.  A Goose Egg

4.  Lasagna with no sauce

5.  Raw Cookie Dough

Okay, I still eat raw cookie dough when I get the chance. 

Things My Dad’s Eaten Because I Thought It Would Be Okay

1. Sushi

2.  Pulled-pork barbecue

3.  Garlic Green Beans

4.  Jerk chicken

5.  Tart Apple Pie

Just saying. 

 

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12 thoughts on “Compare

  1. I will happily continue eating raw cookie dough and I have nothing against a goose egg, just haven’t searched one out to eat it.I think I’ve proven to Dad the benefits of pulled pork and jerk chicken and garlic green beans. I don’t think sushi or tart apple pie (with a big scoop of vanilla ice cream!) are going to ever happen, though.

  2. I’m with Kat, I was going to say there is some equity missing between the two lists.Why, pray tell, did your Dad have/let you eat dry cat food? Curiosity’s got me (but it didn’t kill my cats yet).

  3. We both ate it. Mr. Cat died shortly after my parents had purchased a large bag of cat foot. We were wondering if there was some way we might salvage the purchase. Eating it was not the way.

  4. Chalk? Like, actual "chalk" chalk or do you mean like Rolaids or Tums? Because that’s pretty damn chalky.And the lasagna with no sauce doesn’t seem so bad. I prefer the pasta the most. Was there at least some cheese on it?

  5. No, chalk chalk. I don’t know why. Just because, I suppose.The Shill can tell you that, in theory, it should have been okay, like some kind of elaborate mac & cheese casserole. But because my dad didn’t switch his train of thought from "I’m making lasagna" to "I’m making some kind of mac & cheese with some meat", the whole thing ended up very crunchy and unpleasant.Plus, my dad believes that there’s not anything you might want to eat that can’t be improved with some brown sugar, so keep that taste in mind when you’re imagining this lasagna as well. He claims that adding brown sugar to everything is his way of expressing our German heritage.

  6. Heh. Remind me never to let your dad decide the dinner menu.For the dry cat food, feeding it to ducks or other birds (concerns about cannibalism aside) is a pretty good way to get rid of it. We kept ducks in our backyard (in LA! Well, near LA, anyway. My grandmother was the Dean of Biology at a local college, and they were doing embryology experiments with duck eggs. Some of them hatched at the end, so we took them in), and quickly learned that if there was catfood about (we had three cats at the time, too), the ducks would eat that as readily as their own food. So we wound up feeding all of our pets the same thing.For the rest of it… that sounds unpleasant, but none too awful. My dad was always daring my sister to eat things (not me, because I have more sense than that – she’ll do most anything for a dollar). Dad: *points to a nearby pepper bush in the yard* I’ll give you a dollar if you eat one of those.Sister: *eats pepper without washing it first, runs screaming around the yard*Me: *rolls eyes, tells mom*Mom: *offers sister milk and bread, admonishes Dad*Sister: Do I get my dollar now?Repeat for a long list of random foods, and food-like objects.

  7. Oh my god! Is your dad secretly my dad? He does that shit to me all the time. "One of those pepper plants is hot and the other is mild. I think the one on the left is mild." "Oh, fuck no! That’s hot." "Then it must be the other one." "Argh! Christ. No, that’s worse!"The worst part is that I threw the remains of both peppers on the ground and Mrs. Wigglebottom, bless her heart, ate them.

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