What Kinds of Things Do You Have a Right to Know?

My cousin A. and I were talking about our Grandma A. who is both of our favorite person in the world–kind, generous, whip smart, good cook, esteemed business woman, loving, etc.–things I think that we aspire to be.
We were talking about my Grandpa and I was talking about how much he adored my cousin A.  [...]

Dancing with my cousin

I was thinking on the way up here about this idea that there are some places that don’t exist any more, at least not how you remember them, and I was thinking how tempting it is to just go ahead and indulge in visiting the place that exist only in your imagination instead of visiting [...]

“You’re not checking your email, you’re blawging.”

Well, it looks like access to the internet is going to be spotty and, as long as I’m trying to blog here at my uncle’s, I keep getting interrupted by relatives shouting questions and smart aleck comments and telling stories about returning prostitutes to their rightful places of business.
So, all this is to say that [...]

I Know There’s No Winning at “Family” but I Totally Win

The Butcher is all, “Now, B., I regularly get up earlier than you so I’ll just go ahead and get up at my normal time, take a shower, pack, and wake you up.  Then I’ll take the dog for a walk while you’re getting ready, because, we both know you’ll never be up as early [...]

Is Kleinheider Coming Around?

Today, Kleinheider says:
In my opinion, you are only pro-life if you believe abortion should be outlawed (with exceptions for rape, incest, life of the mother) at some level of government. You can be pro-life and not want a human life amendment to the constitution. You can be pro-life and prefer that the issue go to [...]

“All in all they were all just bricks in the wall”

So, we built this wall down south, designed to keep Mexicans out of Texas.  Turns out we’ve just been keeping Mexicans out of Mexico.  Some might find humor in the idea that we don’t even really know where the country full of people we’re so afraid of starts and ours ends.
I, myself, am one of [...]

Nashville Serial Killers

Okay, y’all, so I’m sitting there last night watching CBS’s news magazine wishing I had a poker player next to me, because when the kid was all “I so didn’t stick an ax in my parents’ faces while they slept,” his eyes did something funky that seemed to me as if he was saying, “Yes, [...]

Beauty, the Beast, and Weakness

I’m still thinking about Chris Benoit and I’m thinking about how sad it is that, when a woman winds up dead, if you want to find her killer, by and large, you just start interviewing the people who claim to love her and the people she said she loved and looked for the one(s) who [...]

If Only I Had Not Just Committed to Marrying “The Trailer Park Boys”

PeskyFly has a post today so genius that, had I not just decided yesterday to marry a little known (here in the U.S.) Canadian television show, I would have to propose to PeskyFly, or maybe just his penis.
Even after reading the post a couple of times, I’m not clear who exactly my crush is on.  PeskyFly [...]

Things that Made Me Smile Today

1.  Of course, my peeing neighbor.
2.  Watching the folks on Long turn the intersection with Parthenon into a defacto four-way stop when it was needed.
3.  Coming home to find that the Butcher’s efforts to clean the house has resulted in the house being dirtier than when he started.
4.  Most importantly, coming home to find the [...]

Chris Benoit

I was working on a great post about the Constitution and what an evil Constitution-crumpling super-villain Dick Cheney is, but I can’t stop thinking about Chris Benoit, who, over the weekend, killed his wife and child and yesterday hung himself.
Chris Benoit was one of my favorite wrestlers.  I can remember when he and Dean Malenko, [...]

Things We Lose When the Neighborhood Fills with $250,000 Condos

(I remain convinced that there is art to be made from the limitations of my cameral phone.  I wish that I were smart enough to make it.)
Actual conversation I had today while walking the dog:
Me to man standing in his front yard: Hey, how you doing?
Him: Oh, you know, just taking this chance to pee.

Not Quite What I Planned

My Plan for the Evening:
1.  Come home.
2.  Drink until I pass out.
3.  Pass out.
What Actually Happened:
1.  Come home.
2.  Pay bills.
3.  Sit around in the dark.
4.  Learn that Mercury is in retrograde.  Rethink dismissal of astrology.
5.  Sit around in the dark some more.
6.  Fall asleep at some point.
7.  Wake up to the sound of my oven [...]

Open Letter to Bridgett

Hey, Bridgett,
Did you get my email?
b.

Why Can’t I Parlay My Influence into Smooches?

This tickles the shit out of me.  Turns out this week I’m the 4th most influential political blogger in Tennessee.
What can I do with said influence?  Let’s see… Okay, I will make three demands.  We’ll see if they’re met.
1.  Put a 4-way stop at the corner of Acklen Park and Park Circle.
2.   Give me [...]

The Book of Love

I can’t remember if we decided that Stephin Merritt was an ass or not the last time we talked about him.  I kind of think we decided he was an ass, but so were his critics.  Isn’t that how it is?
I was trying to find that Magnetic Fields song that goes “A pretty girl in [...]

Probably Not What the Southern Poverty Law Center Has in Mind

The nephews were watching two Chinese dudes cross the road when one of them started and the other joined in with “Hit the Mexicans!”
This continued until my brother threatened to smack them. He then said, “What the fuck are you running around being racist when you can’t even tell your races apart? I [...]

In Your Face, John Keats

I’ll take you on, too, Jimmie Rodgers.
Although obesity has been linked to health problems such as hypertension, diabetes and cardiovascular disease, experts notice that among people suffering from the same ailments, those who are overweight tend to outlive those who are thin.
In the latest issue of the Archives of Internal Medicine, researchers in Hong Kong [...]

The Random Facts Meme

The Archcrone tagged me and who am I to deny her?  Here’s the rules I’m playing by:
1. All right, here are the rules.
2. We have to post these rules before we give you the facts.
3. Players start with eight random facts/habits about themselves.
4. People who are tagged need to write their own blog about their [...]

It Wasn’t All Bad

We’re driving up 8th Avenue South all tired out from eating and yelling at each other when the littlest nephew starts in about trying to figure out who’s the biggest because the biggest person is the boss (which I don’t mind, because it lets me be the boss) and he announces that, in North Carolina, [...]

Do-Right Family

I’ve been trying to post all evening, but I’m still pissed off and upset.  I don’t really know why, exactly.  I just am.
And usually, I’d write one of my great epic posts about how fucked up things are and why I think they’re fucked up and what my place in the fucked up realm of [...]

You Get What You Pay For

I can’t even tell you how my day has gone.  I will just say that this photo was taken on our second trip to Home Depot.
Ugh.

Trade Me Places

My family has been in town six hours, two of which I managed to avoid by pretending I had to stay here while they swam at the hotel because the recalcitrant brother was lost and might at any moment call and need directions.
In the time that they’ve been here, we’ve discussed why my house is [...]

If You Want to Ride It, Got to Ride It Like You Find It

I finished my guide to Illinois for Mack’s kids and put them together a kick-ass CD of songs that remind me of Illinois for them to listen to on the ride.  I’ve got “Authority Song” and “Pink Houses” by John Mellencamp, “Rock Island Line” by Leadbelly, “City of New Orleans” by Arlo Guthrie, “Sweet Home [...]

Like Uncle Walt, I Contain Multitudes

Lil’ Pasture* tried to call me out yesterday.
I would caution, however, that this system only works when there is a benevolent, homogeneous ingroup in charge. Something that wouldn’t be possible if other aspects of her ideology were carried out.
For there to us an us there has to be a them. It just doesn’t seem in [...]