Why Can’t I Parlay My Influence into Smooches?

This tickles the shit out of me.  Turns out this week I’m the 4th most influential political blogger in Tennessee.

What can I do with said influence?  Let’s see… Okay, I will make three demands.  We’ll see if they’re met.

1.  Put a 4-way stop at the corner of Acklen Park and Park Circle.

2.   Give me as much consideration for Larry Daughtrey’s job as you would Bill Hobbs.

3.  Smooches!  Smooches for me.  If you see me out and about and you recognize me, heap some smooches on me.

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8 thoughts on “Why Can’t I Parlay My Influence into Smooches?

  1. Muwahahahahah! Slowly but surely, you will be Queen of the Universe. So it is written, so shall it be done. And then you can exercise the droit du seigneur anytime you want, except it won’t be horrible and wrong at all, because everyone will leap willingly into your lap to share smooches with you. Your only hassle will be getting folks out of your lap so you can stretch your legs and take potty breaks with Mrs. W.

    Congratulations.

    And seriously, you’re much deserving of recognition, because you offer such a pleasant, open, intelligent place for discussion. Nobody is screamed at unless they’re being mean. How rare is that nowadays?

    I for one welcome our new feline-trousered overlord, the Beautemous Aunt B.

  2. Do you care where these “smooches” come from? I only ask because I’d like to prove the validity of BNN’s methodology as cheaply as possible.

    I have a golden retriever who would gladly cover you in smooches. Those would be puppy smooches. There are several homeless people in the park down the block. I could probably hire the lot of them for a case of bud. Those would be sorta smelly, drooooooly smooches.

    Either of those sound OK?

  3. Ha, okay. Maybe not homeless park people smooches, but I could go for some puppy smooches.

    Grandefille, thanks. I hope that’s peoples’ experience here. I can’t say I always live up to it.

  4. I note that Mr. Tiny Pastures is…well…less bigger than. Maybe it would help if he smooched you.

  5. Wait, Chris, Jessica Alba was for you? She showed up at my office today and I just assumed she was for me… Oops. Sorry. I hope you don’t mind her slightly smooched.

    Newscoma, I assume it’s one of those things you should be flattered by but not take too seriously.

  6. Yup, I took it with a grain of salt.
    Usually when you get kudos, there is some weird karmic thing that kicks you in the ass.
    And, umm, it’s not that important.
    I’ve been to a funeral visitation tonight. Puts things into perspective, believe me.

    Going to find beer.

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