With My Luck, I Will Catch the Black Plague

 bites.jpg

I have fleas.  Well, technically, I’m covered in flea bites, but I’m guessing that means something in the house has fleas.  The animals are all Frontlined (I believe.  The Butcher and I may have to have a talk about whether he’s been keeping the cats up to date.), but I am still riddled in little red bumps.

My fear is that my beloved computer chair may be infested.

On the plus side, my right foot, which has more bites that my left foot, is no longer swelling like a loaf of bread.  I wonder if I can use leeches to reduce the swelling on my left foot, then. I mean, I wonder if it’s a loss of blood from the flea bites that has helped the right foot.  And, if so, can I get some blood-letting done on the left?

Do barbers still do that?  Hmm.

Ha, you know, I had this idea that I would write a post about the undo influence The Addams Family television show had on me as a child, but I couldn’t really think of anything to say other than how much I loved Gomez Addams and how I couldn’t possibly pick between John Astin and Raul Julia as my favorites.

Raul Julia… See, now that’s a name a woman can whisper to her lover.  Well, if her lover is Raul Julia, I guess.  I just think those are some nice syllables.  Raaaahhhh oooooollllll hooooolllllllllleeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh.  Shoot, drag that out just right and it’ll do you for the whole act.  Ra-ah-ah-ah-ah–oooo-ooolll-hoo-ooo-ooo-lllllllllllleeeeeeeeeeeeee-ahhh.

Ha, I tickle me.

You know, the Addamses would have found something delightful about being covered in little red spots.  So, I think this ended up being a fitting post all together anyway.

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7 thoughts on “With My Luck, I Will Catch the Black Plague

  1. Have you got black rats at your place? Or prairie dogs? Otherwise, I’m afraid no plague. When you want to moan, you will have to keep moaning for Rauuuuuuuulllllll instead of for water. Sorry about that.*

    *Wrong 1960s TV show.

  2. Actually, there are a couple of diseases for which bleeding really IS the best treatment – hemochromatosis, and, in a pinch, high blood pressure (although I’d recommend a doctor and not a barber).

    And these days, doctors use leeches to encourage blood flow in reattached body parts.

    The more things change, the more they stay the same …

    And, in other news: URGHK. Been there, didn’t enjoy it much. And since the nasty little things live in the grass, in the great outdoors, they may be hitching a ride in on your ankles/the Butcher’s ankles.

    Put a light-coloured dish of soapy water on your chair, and a white sweat sock next to it. Fleas are drawn to light colours, and you can drown them in soapy water. Plain water doesn’t work as well; the soap clogs their gills (or whatever they breathe through).

  3. I seem to attract fleas as well. Growing up, when our pet dog, Sniffy, got them, my brothers would get three or four bites, while I would, I kid you not, get sixty to seventy of them. I once had literally double-digit bites on each of my four limbs one summer. Had I lived in the time of Boccachio, I’d been screwed.

    Near scalding-hot baths with Epsom salt. Good stuff.

    But you know why they’re biting you, don’t you? Cause you’re so sweet.

  4. Lee, I’m totally trying the Epsom salt thing. I need itch relief for sure. As for you, dang, you are smooth. If all conservatives were like you, I’d be in big trouble.

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