Internet Craft Project

So, I have this idea.  I want a woo-woo creepy artsy thing to put in my room with my other woo-woo creepy artsy stuff.  I want to take a picture of me looking sufficiently creepy and some moon and stars and sun and I don’t really know what all else and decoupage it onto a [...]

I Think I’m With the Police on this One

If your dog bites a police officer, chances are that your dog is going to get shot.  That’s unfortunate, but that’s a fact of life.  If you don’t want your dog to get shot by the police or you want to have a credible way to dispute the police officer’s account of what happened, keep [...]

If This is the Wrong Side of History, I Don’t Want to Be Right

Via Egalia: Less than two hours after the story hit the press, “two Des Moines men applied at the Polk County recorder’s office for a marriage license, and for the first time the application was accepted.” (It takes 3 days to get the license.)

I’m Mad at the Dog, Too, Even Though It’s Not Her Fault

The dog has a collar that looks like this: If you open it from one end, it closes again very easily.  If you open it from the other end, it is a bitch to get closed. The Redheaded Kid is notorious for opening and closing the wrong end of the collar. Fine, you’d have to [...]

Blah, Blah, Blah, I Have the Travelling Blahs

I’m getting anxious about my trip.  It’s not a big deal, just the usual nerves about going away.  I’ll be fine once the get going gets going.  I’m just trying to distract myself until then, but so far it’s going kind of crappily. Is crappily a word?  It doesn’t matter.  Spellcheck on this computer doesn’t [...]

PSST, Hey Terry Frank

The Nation of Islam is not the same as Islam and Black Muslims are not interchangeable with Muslims.  The theological differences between the two groups are about as large as the differences between mainstream Protestantism and Mormonism. I don’t know if that contradicts your point or just adds  to it or what, but I thought [...]

I Clearly Have Spent Too Much Time Looking at Porn

If there’s one thing the internet will teach you, it’s that, if you have specific enough search terms, you can find just about any type of body doing anything you can think of to any other type of body. Shoot, I spend most nights perusing sights that specialize in BSDM comics where a cute liberal [...]

In Which I Try to Be Intellectually Honest

I don’t think marriage is the default best configuration for raising children.  I don’t know why it’s so hard for me to say that out loud, but I’m going to say it. I don’t think marriage, as we sell it to people, is even a very good way for grown-ups to live. That colors my [...]

What Scholars Owe Each Other

An acquaintance I like a great deal is working on a country music book, has been for years and this person thought they’d found a publisher for it, but it turns out the publisher decided not to do it, even though it had two good reviews (and one negative one).  This person is concerned that there might [...]

Criminalizing Miscarriages

Via Rachel over at Women’s Health News comes the story of a dead fetus and the police department that loves it.  This is what it’s come to, ladies.  If the police find evidence of your personal tragedies, they will hunt you down and demand you justify to them your behavior during said tragedy. I mean, [...]

Conservatives: For a Government Small Enough to Sneek into Your Bedroom

Courtesy of Lil’ P, we learn that Martin Kennedy sees nothing funny about nor even particularly wrong with a self-hating gay man passing legislation that deliberately curtails the rights of other gay people. I will let those of you who are married without children explain to Martin how deep in bullshit he stands when he [...]

Reason Number 542 I Cannot Take PETA Seriously

They don’t like Bonsai Kitten.  And so, even though they acknowledge that “no kittens were actually harmed,” they want you to sign a petition to get the site taken down. People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals has so little to do with its time, apparently, that they’ve now taken up for imaginary animals. In [...]

Oh, AP, You Tickle Me

Lil’ P reports on this hilarious line from the AP: New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg, a divorced, billionaire dad, said Tuesday that unwed fathers increase poverty and the government should take steps to get them back with their families. Oh, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Bless Lil’ P’s [...]

God, That Michelle Malkin is Such a Lee

Lee says: Calling a man ‘girly’ isn’t insulting to women, no more than calling a woman ‘manly’ is insulting to men. It’s insulting towards the person who is being called the term, and really isn’t that nice. But it is not the disparagement of an entire gender to do so. I have but one question [...]

Sean Braisted, If I Had Not Just Gotten Out of One Sham Marriage, I Would Totally Sham Marry You

Sean Braisted  says: Dave, while good at dispensing advice such as “eat rice and beans” and “don’t buy stuff you don’t need”, isn’t exactly a public policy expert. Ramsey is the quintessential wealthy Williamson County Republican who thinks Social Security, et al, are just socialist schemes which take away from the duties of the Church. [...]

My Magical Cooter

The longer I read conservative bloggers, the more convinced I become in their belief that my cooter has magical properties. I could, for example, not want to have a baby, but, if only the State could coerce me into passing a baby through my cooter, it would transform me into good mother who would be [...]

Martin Kennedy, I Cannot Believe I Have to Explain this to You

There may come a time when you have to kill a dog.  Here are a list of acceptable ways to do so: 1.  Take it to the vet and have it put down. 2.  Shoot it, preferably in the back of the head. Here are just a few unacceptable ways of killing dogs, as taken [...]

Satanic Panics

Okay, Bridgett, I have totally failed to come up with relevant questions about witchcraft, but here’s what’s been nagging me.  In the book I’m reading, it’s kind of clear that the definition of “witch” can be as loose as “someone who’s in league with the devil,” whether or not they practice magic. And it’s clear [...]

Madras Bhavan

For those of you who knew about that nice little Indian Buffet on Church that seemed to disappear, well, it’s back.  And it is amazing.  Seriously, the food is the best Indian food I’ve ever had.  Each thing had about three flavors.  Let’s take the chicken tandoori.  First, you’d taste the kind of pinky-pinkness and [...]

Schoolgirl Crushes

I think one of the reasons I’m a good blogger–okay, fine, a great blogger, the best blogger you read–is that I have and have had for as long as I can remember, a running interior monologue that just don’t really shut the fuck up, which I have channelled, in part, into this. Seriously, if you [...]

They Were the Best of Duplexes; They Were the Worst of Duplexes

So, both sets of duplexes that Mrs. Wigglebottom and I have been watching take shape over the course of our morning walks appear to be done. I can only judge from the outside. But judge I must. 509 & 511 Acklen Park are on the market for $699,000 a piece. Though they are cuter than [...]

I Learn About Corporate Personhood the Hard Way

Sorry I was out of pocket yesterday. I got married. It was very unexpected. I’m not pregnant or anything, just this guy I’ve been in love with my whole life was finally like, “Let’s Go For More!” and how could I turn him down? Let’s just be frank. I have been putting this dude in [...]

Also, I Have Had to Fire the Dog

After the Butcher sassed me about my pizza-making skills, I ordered Mrs. Wigglebottom to eat him.  You’d think that this wouldn’t be a problem, seeing as how she is such a vicious killer programmed by nature to destroy babies, children, and the good-hearted, but the dog utterly refused to eat the Butcher on my command. [...]

Thanks to Jag

I can go around singing to Mrs. Wigglebottom: My dog will not change. My dog will not change. She just runs around in circles While I’m calling her name.

“Aunt B.! Aunt B.! Put on Some Music and Dance With Me!”

Nieces and nephews, today we’re shutting our office doors and dancing around to Doug Kershaw’s “Diggy Diggy Low.” Here’s what I recommend. Hit play, stand up, bend your knees, start your hips rolling north, east, south, west, with a little hiccup in each direction. Reach your hands up over your head, spread your fingers like [...]