Scared Straight

I have some acquaintances I made this summer who I love dearly, who are planning a trip to Memphis, to Graceland.  They’re planning on driving.
It was all I could do to not throw myself on the ground and beg them to reconsider.
I didn’t, though.  I encouraged them to come, told them how everyone should see [...]

Please Be a Strip Club, Please Be a Strip Club

Short and Fat may have to go to the Fertile Crescent.
I really, really hope the Fertile Crescent is a strip club.  Or a new pastry at Starbuck’s.
And not the cradle of civilization.

The Man from GM Offers Advice

“Get an old man to dote on you and spend his money on you.”
“I couldn’t just take a dude’s money just because he liked me.”
“Yeah, you need to get over that.  Take the old man’s money and fuck whoever you want, men and women.”
“I don’t know.”
“Grow up, B.”

In Which It’s Fine for Frey to Lie, But Unseemly for Oprah to Do It

I caught this YouTube clip over at Andrew Sullivan’s and it about made me have to hang my head in shame.  Seriously.  Listen to Nan Talese talk with such dripping contempt about how Oprah supposedly sold James Frey out because her “fans” demanded that Oprah not stand by a book that wasn’t true–a book, may [...]

Today is the Worst Day of the Butcher’s Life

The Butcher is literally at home hiding in the dark because terrible things tend to happen to him on August 1st.  I can’t remember them all, but arrests, accidents, losing jobs, etc.  The rest of August has been known to not be so great for him, too, but if he can make it through today, [...]

In Which I Channel Charlemagne

Bill Hobbs asks: Will Europe Survive the 21st Century?  He then quotes a few lines from an essay with that same name:  “What would Charlemagne make of Europe today? …. How long, the Emperor would surely ask, can a civilization expect to survive without arms, without faith, without children?”
Well, you know, I hate to leave [...]