Oh, Show Me the Way to the Next Sex Toy Shop. Oh, Don’t Ask Why. Oh, Don’t Ask Why.

For if we don’t find the next sex toy shop

I tell you we must die.

I tell you we must die.

Oh, moon o’er Alabama,

We now must say good-bye

We lost our case before the Supreme Court,

But I must have sex toys or I must die!

Doo-doot-do. Doo-doot-do.

Can you believe there are folks out there who don’t like The Doors?

Anyway, via Rachel comes the sad news that our fellow cootered Americans cannot buy sex toys in Alabama. Alabamans, if you need some kind of underground dildo smuggling, I’m free most Saturdays.

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20 thoughts on “Oh, Show Me the Way to the Next Sex Toy Shop. Oh, Don’t Ask Why. Oh, Don’t Ask Why.

  1. There could be a nice trade route, you know. Buy sex toys here; drive up to Kentucky for cheap cigarettes; back down to Alabama to sell the sex toys; back here to sell the ciggies. If gas doesn’t go too high I think it would pay.

  2. nm, I’m imagining us as a band of sex toy smuggling outlaws. :) The Alabama ladies can still own and buy the toys online (IIRC), but c’mon, is that any substitute for being able to pick one out in person?

  3. Rachel, I refer you to my comments over at your place as to why I hate sex-toy shops.

    If they could make one which didn’t smell like vinyl and strawberry gas station air-freshener, I’d be there.

    I’d also like it if they did away with things like purple carpeting.

  4. No kidding! You look at some of those things in the Hollywood Hustler store and they’d about split a person in two. I’d hate to think I was buying a six inch dildo only to open my box and find it was three feet long and six inches across.

    And hell, if not for Sarcastro, I’d still not be sure which end of the pig-tail buttplug went where. Who helps folks online with that stuff?

    I wonder if there’s a market for a female friendly sex toy shop at the Pulaski exit, where women from Alabama could just drive up and visit us?

  5. Kat, I know, I dislike the same things, I just like to see the goods in person (which may be why I never looked for dates online, either) :)

  6. Aside from which, it seems totally disingenuous to pass a law banning stores from selling them, but not individuals from owning them or ordering them online. It’s like, “We just don’t want it to *look* like anybody buys sex toys, even though it’s really none of our business.” Argh.

  7. Aside from which, it seems totally disingenuous to pass a law banning stores from selling them, but not individuals from owning them or ordering them online. It’s like, “We just don’t want it to *look* like anybody buys sex toys, even though it’s really none of our business.” Argh.

    Well, yeah. That is stupid. I mean, I’m all for having sex shops on every corner. As long as I don’t have to shop there.

    And you know what, I’ll be honest about one more thing. I’ve long passed the point of minding when people evaluate what I buy at the grocery store, but I do not like people evaluating what I buy at the sex toy shop.

    Yes, I like one that size and yes, I like it in that colour. Go pound sand.

  8. The Alabama ladies can still own and buy the toys online

    But in Tennessee we can’t order wine online. I can’t tell you how much I hate, hate, hate not being able to drink the wine I like because none of the shops here carries it and I can’t afford the markup for them doing a special order.

    But one question: you and B have both referred to women not being able to buy sex toys. And that sucks, of course. But my impression was that the law says that men can’t buy them either.

  9. Kat, I used to not like going into Hustler. But when the Pure Life kids were outside, they changed everything. I liked being able to smile at them. Not that they could see me, of course.

  10. Ha! I felt like such a criminal the time that I organized a bachelorette party in Alabama with strippers and some various sex toys necessary for party games. I did not know before I got there that they were illegal ( a feminist and local policewoman told me at the party). I could not believe it! I remembered that in NC at the time you couldn’t shop from Adam and Eve online, but it was OK to go to their nearby warehouse and shop.

    I thought getting the strippers buck naked or bringing in lots of alcohol with TN tax stamps were the most illegal things we had planned, but as it turned out the glow in the dark vibrators were the lawbreakers. No wonder they turned out to be such popular party favors.

    You just never know.

  11. Just a thought, but do you think it was probably mostly males who were behind the sex toy ban? I’m wondering of it had more to do with straight male insecurity than with morality (“we can’t have these bitchez pleezing themselves, and without our glorious man-meat to boot!”)

  12. Isn’t there a big Trojan condom factory in Alabama? That seems … inconsistent somehow.

    Also, I don’t like the Doors but I love access to sex shops. Yeah, they’re generally revolting and tacky (the sex shops, I mean) but the fact that I can freely go to one in Virginia and then stop off at the Starbucks next door for some tea makes me happy.

  13. I’m much to lazy to read this law, and I don’t really like going to Alabama, but is there a provision that would prevent me from loading up the truck with donated dildos and vibrators and ferrying them down?

    Not to sell them, just hand them out like water or food in some kind of Katrina relief effort.

    I’m sure Katrina would appreciate it.

  14. Here’s someone that I know doesn’t like The Doors:

    http://nashvilleknucklehead.blogspot.com/

    Also… I expect that some adult toy stores online probably won’t ship to Alabama, even tho they are not required not to. Usually when a state passes a law like that in the state, they wind up being on the no-ship zone for a significant amount of X-rated stuffies…

  15. > I’m wondering of it had more to do with straight male insecurity

    If that were the case, they would probably allow any sex toy less that 2-inches in length. :-)

    > Isn’t there a big Trojan condom factory in Alabama?

    Ansell has a large factory in Dothan, AL but I don’t know which brands they eventually get sold under.

    Aunt B., wrt the phrase “cootered Americans”, wouldn’t that mean “an American who has experienced a good cootering”? For one possessing a cooter, how about “becootered Americans”? :-)

  16. Pingback: SayUncle » Dildon’t

  17. I reckon someone could get in more trouble selling dildos in Alabama than carrying a loaded weapon.

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