One thing I’ve noticed repeatedly is how many folks, in the face of criticism, especially criticism that has to do with how one has gone about achieving something that might be considered success, is that the criticizer is just jealous.
I don’t think it takes a genius to see what an effective means this is to get someone to just shut up.
But I’d like to, just for a second, speak on behalf of jealousy.
Because, frankly, my friends, there’s nothing wrong with being jealous. I’m jealous that folks own houses and I don’t. I’m jealous that there are many more places men can go by themselves than I can. I’m jealous of people who are rich. I’m jealous of how the Butcher lets troubles roll right off him.
I don’t want you to not have a house. I don’t want you to not be able to go places by yourself. I don’t want you to not have money. I don’t want the Butcher to fret more about things he has no control over.
I just want those things, too.
And when it comes to social justice issues, why shouldn’t folks who don’t have what most folks take as ordinary be jealous?
I think the problem is that we’ve conflated covetousness with jealousness.
To me, jealousness is born of recognizing that you have just as much right to something that someone else has and wanting it, too.
Covetousness is jealousy that curdles into “I will ruin your good thing, because I want it.” Covetousness is no good and, yes, it’s true that many people sprint right through jealousy into covetousness. But jealousy, all but it’s lonesome is, I think, a useful emotion.
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I suppose all emotions can be useful, or at least informative. Certainly Jealousy is useful if it prompts an individual to make a postive change. (Similarly, anger.)
Of course, in the quest for social justice, if one is on the righteous side, there is scarcely an emotion that is not justifiable, useful, maybe even necessary.
I know there are large groups of people who’s whole life is centered around social justice, politics, environmentalism, etc. But I think the majority of the people in this country are not really interested in any of those things except in as much as it affects there own little world. That’s why so many people still shop at Walmart, eat at McDonalds, and vote with their “gut”.
So I’m going to put my focus on those that don’t have the big picture problems, but to those regular everyday pokes we all get.
On a personal level, jealousy in it’s best form is best expressed privately – unlike the kind expressed as criticism in the face of “success”. In addition, it is often expressed by devaluing a success. Another sentiment that perhaps is best expressed privately and with reflection. Often what one is feeling jealous about really ISN’T worth the sour taste and therefore devaluing the success can give one peace.
But what if Jealousy is telling me that I DO want, and I SHOULD have…But I can’t. Then Jealousy is wrestled to Humility. A very useful excercise.
And if I CAN have?… Then Jealousy…meet Inspiration.
[...] always, Aunt B. lays bare truths. This time, it’s on jealousy – what it is, what it isn’t, and suggesting a more accurat… (I think I have some older entries to [...]
I think, though, that your definition of ‘jealousy’ is closer to what most people mean by ‘envy’ than it is to what’s implied by the accusations of jealousy that are used to deflate criticism. Because the implication in those deflections/deflations is ‘my critics aren’t capable of achieving what I have.’ That may not be true, of course (usually it isn’t). But it is absolutely intended to undercut the use of whatever-you-want-to-call-it as a spur to focus and self-improvement. It is a suggestion that competence, ability, insight, possessions, whatever — that all of those things are zero-sum.
Jealousy is an “outlaw emotion,” which means that (like anger and pride) it’s one of those emotions that we’re not really supposed to feel. And it is an emotion that lets you know something is missing or wrong, so it is a tool… an epistemelogical tool.
This is my favorite kind of post: what you’re saying sounds a lot like theory I’ve read, but you’re arriving there because it makes good sense. Theory based on practice, rather than the other way around. : D
Oh, good grief. I’m days behind in my blogreading, and I just now figured out what prompted this post. Damn.