I wanted to write a post about stubble, about how I like to rub my fingers across a stubbly cheek and how I sometimes let the legs go a little longer between shavings than I should because I like the prickle and I was going to write an ode to how much I like the kind of raw reminder of kissing a stubbly faced man.
But, alas, now I’m all fixated on whether I am fucking things up. That there are important things that need to be said in ways that would force people to l should be saying. But because I’m off crocheting genitalia or talking about plants or dropping “fuck”s here or there, people don’t take me as seriously as they should.
But here’s the thing. I don’t think people should take me seriously. I’m not the most qualified person to be talking about anything other than my experience of the world as seen through my eyes and filtered through me. I’ve got no other expertise to offer.
Today I got an email from a person I’m still sore at that went:
Just cruised your blog. You didn’t post anything on the girls beating some poor child with the intention of posting it and getting famous? I thought you were a social commentator? I couldn’t watch 30 seconds of that video. It was absolutely stomach turning. The girl’s parents are on youtube and I am amazed at their restraint. Maybe you did post it and I just didn’t find it.
And I have no idea what the emailer is talking about. I don’t know about any girls beating anyone else for any reason. And I don’t know what it means that I’m supposed to be some kind of social commentator. I don’t have a beat. I’m not getting paid the big bucks or any bucks to monitor the world for fucked up shit in order to comment on it and tell you what I think.
I write what I write here because that’s how my brain works.
I mean, I know it seems, sometimes, when you’re reading blogs that it’s like regular writing but free–so here’s a music blog, there’s a political blog, there’s a feminist blog, there’s a mommy blog–and everyone has their little identifiable niches you can easily stick them in.
And I guess that that’s sometimes the case, or it’s always the case in some instances. But that’s not what I’m doing.
I want to be well-thought-of, for sure. But I’m not sure I want to be a respected blogger. I don’t want people to feel like they can put their own expectations on me and hold me accountable for when I don’t meet them.
I’d rather be court jester than the king’s adviser, because one can tell the truth about the king in public and the other cannot, at least not often.
I don’t know. That’s not an entirely satisfying thing either.
Uncle says “Remember, I do this to entertain me, not you.” and I think that’s a wise position to take. I do do this to entertain me.
But come now, of course I also want to entertain you.
I just am uneasy with trying to figure out where the line between hoping to entertain you and owing it to you to entertain you in the most pleasing to you way is. Where is the line between opening myself up to you in order to reach you and shaping myself in order to reach as many of you as possible?
To use art in a general sense, where is the line, when blogging, between art and marketing?
I don’t know, I guess, the real answers to any of these things. Maybe they’re not even really quandaries.
Anyway, such mulling over seems to be going around today. Check Lindsay and her thoughtful post on mommy-blogging and Nezua and his thoughtful post on the unique features of a creative life expressed in this medium.
Filed under: Blogging & Bloggers
Ahem. You regularly check your blog stats, right? You are proud of your readership, and for good reason. I think you have some of the smartest, most engaged readers and commentors of any local blog.
The point that i have tried to make to you is that you seem intent on pointing out injustice where you see it. Thats important. You are very good at it. Like it or not, you are influential. That said, while I simply skip your ode to the cooter posts, there is that percentage of readers that will be off put by them.
Sometimes I try to figure out your intention…is it to shock? Is it to publicly proclaim your right to do so?
Sometimes, I just enjoy the post. But thats me, and there is very little you could do to lose credibility with me.
Just don’t think for a minute that you need so called expertise to be right, or to change minds. I’ve seen it work.
That was a shitty Email. Really shitty. Who is that person to tell you what to focus on, what to write about?
You write about things that interest you. People read it because your outlook on things interest them. It’s flattering to know folks want to hear your take on particular events, but answering requests or keeping a finger on the pulse of insane news is not your job. You don’t get paid to do it.
I don’t have nearly the following you do, but even I get this from my friends… I’ll be writing about x, and someone will pop up and comment “Really, your take on x is interesting, but why aren’t we talking about y?” And I feel both belittled and offended. (Interestingly, on my blog, x is usually a gender issue and y is something “bigger” that affects “everybody.”) But I think that while I have the responsibility to think critically and write carefully, I do not have the responsibility to please my audience or do their thinking for them.
If that Emailer wants a comment on the girls who beat up another girl for YouTube, s/he can go to Jezebel or some other site that covers it. Or write a post his/herself. And you can write about stubble, and your readers will variously smile, skip the post, wish they’d written the post, and/or add their own thoughts on stubble. Myself, I’m a fan.
You do realize that the “you write about crocheted cooters so therefore I feel free to discount anything you write about people with real ones, and to ignore your take on political topics generally” ploy is the oldest one in the books for ignoring feminism (and women’s concerns generally). It is, in fact, a variant on the now pervasive tactic of stripping the content out of the discussion and focusing instead on the meaning of “bitter” or on the way that those who use different words to describe genitalia than a certain local blogger are clearly libertines, so that their experiences are irrelevant.
I’m not the most qualified person to be talking about anything other than my experience of the world as seen through my eyes and filtered through me. I’ve got no other expertise to offer.
Nobody else does either, B. It’s all talk and cred. You got both.
I write about art and inspiration on my blog — and I figure that most people who could care less about it don’t bother to read it, and can click somewhere else for more interesting topics. When I want to read something provoking, I usually stop by here, because I know I can get my daily dose. Or at least a good chuckle.
I’m new to this blogging thing, and haven’t experienced anyone telling me what to write about (yet…) — but seeing as this is YOUR blog, I would think YOU could write about whatever YOU feel like — and those who don’t dig the topics can either go elsewhere or write their own blog.
I saw that video, somewhere. I think I saw it on the mommyblogs somewhere. Anyway, it’s pretty horrid. I’d link you if I could remember where I saw it.
Yes, your blog, your voice. Them that wants to write about “more important things” (like goats and immigration and kids and how to buy a used car and where not to go on vacation) have their own venue to do so. You appear to be pulling much more traffic doing it your way.
I also second nm in hoping that you’ll consider that the regulation of female political speech (it’s not legitimate unless it’s approved by men, on subjects that make men feel comfortable, in a language that makes them feel in control of the debate, framed in terms that they dictate, etc) is at the root of this. Nasty nasty girl you — you like sex and say so and have a body and describe it with pride and yet have the nerve to ALSO think deeply about community and policy and identity and art. Your defiant humanity is unsettling to some folks who like their women neatly divided into cerebral or sexy, but never fully three-dimensional.
Bridgett, it ain’t about whether or not B can or should say these things, its about what she hopes to accomplish with certain posts. She has just proclaimed that she doesn’t want the “responsibility”, so….ok. It isn’t for everyone.
Me? I’m tired. I tell B what I think, sometimes forgetting that she will inevitably make that conversation public. At some point, I’ll just shut up and we will talk about only “safe” stuff.
B, here’s the story and here’s the video that whoever wrote you was talking about…just in case you wanna read about it. It was in the news last week.
wow, I hadn’t seen that – but someone had told me about it over lunch.
And, I don’t know what I find more disgusting – the behavior of those girls or the fact that “Florida’s Water” chose to advertise their services within the video.
…you like sex and say so and have a body and describe it with pride and yet have the nerve to ALSO think deeply about community and policy and identity and art.
Wow, I just re-read what nm and Bridgett wrote, and that is damn powerful. It describes a multi-faceted, complete woman…a woman I strive to be and that the women bloggers I know ARE.
Not that my opinion amounts to a hill of beans…but, I’m back for a sec to say: I don’t want to come on here and kiss your butt and in turn be a hypocrite by implying I am 100% in agreement with everything you post here. It would be dishonest to not admit that I cringe at your crocheted cooters and pictures of asses…but hell, it’s your blog, and your business to post whatever you want to post. I believe with all my heart that your most “beloved critic” is coming at you with a good heart, as someone who wants you to succeed and be the very best “influential blogger” you can be. He’s obviously extremely invested in it…I guess because of the deep friendship you guys have developed…or because he knows you can be a voice for his cause (and many causes) in a way that he (or many of us) can’t…or maybe it’s a little of both.
Anyway, the bottom line is that you are simply one of the most brilliant writers I’ve ever known. You could choose to make TCP an all-serious issues all-the-time blog if you wanted to, but you’ve chosen not to. That’s the beauty of this forum…it’s all about YOU…as it should be.
As a newbie to the blogosphere I am, perhaps foolishly, struck by the sincerity of the relationships that have been formed through blogging. There’s real sensitivity as well as a sense of responsibility not only to anonymous readers but to eachother. The subtext here is that the people here really care about and respect eachother – otherwise there would be no need to be “sore” or hurt or defensive about what anyone asks or answers. It’s kinda moving.
Oh, hey, wait, wait. I should have been more clear (and perhaps Mack could have clarified): he didn’t send me that email. That was an economist with a much more famous last name. Well, kind of. I mean, if Mack’s last name comes from him being from a city in Spain (at some point generations back) named for Julius or Augustus, then maybe he does have a more famous last name… Anyway, it doesn’t matter.
There are two separate, yet related issues. I don’t want to conflate them, too much, or more than they’re conflated in my mind.
One is that there are a great many posts I write just for me, but there are some posts I write because I think they’re important and I do want to change people’s minds and their behavior. And I do worry that folks who need to be moved have an excuse to resist being moved because of the other stuff that comes along here.
In that regard, Mack (and other folks who bring it up; he’s not alone) is not talking about something I’m not already thinking about. And I think it’s something I owe to those important topics, to keep checking back in and clarifying my thinking about what I’m doing with them.
But I remain firmly convinced that the other topics are important, too. I mean, yes, a crochet cooter, for instance, is silly. But there are a whole lot of women out there who think that their vulvas are dirty, disgusting mysteries, who can’t touch themselves except to wipe, and who aren’t even sure what they look like down there. They could sure use a paradigm shift from bad and dirty to silly and cute.
> I’d rather be court jester than the king’s adviser
“There is no slander in an allowed fool.”
> “Remember, I do this to entertain me, not you.”
In Irish Traditional Music circles, there is something called a “Session”. The rules are more codified than just a “Jam Session”; people (usually 4-30 people) show up and play traditional tunes. This is done for the benefit of the players. If there is anyone around to listen (as often happens, since Sessions usually happen in pubs), they are called “punters”. The music is not being played for the punters, and it is considered rude for a punter to request a tune.
“I mean, yes, a crochet cooter, for instance, is silly. But there are a whole lot of women out there who think that their vulvas are dirty, disgusting mysteries, who can’t touch themselves except to wipe, and who aren’t even sure what they look like down there. They could sure use a paradigm shift from bad and dirty to silly and cute.”
What B said. She is under no obligation to make sure she never makes anyone cringe. For the record, I’ve already used the crochet cooter she made for me to explain to others who didn’t know the difference in anatomy and location between the urethra and clitoris, which I think is important and not at all silly. She is also under no obligation to quarantine a portion of herself and the things she is thinking about just so other people can feel like she is doing her “job” of blogging properly. Just because B points out injustice doesn’t mean every single thing has to be about injustice, because a girl could get damn tired and burned out if that’s all she ever thought or wrote about, ever.
Ooo, I like that: a session. I’m going to have to keep that in mind. Because, yeah, I do feel like this space is a space of codified practice, where I come to stretch out my ideas and see what they’re made of, see if they’re in working order.
And I feel like I lost my train of thought last night. But my point is that I feel like everything I do here is a kind of advocacy–even if it’s just advocacy for myself and my own well-being. And I do think it’s kind of bullshit–but not a bullshit that makes me angry, just a bullshit that frustrates me–when people don’t get that, when they feel like, because I’m not doing what they’ve come to expect of me, I’m not up to something.
On the other hand, I want to be mindful and deliberate and if it is a choice between doing things this way or reaching a wider audience, well, I just want to be sure every once in a while to check back in with myself and make sure I’m still on the course I want to be on.
She is under no obligation to make sure she never makes anyone cringe.
uh, yeah, Rachel…isn’t that in essence what I said? I mean…sometimes the posts that make me cringe are the most impactful in the long run. The fact that I admitted that some of B’s posts make me cringe doesn’t mean I think she’s under any obligation to please me or anybody else at all.
B, my unsolicited advice (again worth a hill of beans) is to not allow anybody to have that much control or power over you as to make you feel like what you are doing here is not good enough.
This space yours and yours alone.
Ginger, just general thoughts about some things others might perceive as irrelevant or silly or whatever, not specifically about your comment.
ah, cool, Rachel…I misinterpreted the “cringe” reference as being specifically directed at me because I had used that word.
I apologize for being defensive. I blame menopause.
;)
The only thing I think is really critical on defining what a given blog is about is truth in labeling. And I think you’re fine there.
If your blog is just whatever you’re thinking about, no notion of covering a particular beat, as long as that’s labeled clearly, and it is as far as I can see, then you’re fine. Those of us who want to read that will, and those who want something else can go elsewhere.
Oh, I see someone found the video for you.
I am certainly not one to attempt to dictate what one should blog about, especially when the blogger in question might not have an interest in the topic.
Given the fact that you have previously expressed an interest in the topics of intersectionality between race and feminism — and more to the point, the lack thereof — I am interested to know why you have yet to blog about this:
http://aemeliae.vox.com/library/post/stop-stealing.html
http://problemchylde.wordpress.com/2008/04/08/dont-hate-appropriate/
http://daisysdeadair.blogspot.com/2008/04/borrowing-and-appropriating_09.html
http://blogbullet.wordpress.com/2008/04/14/views-feminism-appropriation-and-racism/
http://www.feministe.us/blog/archives/2008/04/10/this-has-not-been-a-good-week-for-woman-of-color-blogging/
http://plainsfeminist.blogspot.com/2008/04/more-on-what-happens-when-you-dont-cite.html
http://hugoschwyzer.net/2008/04/09/if-its-stealing-youd-better-prove-it-on-amanda-marcotte-bfp-and-alternet/
http://fetchmemyaxe.blogspot.com/2008/04/taking-credit-for-other-peoples-isnt.html
http://offourpedestals.wordpress.com/2008/04/14/i-pledge-to-do-better-at-listening-to-women-of-color-just-not-these-women-of-color-because-theyre-mean/
http://plainsfeminist.blogspot.com/2008/04/seal-scandal.html
http://theangryblackwoman.wordpress.com/2008/04/15/standing-is-solidarity-with-my-sisters/
Fair enough. Two reasons.
One, when I first read BfP’s post, I thought it was obvious that she was right. I have nothing more to add to what BfP had to say. She was right in everything she said in that post.
I’m sad to see her gone.
Two, there seems to me to be more to what’s going on more broadly than I know or can know about. There are long histories of Marcotte and other prominent white feminists saying and doing stupid crap and other bloggers calling them on that crap and Marcotte and the other prominent white feminists refusing to get it, refusing to even attempt to wrestle with it. At least, that’s what it seems like to me. But I don’t know what all those instances are and I don’t know who said what when. I’m not on the super-secret white girl email list, but I suspect it exists. I’m also not now, nor have I ever been someone BfP is in email contact with.
There are a lot of larger conversations I’m not privy to, which is fine, I don’t want to be. I’m just saying that I don’t feel in the least bit confident weighing in on the less obvious stuff because I’m not following it all and I know only enough to know I don’t know the full contours of what’s going on.
And having been raked over the coals by Ilkya and Black Amazon for making that mistake once, I won’t be doing it again.
I’ll speak to what I know and take my lumps for that.
[...] rippling out in the feminist blogosphere (which I don’t care to rehash, though you can find some good links in this comment, if you’d like to get started rehashing it for [...]