I neglected to mention that I heard from the nurse this morning.
She didn’t really say anything, just that I’m anemic and they’re going to put me on an iron supplement and that I need to go in tomorrow to talk to the doctor about my hormone levels.
On the one hand, I guess this is good. We’re not talking about cysts or fibroids or tumors or twisted ovaries. But, in my mind, having hormones “out of whack” is what happens when you’re going through menopause and I, being just 34, would rather not be going through menopause (though I also asked my mom and it seems as if the women on both sides of our family didn’t start that stuff until they were in their late 40s, early 50s), because I’m just not ready for it to be decided that I’m not having kids.
I’m really freaked out about that.
Every once in a while, I get a bug up my butt and I think “Oh, I will work on being more presentable and then all the boys will love me and then I’ll have my pick of them and we’ll get married and it will be awesome and everyone in my family will see that I was secretly lovable all along and then I will have the most cute babies the world has ever seen and everyone will beg to eat their toes.”
But then I roll over and go back to sleep.
So, it’s my own damn fault.
But still, when you’re sitting there with the nurse and she’s asking you questions trying to determine if it’s just your life leaking out of you or if it’s something that might have shaped up to be someone else unshaping its way out of you…
I don’t know.
It’s hard.
I never imagined that I wouldn’t some day be a mom, maybe a shitty one whose kids cuss and run around with dirty knees all the time, but a mom, nevertheless, and I just don’t want to give up on that. I mean, I can make my peace with it, but I don’t want to.
Anyway, I’m borrowing trouble. I don’t know what she’s going to say. But if this blog isn’t subtitled “Worrying about shit I can’t do anything about,” it should be.
Filed under: Stories About Me
Well, keep in mind, unless you were specifically talking about estrogen, for example, “hormone levels” could mean other things. F’ed up thyroid hormones can cause wonky periods, for example. You still need more information.
I apparently have had hormone issues my entire life, while never being aware of them! It happens, and is easily corrected. See: I was able to have two kids (the first at 32 and the second at almost 38), thanks to modern medicine. Have they checked for endometriosis? I had that and that can mess things up too. Also, what Rachel said about the thyroid. ‘Roid Rage: I haz it.
It’ll all still be better when it’s figgered out.
Have you considered charting? Having six or eight weeks of temperature records would be a world of help in figuring out what your body is doing. Doctors like to do their blood draws, which they can get a lot of useful information out of. But taking blood two or three times in a cycle is just no substitute for a daily temp record.
Ha, Lyrl, I read your comment and my first thought was “How is having a top 40 hit going to help?”
I love y’all. You make me feel so much better. Seriously.
Your lovability is no secret.
I volunteer to go through the change for you. I am done, DONE with procreation and yet, month after month for what I have been told will be at least another decade, I’m stuck like I had a use for my ovaries. I’m ready for my crone party.
As for being a shit mom, my kid sailed out with a hearty “SHhhhhhhit PUPPIES!” in a Christian amusement park when she was about four. I learned to my relief that the county man isn’t lurking behind the bushes to repo younguns led astray by their mother’s vulgarity.
Another suggestion… as you think of questions write them down so you won’t forget to ask. I know it’s a simple thing to say, but it’s astonishing how my questions vanish when I’m sitting face to face with a doctor.
One of my sisters has had all kinds of hormone imbalances all over the place for years, but she’s still insanely fertile and therefore evidently not menopausing, for whatever that’s worth.
Oh, and you can have all my fertility tokens too — I don’t want to use them.
I’m 35, and I think I might be menopausal too. I have had very heavy periods for the past year or so, to the point that I have serious anemia. I also have had trouble with getting very confused and having trouble concentrating – symptoms of both anemia and menopause. The anemia makes me cold, but the apparent menopause is also giving me hot flashes. It’s weird.
Here’s a tip about iron pills: Do not take with calcium or caffeine, but do take with vitamin C. “Slow FE” is gentler on your stomach, but keep a higher-dose/quicker acting iron supplement in your purse or car just in case you are out, get light-headed and dizzy, and need a quick fix.
I have the problem that I will forget to take my iron, so then I get all worn out and dizzy and can’t figure out what’s wrong with me or can’t remember if I already took my iron. I need one of those old lady pill containers in which you put your meds in each little compartment for each day of the week.
There are so many causes for out of whack that aren’t too worrisome. I should probably listen to my own advice, but don’t give up on the thought of being a mom until if and when you decide to.
And don’t knock the charting suggestion, it really can help.