Just Make It Your Part-time Job!

Oh, my friends, here is the secret to being thin, if you’re genetically predisposed to being fat–just get three to four hours a day of moderate exercise.  That’s right.  Only three to four hours a day.
Where can you find this time?  Well, for starters, send your children to the orphanage.  You can’t work eight hours [...]

An Open Letter to the People of Milligan College

Hello, People of Milligan,
Congratulations on discovering the joys of dancing and welcome.  Well, sort of.  You see, as flattered as I am to see so many of you here, it also kind of creeps me out, because, I, of course, have no idea why you’re here, seeing as how the forum from which you’re arriving [...]

An Open Letter to MSNBC, re: Rachel Maddow

Dear MSNBC:
Why, oh why, sweet Jesus, is Rachel Maddow wearing fake eyelashes?!  She can barely keep her eyes open and she looks stupid.  Why must you glam up a perfectly hot woman with ridiculous eye fringe?
With Grave Concern,
Aunt B.

I Have to Marry My Dining Room

Okay, I can’t even keep track of all the folks I’ve threatened to marry over the years here at Tiny Cat Pants, but today I have see my future and it is the red walls of the dining room of my new house.  Mack’s wife helped me pick out the color and I was a [...]

Well, It’s not Like Fear Itself is All that Small a Thing

I’m going to admit it, America, that one of the reasons I’ve been so happily focusing on my house and the transformation of the land it sits on into a landscape of woo-woo-y-ness, is that looking square at the world lately just scares the shit out of me.
I’m pissed that the Clinton candidacy, first, and [...]

A Question for the Ages

Is it just me or is there something darkly funny about watching a “pro-life” congress critter sitting around mulling over how to do away with pre-K?

Kevin Census

I’m sorry to keep harping on this, folks, but yet again I am struck by the fact that I know no Kevins.  When I was growing up, I knew a shit-ton of Kevins–Kevin Smith, Kevin Appleton, Kevin Hill, that Kevin whose last name I can’t remember, the Kevin who ended up in rehab.  I’m just [...]