Three of a Kind

The Butcher and I are watching “Making Fiends,” which we both agree is the best cartoon we’ve seen all day.  But watching it has made us suspicious that we are being lied to about the origins of Ziva on NCIS. Please see the evidence: Ziva. Vendetta. And… Dexter. You’re going to tell me that those [...]

How It Works

Here’s the most interesting thing I witnessed this Thanksgiving break, if by “interesting” we can stretch the meaning to mean “crushingly depressing,”–a boy who gets the shit beat out of him by his step-father and who watches his mother get the shit beat out of her sitting around telling the most deeply misogynistic jokes and [...]

Dad Defends the Sex Life of Ministers… in Bed

We had Chinese for dinner and, as we were eating the fortune cookies, we taught my parents the delight of following every fortune reading with “in bed.” My dad’s fortune was something like “You will travel for pleasure and business… in bed.” “Ha, you’re going to become a male prostitute during your retirement years!” “That’s [...]

Who’s Going to Take You to the Doctor?

We had lunch with the other Reverend.  It was so good to see him and his wife.  I get a kick out of seeing my mom and dad let down their guard and be silly and naughty and just themselves. The recalcitrant brother and the nephew left right before they got here. My mom and [...]

Feel-Good Friday, The Future Will Not Understand the Past Edition

I love this song and Mom and I were laughing out asses off at the video, so I think it will count.  The best part, of course, is imagining what people of the future will make of it.  No one, I don’t think, will ever believe that Nashville was so homophobic.

Our Family Tree May End Here Today, Though

My brother is attempting to fix our dripping tub.  Avoiding a repeat of the last time he attempted to plumb for us, I insisted that Dad supervise.  That, of course, erupted into a fight because the recalcitrant brother was all saying “I need silicone” and then Dad saying, “What kind?” and him saying “Ummm, whatever.” [...]

Parents and the Family Tree

Having my parents here while filling out the family tree turned out to be very helpful.  I didn’t learn anything too exciting about my dad’s side of the family, thought we did get a great many of his aunts and uncles married off to the right people. But on my mom’s side, I was able [...]

A Joke

Thanksgiving proceedes pleasantly enough.  Only one person managed to grab a hot casserole lid with her bare hands.  I won’t mention any names, but she’s having a little trouble typing this right now. We trimmed up a bunch of stuff in the yard and now we’re burning the world’s thickest log and arguing about whether [...]

Happy Thanksgiving!

Well, the turkey is in the oven.  Every thing else is ready to go in the oven in about an our.  My brothers are over at the Butcher’s friends, watching the first half of the game on hi-def.  My nephew is playing Grand Theft Auto.  My mom is going through our kitchen looking for god [...]

I Have Questions

1.  Is it true that Osage Oranges used to be eaten by mammoths?  If so, does that mean that, since we saw a bunch of Osage Oranges at the park, there used to be mammoths there? 2.  I’ve read the Wikipedia article and I still am unclear.  Is a pony a small horse, the way [...]

Well, You’ll Never Need Another One. You’ve Crowned the King

Mary over at Libradio has awarded Bill Hobbs the First Annual Thanksgiving Jive Turkey Award.  Well, that’s got to be the end of the Jive Turkey Awards. Mary, you’ve peaked too soon!

Nashville, Do Not, I Repeat NOT, Go to Bell’s Bend Park

It seems like I’m always about a year ahead of the rest of the world when it comes to Nashville’s parks.  Mrs. Wigglebottom and I enjoyed Shelby Bottoms until it got too crowded for our tastes.  We enjoyed Percy Warner until it got too crowded and full of unleashed dogs for our tastes.  And this [...]

Taking Exador’s Advice

The dog and I are about to get in the car and go for a long, meandering ride culminating in a very, very short walk. For the record, I don’t normally take Exador’s advice, but I do think he’s right about taking the dog for a ride to lift her spirits.  If she’s really good, [...]

For Later

A lot in this that I want to talk about, but I’m dilly dallying here and I’ve got a home to get to.  But I don’t want to forget.

“Blow Our Minds, Aunt B., Blow Our Minds”

Well, if you insist, nieces and nephews. 1.  Creepy or cool?  I can’t decide. 2.  I have no words.  None.  I want a beer, a bar, and a man that smells like smoke and hard work, and a pickup truck, and this song playing while he convinces me to go for a ride.  You have [...]

Everybody’s Talking ‘Bout the Lack of a Lib’rul Agenda in Tennessee

First, Jeff Woods says: “The sky’s the limit for how crazy they want to be,” says Rep. Henry Fincher, a Democrat from Cookeville, who helpfully offered advice to the Republicans in a Scene interview. Fincher points out that Democrats lost the legislature—ironically enough for the first time since the Civil War—because white voters thronged to [...]

Speaking of True Blood

My internet boyfriend* is talking about it and pointing you to homemade videos incorporating True Blood clips.  Worth it just to revisit Bill’s amazing tub and Eric in it. Mmmm.  When we have naked man day, can we devote an hour of it to “naked men taking baths?” *Like a tv boyfriend, not someone I [...]

Walk Nostalgia

It started yesterday.  My alarm went off at 5:30 like it normally does and Mrs. Wigglebottom got up out of the bed in the other room and came in to see if I was going to get up.  I was not.  I hit “snooze.”  She wandered aimlessly around the house for a few minutes.  I [...]

What is WordPress Trying to Tell Me?

According to WordPress, the two most recent posts linking to Tiny Cat Pants are “Wake then bake” and “Buds, but a lot of stems.”  Neither of these posts actually link to Tiny Cat Pants, but they both have a certain theme in common. I don’t quite know what to make of that, but it made [...]

Aw, Sookie, Sookie, Now

In regards to True Blood, the Shill asks Also, have we discussed the completely stupid way Bill says Sookie’s name? We have not.  But now we are about to.  In full disclosure, I feel a personal stake in this matter because my dad’s sister’s nickname, given to her by Grandpa Hick, is Sookie. On True [...]

Random Things I Should Have More To Say About But I Don’t

1.  We have not even touched on the main problem with T-Pain and Ludacris on SNL, which is that T-Pain is the Pale Rider on the Pale Horse signalling the death of hip-hop.  Just like that moment when I was sitting in McDonalds and heard the elevator music rendition of “Patience” and knew heavy metal [...]

Speaking of Old Men

They break my heart.  My grandma was going out to dinner with my mom, dad, Aunt B. and her family and my grandma fell in the parking lot of the restaurant and busted up her arm.  The whole family spent the night at the hospital and they thought she was going to get to come [...]

And I Say This Being Madly in Love with Beyonce

This? Is just not as good as this. And I’m not sure why.  I think that, in James’s voice, I hear that her life has been heartache before this, that all that waiting has been difficult for her and so, while she’s relieved to find someone, she isn’t coming to him without having walked a [...]

Liveblogging the Season Finale of True Blood

Why, yes, a girl can make it from Mack’s couch to my couch in 27 minutes, just to liveblog True Blood, in case you need to know for next season. Oh, Rene, why do you have to be so fucking creepy now after a whole season of sweetness?  Oh, and so creepy are you! Is [...]

SNL Last Night

Sometimes, when we’re watching Saturday Night Live, we play a game–”What drugs would you have to be on for this skit to be funny.”  I felt that way watching Tim McGraw dressed like a turkey.  By the time we got to the skit with Ludacris, T-Pain, and some Vanilla-Ice wanna be, it was clear that [...]