Top Ten Film Characters

Joe Powell has challenged me to name my top ten movie characters of all times.  This is a slightly more difficult task than it might seem because I rarely watch movies and, when I do, you can bet I’ve picked out the shittiest movies I can find. But… 1. Han Solo & 2. Indiana Jones.  [...]

Look Upon My Bagworms!

Oh, yes, I am indeed going to show you something so gross that it will give you heebies so big you won’t even get around to getting the jeebies afterwords. Gaze, gaze, my readers.

The Garden is Tilled

Thanks to Shug coming down from St. Louis and just making it happen.  I am about to die, but she and the Butcher are out doing whatever it is the young kids do these days. The mushroom compost smells like mushroom pizza and coffee grounds, which I know sounds like it would smell bad in [...]

The Trees

I forgot to tell you about how, even though I hate the hackberries and the back one tried to kill me, I still felt bad about chopping them down–as if chopping down a live tree is a sin against nature. But, we discovered that the front tree was so rotted up the middle that we [...]

I Cried for You; It’s Your Turn, You Can Cry a While

I still do not have my motherfucking garden tilled. And, I ask you America, do I ever bothere to buy plants from any place other than Bates Nursery around the corner?  For starters, they are right around the corner.  Second, every plant I’ve purchased from them has been superdelicious awesome. The folks are down to [...]

Wednesday Things

Oh, Teabaggers, Could You Try Not to Be Giant Douches?

Anonymous sources tell me that the Teabaggers are playing “A View to a Kill” down at the capitol. Hmm. Yes, that will do a great deal to assure regular Americans that you aren’t nutjobs willing to take up arms against the government and our President.

Listening to My Mom Giggle

We’re watching the first episode of No. 1 Ladies’ Detective Agency.  I reheated some pizza and we are eating cookies and I’m blogging while my mom giggles. There are men in our trees, slowly chopping them all down.  They tie themselves to the top, weilding chainsaws and ropes, and drop branches to the ground.  Every [...]

Pizza, My Pizza

When I was little, we had pizza for dinner every Saturday evening and we would sit in front of the Frugal Gourmet and This Old House and eat it.  One especially cold days, my mom and I would drive to Little Maria’s to pick up the pizza and she would leave the car running and [...]

Hispaniels

Good lord.  “Hispaniels.” Here’s the thing, my conservative friends.  Just like you are afraid that there are a ton of liberals sitting around reading Marx and pulling statues of Lenin out of our closets at night to drape with flowers and hemp scarves while we blow pot smoke in each others’ mouths in their honor [...]

The Girls Take over My Dad

The tiny cat is head-butting him on the left and the dog is patting him with her paw on the right.  He’s hollering to my mom for help, but she’s ignoring him.  I’m blogging about it, so of course, I cannot help. Hee.

When Your God Fails

Nezua has an interesting post up about Santa Muerte, which you should read and ponder. I would like to take as a starting point for my tangent this little bit: If your idol has let you down, and in the face of that, demands too much in hard times you create another idol in your [...]

The Science Center and Other Half-Formed Ideas

My personal hell would be having to spend eternity in the Science Center.  It’s loud and full of flashing lights and scary open floors and staircases.  But we went anyway, in an effort to wear the nephew out.  You cannot, though, actually wear him out. I was there about 15 minutes before my head was [...]

The Littlest Nephew Gets Me

We’re watching SpongeBob. “Why is that scallop crying?” “I don’t know.” “But I thought you said you had a big brain.”

Some Love for an Anonymous Republican Woman

I don’ t know who did this, but if I ever meet her, I’m going to buy her a beer.

If I’m Stuck with The Same Folks in My Next Life, I’m Going to Learn to Be a Pot Smoker

There was a brief moment when the Butcher and I were alone in the van when he said, “I wish I had a job” and I said, “Yeah,” and he said, “So I could have something else to do other than spend a week with these people.”  He right now is over at his friends’ [...]

Easter Dog: The Movie

See, Professor?  Happy dog.

Something So Cute You Will DIE!!!!!!

Mrs. Wigglebottom brings you the heartbreak of The Ugly Easter Bunny. Don’t worry, Mrs. Wigglebottom.  You are indeed an ugly bunny, but you are a damn cute dog.

You Say ‘Tomato,’ I Say… Um ‘Tomato,’ Too.

My mom was very excited to learn that Colonel Sanders was originally from Indiana, making him a midwesterner by birth.  This brings up the problem of Indiana, which is that there is not another midwestern state which does not look down on and make fun of Indiana.  Oh, those Indiana drivers; they get their licenses [...]

Well, We Can’t Say that We Weren’t Warned

On our way to dinner, my dad said, “What you don’t understand is that you’re scary.  You frighten people.  People are afraid of you.  If you lost 80 pounds you would rule Tennessee.  You would be like Attila the Hun and Richard Simmons.  People would get out of your way and then follow you.  You [...]

The Butcher v. the Tornado

The Butcher says he can hear the sirens and has cleared out a spot in the closet, but is not in said closet yet.  I will update as I know more.

Kids Make the White House Better

See here and especially here.

Through It

Do y’all remember that there was some song or chant from when we were kids?  And the leader would go “Can’t go over it” and everyone else would drone “Can’t go over it. “Can’t go under it.”  Can’t go under it. “Gotta go through it.”  Gotta go through it. That’s all of it I can [...]

A Story You’ve Heard Before

Having tomatoes in my window always reminds me of my old boss at the newspaper.  Everyone knew he was growing pot out at his place, but he always claimed the plants in his windows were tomatoes. The way the paper was set up was that there was a front office area that had been kind [...]

“It’s a terrible loss for the town. He was our taxidermist.”

Back in the day, I didn’t date this guy, for the same reason I didn’t date a lot of guys in high school, because there was always someone there waiting to beat the shit out of them if they tried. But this guy, who I didn’t date, once took me riding around in his truck [...]