My 2009 New Year’s Resolution

Since I resolved to tuck no ends for the rest of 2009, I have moved on from the jewel-tone afghan to the contest afghan. It is, right now, two and a half strips of squares that will fit together, I hope, when I sew it all together, when I get ten strips done. So, here’s [...]

Sympathy for the Butcher

Poor Butcher came home yesterday complaining that he had had a headache all day, which he thought was just because he hadn’t had enough to eat, but when he tried to eat something after work, it just didn’t taste good to him; he couldn’t bring himself to finish it. And so, he said, he was [...]

What Newscoma Said

Just go read the whole thing.

Excitement in the Bend

Y’all, CeeLCee sent me such exciting news about goings’ on in the Bells Bend Park that I am even asking people for more information! I know. I know. Anyway, it’s probably not that cool to the rest of you, but for me, news that they are planting trees in the park is pretty cool. I [...]

In Which I Armchair Quarterback the Democrats

1. Since it’s more important for the old guard to be gloating jackasses than to do actual Democratic outreach, they have completely missed the shift among some previously neutral or enthusiastic young people towards the TNDP. But because I am already an asshole, I will tell you straight up. Old guard, there’s some coalition building [...]

“What the Heck?!”

My favorite thing about the new kitty, as she gets more comfortable with the place is that she’s starting to get more curious, which is, of course, hilarious. And she constantly runs around with this look on her face like “What the heck?” It’s not really a cussing face. It’s more of just innocent, slightly [...]

In Which I Cheer on Mike Turner

Yes, folks, all it takes is to be a loyal reader of Tiny Cat Pants and I will recount your exploits to the people in my office and then on the internet as if they are great victories for humanity. I will still get pissed at you on occasion, but I will cheer for you [...]

Oh, Afghans

The jewel-tone afghan has hit the time-consuming part. The first half goes rather quickly because you’re switching colors so often, but by the time you get out as far as I’m out, it takes a while to get each color done. I’m still very pleased with how it’s turning out, though, and I mean to [...]

Into the Dining Room!

The new kitty just took her first step into the dining room. She then fled back into the kitchen, through the back room, and back into the Butcher’s bedroom. But I take it as a good sign that boredom and curiosity are slowly starting to outweigh fear.

On the Afghan Front

I’m done with the blue afghan, except for tucking in the ends, and I have in mind the perfect person to send it to, a person who is probably already having prophetic dreams, even as we speak. So, I started the next afghan, which is a jewel-toned log cabin pattern. I’m pretty sure I have [...]

Shorter Tiny Pasture–What About The Men?!

Women need to be embraced as leaders — but not out of fear or necessity. It should happen the right way, or else the Right will merely be seen as a bunch of weak-willed reactionary little boys sending their women out to do their fighting for them. Yes, I will give you a minute to [...]

Paranormal Activity

I watched Paranormal Activity this weekend and I thought it was surprisingly pretty good. It’s kind of in the same genre as “The Yellow Wallpaper,” in that you have a women to whom and around whom weird things are happening and whose husband/boyfriend is more interested in “science” than in believing the woman about her [...]

When All Else Fails, Blame the Women!

Yes, on the one hand, I’m very glad to see legislators on both sides of the aisle working to lower our abysmal infant mortality rates. But on the other hand, if it’s already come down to “Well, we’ve done all we can do; it’s just that Tennessee women are fucking up so bad!” we’re really [...]

Hope

Everyone I was making baby blankets for is going to have (or have had) their babies before they receive said blankets. My neighbor, my cousin, a couple of friends–all have (or are in the middle of having) December babies. It’s funny, because the world is really a shitty, hard place and you are always thrown [...]

Christmas with the Phillipses Means Football!

We have just had our first post-holiday injury, wth the Butcher dropping the youngest nephew after tossing him on the couch, after playing football all over the house after I shouted repeatedly “Stop [throwing, tossing, shooting] that [football, toy plane, sock] into the fire!” We’re lucky to have made it this far without anyone being [...]

And People are Surprised by Hamsher Why?

World, she put a picture of Joe Lieberman in blackface up at Huffington Post, because it was more important to her to score political points against Lieberman than it was to not be an enormous asshole towards people who weren’t even involved in her little spat. Her judgment has been obviously suspect and her motivations [...]

My Uncle B. is a Little Naughty

So, my Uncle B. recently became a grandfather to a darling little girl named Noelle and when I was talking to him on the phone this morning, he was bragging about how there are times when he’s the only one who can get Noelle to sleep. “That’s not that surprising, though,” he said, “I’ve been [...]

Whew, Boy, Do I Have a Treat for You

When I took the new kitty to the vet, I saw a restaurant “Taste of N’awlins,” but I didn’t know if it was open. And then I saw this review on Nashville Restaurants, which explained that it was open, when it was open, and whether it was good. So, we went up there this evening; [...]

My Dad, Too Nutty for Even the Gun Nuts?

I may have told you this, but my dad is completely opposed to concealed carry. Not because he’s opposed to guns, but because he doesn’t believe concealed carry has any deterrent effect because who can be deterred by a gun he can’t see? No, my dad is for mandatory open carry. If you own a [...]

Mrs. Wigglebottom Gets Down

Oh, The Weather Outside is Frightful, But the Chicago Firefighters are So Delightful

When I got home today, I had a copy of the 2010 Chicago Firefighters calendar, with a half-naked Tiny Cat Pants commenter as Mr. January! I went to hang it up in the kitchen, but I was told that I simply may not put that calendar where other men will have to see it and [...]

Christmas Chaos

“Christmas Chaos.” That’s got to be a WWE pay-per-view, right? Anyway, my other brother has stepped up to the plate and agreed to go get his own son and bring him here for Christmas. So, I’m planning on taking my parents to the park tomorrow, instead of driving with them to North Carolina. They bought [...]

The Scream of the Carrot

I’m almost sure we learned that carrots scream when I was in middle school. I don’t remember how they were supposed to scream, lacking screaming things like mouths and vocal chords, but I thought of the screaming carrots again when I read Natalie Angier’s piece about how we’re learning more and more about plants’ striving [...]

Furr

Speaking of wolves, here’s the song I was thinking of, which, thanks to you, I know the name of. This is the thing I wish I’d written about “Avatar.” These are movies about white guilt. Our main white characters realize that they are complicit in a system which is destroying aliens, AKA people of color [...]

One Second at a Time

It’s really going to take some superhuman feat of skill and fortitude that I’m not sure I have to get through this week in one piece. So, we are making a round-trip to North Carolina on Wednesday and Thursday because a.) my brother’s not answering his phone when my dad calls, so they can’t discuss [...]