The Dorkiest Post in the History of Dorky Posts, Includes Quilting

I turned down all my New Year’s Eve offers so that I could fiddle with S.’s sewing machine and get started on my quilt. It’s terrible. I mean, whew, doggie, terrible. But here’s the important thing, if you are about to set off on any new crafting skill. The first one will suck. No way [...]

Science! You have answers, we have questions.

I was telling the girls yesterday (“the girls” as in “my friends” not “the girls” as in “my boobs,” though I’m sure my boobs were totally eavesdropping) that, while visiting with my family, we had come up with a Mythbusters question for the ages. We have all heard that a dog’s mouth is cleaner than [...]

A Noise I Like

For the first time in forever, I got up and walked the dog and, as such, was reminded of one of my favorite noises in the neighborhood. Not that we have a lot of noises in the neighborhood. Mostly just cars, birds, dogs, and sometimes children. But we also have the AT&T building. I don’t [...]

Things Afoot

Ha, this was a weird day. But I got to see lots of people I like, so that was nice. The Butcher’s going to take me to the eye doctor tomorrow, because I know she’s going to dilate my pupils and I don’t know how safe I’ll be to drive clear home. I remember thinking [...]

Trouble in the Neighborhood

So, our neighbors got broken into last night. Not the ones with the baby nor the one Mrs. W. is madly in love with, but the ones on the other side of him. They work nights and came home to find someone had wiped them out. They said the cop told them it looked like [...]

Thoughts on Feminist Blogging

There’s another huge uproar in the feminist blogosphere. This one’s actually interesting because all sides have good points, instead of it just being a case of someone being an asshole and everyone else either rushing to condemn or defend. But I find myself caring less an less about that stuff. Maybe it would be different [...]

Tennessee Politics Will Break Your Heart

Today lots of folks are linking to this great piece that’s an open letter to the Tennessee Dems. It’s good stuff. But it’s the same good stuff liberal bloggers have been saying in Tennessee since I started blogging. Half a decade we’ve been saying “Just act like Democrats, tell us what your plan is, and [...]

Oh, Blessed Routine, Where Have You Gone? When Are You Coming Back?

Yet again I failed to get up and walk the dog. Yet again I’m sitting here on the couch when I should be in the shower. And it’s Wednesday! Not Tuesday. Things are happening today I thought were happening tomorrow. I don’t feel like I was gone from work very long, but man, I’m having [...]

How Will It Be if I Die an Old Maid in the Garret?

Ever since Coble introduced me to this song, I like to sing it in the car at the top of my lungs. The way they sing it, it just sounds so defiant, like, fuck yeah, how will it be if I die an old maid in the garret? It’ll be fucking awesome, because I will [...]

Two Things

1. Coble writes about writing. She links to a post here, but I don’t want you to miss it. 2. Seeing my name on the same list as Spiegelman is just ridiculous. Delightful, though. I am grinning from ear to ear. I’d like to get used to that kind of ridiculousness.

My Mom’s Present to My Dad

Oh, I forgot to tell y’all what my mom got my dad for Christmas, but I was telling S. about it yesterday and she was almost crying about it. So, yes, my parents are in their mid-sixties and fairly liberal. I mention this only to imply that nudity is not a big deal for them. [...]

Only One Person Sends Me Mix Tapes

So, my old friend, Elias is putting together a zine of commentaries on mix tapes. One time, Elias put together a zine and I submitted an article about how I had nearly drown myself attempting to masturbate with the bathtub faucet. I think I later wrote about it here. Oh, I did! And, while I [...]

Slowly Settling Back in

These days of eating, eating, eating have taken their toll on our fair hero. I used to think that when I was younger, but little did I know what a body could do to you when it got tired of your behavior. I have to get the ball rolling over at Pith, but I’m not [...]

I Will Bequeath Every Half Finished Thing in My House to My Nephews!

Ha, people, so I went up to Joann’s to spend my Christmas loot on fabric for a quilt. Yes, even after I said I wasn’t going to. Even though I have 190 things around the house to do including finishing up another quilt. Even though I have yet to secure a sewing machine (though I [...]

We All Made It Through the Day!

I feel like all we did was eat and eat and eat. And go to church that one time and eat some more. Whew, it’s a lot of family togetherness. I was all convinced last week that I was going to make a quilt. But I realized last night that I was fretting over the [...]

Merry Christmas!

Yonder Breaks a New and Glorious Morn

We went back to the Methodist church my whole family claims to dislike. I should have know that meant they actually liked it a great deal. The service tonight was lovely. And the minister asked my dad to help with communion. Apparently this is a courtesy given to visiting ministers. I thought it would have [...]

What It’s Like to Go to Kroger with the Family

“We need cheese?” “What do we need?” “What did you say?” “What, what did he say?” “Which said what?” “Where’s your mom?” “Um, where’s Mom?” “My phone’s ringing.” “It’s your son for you.” “The Butcher? “No, the other.” “No, he’s right here with us.” “No, he’s not.” “Mom looks lost.” “Did you find mom?” “Did [...]

My Parents’ Friends

Well, this is unfortunate. My parents are telling their friends about my blog and encouraging them to come read it. While complaining that they are not allowed to (which is not true, though I am glad they don’t read it). It’s unfortunate because I really don’t want to hurt my parents. Neither do I want [...]

The Most Awesome Trophy

The Butcher made this for the winner of his fantasy football league. And I’m sorry, but this is just the most awesome thing I’ve seen all day. Well, not all day, but this morning. Look at how he used rice and beans for ballast.

Wishes

I wish I had a sewing machine. And a deer skull. And money. I made a list of wishes the night of the solstice, a wish per slip of paper and crumpled them up. None of the wishes were for the things listed above, which I didn’t think to put on my list. But there [...]

Complaints so Far

1. The house isn’t clean enough. 2. The garage isn’t clean enough. 3. The Butcher is going to his friends for dinner on Thursday so they have to have dinner just with me. The Butcher had my car and they needed him to meet them at the motel to help unpack. He called and asked [...]

Government Waste?

This is the most hilarious thing I have read all day. So, the Tennessee Bureau of Investigation and the Tennessee Department of Homeland Security work together to produce this map. Upon which they have nothing to stick but the ACLU for Nashville. In fact, of all of their incidents, only one–a bomb threat–could legitimately be [...]

Waiting on My Parents

The older they get, the more nervous I get about them driving down here by themselves. So, I’m sitting here mildly fretting. I guess I should watch TV or something instead, like a normal person. I just hope the time goes well.

Two Things

1. My interview with the B. Phillipses I know is up at Pith! 2. I still have no opinion about Assange, but I will say that when I read, “I’ve never had a problem before with women. Women have been extremely helpful and generous,” I made a mental note to watch for other women coming [...]