The House Dreaming

Oh, I forgot to tell you all about the weirdness this week. Monday night I woke up because I heard knocking, four evenly spaced knocks like someone was driving a nail. But the dog wasn’t barking, so I knew it wasn’t really happening, that I was caught in a dream, even as I was waking. [...]

Sometimes, I am Lucky

I just read this poem that blew my mind, about the Devil. I would love almost any poem about the Devil wandering around Tennessee, for obvious reasons, but this one I didn’t just love in that way you love a puppy you just met. I loved it in the way that makes you worried you’re [...]

Prepare to Have Your Mind Blown

You, yes you, are aiding in fixing Google Books. This is so brilliant I about can’t stand it.

The Mystery of the Cross Continues

You remember, when last we bothered to discuss the cross on the side of the road, that it was, as it had been since shortly after Christmas, just laying on the side of the road, looking discarded and forgotten. It was still that way on Monday. Tuesday I didn’t walk the dog because I slept [...]

We Have a New Water Heater

I know part of being an adult is having money in savings so that when you need a new water heater, you just pull the money out of savings and voila! It is paid for. But man, I’m still not great at this “Put money in savings” business. I mean, I do it, regularly, but [...]

Still Waiting on the Plumbers

I fret quite a bit, but I’m not a good waiter. Like, I’ve been waiting for the plumbers since noon and they just now called to say it’s going to be closer to 2:30 before they get here and I could be doing things like picking up or reading a book or playing with the [...]

Bleh, Water Heater

The Butcher said “Have a nice day, Betsy” and walked out the door. Then he came back in and said, “Um, something’s leaking in the garage.” And I said, “God damn it. Go to work.” Not together. But you know, “God damn it, something’s leaking and someone will have to take care of it and [...]

Let’s Think about Something Pleasant Instead

This: And this: We can just admit those are the same song, now, right?

Christ Almighty, I Almost Prefer the Victim-Blaming Version

Remember when the New York Times ran their story on that poor girl being gang-raped in Texas and it was all “Where was her mother? What was she wearing?!” They’ve done a follow-up story. It’s a better story in that it’s not victim-blamey, but holy shit, it will rip your heart right out for this [...]

I Don’t Ask This Lightly: What the Fuck is Wrong with Bill Ketron?

When you’ve let whatever your pet cause is–illegal immigration, in this case–blind you to the fact that you’ve set out on a course to terrorize children, you need to take a step back. What kind of sadistic fuck wakes up in the morning and is like “Golly, what can I do today that will cause [...]

The Daily Beast Covers the Henry Granju Case

You can read the whole thing, but I’d like to draw your attention to this: John Gill, special counsel for the Knox County District Attorney’s Office, wrote in an email to The Daily Beast: “It has been somewhat frustrating that the media has seemed to accept everything from a grieving mother without law-enforcement experience as [...]

There are Deer Farms?!

I am still baffled by the knowledge that there are deer farms–places that deliberately raise deer for hunters to go and shoot–and that people want them in Tennessee. Now, I am not a hunter. But I do have a garden. So, I have to say, I am confused about why we would need places in [...]

Turn About is Fair Play

One of the Butcher’s friends has been giving him rides to work since he started his job. Yes his JOB! The Butcher has a job that he goes to and he makes money and some of it goes to pay bills and buy groceries and it’s wonderful, wonderful, won… Where was I? Yes, so the [...]

I am Completely Over this ‘Exercise is Good for You’ Crap

First, when Mrs. Wigglebottom and I were at the park yesterday morning, we were attacked by fucking ducks. Not like ducks I’m angry at, though I was a little angry, but actual ducks en flagrante who did not appreciate being disturbed. And the dog hid behind me, after barking at them and provoking them further, [...]

Getting to the Bottoms of Things

This Ida Cox Thing Has Made My Whole Day

So, there’s a moment in the novel where the narrator is talking about the importance of Led Zeppelin’s “Traveling Riverside Blues,” even though she was not allowed to listen to Led Zeppelin growing up because they were somehow beyond evil. Sure, there was Dio and Slayer and Black Sabbath and all these bands whose records [...]

Music Nerds! I Need Your Help

I know this is a dorky thing to wonder, but I’ve got it fixed in my brain now, so here it is. You know Alan Jackson? He sings “Mercury Blues,” in which is contained the line “gal I love, stole her from a friend, he got lucky stole her back again.” This is a cover. [...]

Blah-terday Day

My parents came through on their way back from Florida, where they seem to have had an awesome time. They took the Butcher with them so that he could get my mom’s car. This is an incredibly generous thing they’re doing for him–giving him mom’s car–and it’s going to make  our lives much easier. But [...]

An Open Letter to Paul Stanley

Dear Ex-Senator Stanley, I admit, I find your desire to dwell on the circumstances that got you kicked out of office to be baffling. What, exactly, is it you say to yourself that makes you think, “If only people really got _________, they would see that, though I have some responsibility for my present circumstances, [...]

The Professor and Her Floozy Minister

I have known the Professor a decade. I count her among my dearest friends. And today at lunch, she said to us something so shocking, so out of left field, I am still a bit in awe of it. She thinks Reverend Dimmesdale is hot. Yes, the floozy pastor from The Scarlet Letter! I feel [...]

I am Old

I went to bed at 9:00. The only reason I didn’t go to bed at 7:30 is because I would have been embarrassed for anyone to learn I went to bed at 7:30. But I feel good now. It remains to be seen how I feel at 7:30 tonight.

Prichard’s Distillery

Yes, I had to learn about a distillery right down the road from a dude in Florida. But, did y’all know about Prichard’s Distillery? Me, neither. The single malt does sound fantastic, though.

So, THAT’S the Deal with Mike Turner’s Mustache

Folks have been asking me “What’s the deal with Mike Turner’s mustache?” And I don’t know. I just assumed all firemen are required to grow one at some point in their career and it was finally Turner’s turn. But today, thanks to Tennessean photographer, Jae Lee, we learn the truth. Look: See what I mean? [...]

Woo hoo! Borges!

I was so tickled both to read this post and to read that the first commenter was all “Oh, please. Pierre Menard.” Honestly, the more often I can think of Pierre Menard, the better off I am, I believe.

The Old Hospital

One of my least favorite things about Nashville is that, in its attempt to be a modern New South city, it tries to just bulldoze away as much of the past as it can. One of my favorite things about Nashville is that this bulldozing has not been completely successful. So, a gal can be [...]