I read about this over at Radley Balko‘s this morning and this afternoon, Rachel sent me a link to this over-dramatic bit of reporting–about kids who supposedly insert vodka-soaked tampons in their vaginas or rectums for, um, I don’t know. Some reason. I rummaged around under my bathroom sink and came up with two slightly different types of tampons–a regular old Tampax Super and a Tampax Pearl, also Super. These are high absorbancy and feature the two most common types of tampon applicators, cardboard and plastic.
Here they are with the cheap whiskey I used instead of our good vodka.
And here they are out of their packaging but in their applicators.
The trick to putting anything in your vagina or rectum when you are not aroused is that it must be small enough to slide in and stiff enough to get past any resistance, so the first part of my experiment assumes that kids would be using the applicators. So into the whiskey the tampons go, applicators and all.
And we encounter the first problem. The alcohol in the whiskey causes the glue in the cardboard to give way. So, that’s not going inside anyone that way. This happened after the tampon was in the whiskey for just a couple of minutes. I feel certain that, if I’d left it in there for a while, the cardboard applicator would have come apart completely. Tampon users, if you’ve had the unfortunate experience of dropping one of these bad boys in the toilet when trying to insert it, I don’t have to tell you, the cardboard applicator became useless when wet. It was all bendy and would not eject the tampon. I had to pull it out of the applicator with my hand.
And here it is, looking sad and the end is already looking not insertion friendly. I put it on a dark background so that you could get a good look at how the top end is already unfolding.
So, maybe better luck with the plastic applicator? Actually, no. The wet tampon swelled up and kind of sagged inside the applicator and so when I pushed the bottom part, rather than completely ejecting, it just sat there, only half out of the top part, unable to get past the prongs. I had to yank on this to get it out of the applicator as well.
Here it is, looking very sad. The end is rounder, but it was starting to unfurl, the longer it sat there and it also bent when it met any resistance.
I put them both back in the whiskey to simulate what would happen if you used an applicator-less tampon or removed either of these from their applicator before soaking them in spirits.
They did absorb quite a bit of whiskey. However they also did what tampons do when wet–got soggy and limp.
For even more proof those aren’t going in any orifice in a fun way, I took a picture of the ends of the tampons.
Yep, simply not likely to happen. But, in the interest of science, I then ran one of the tampons against the mucous membrane on the inside of my mouth. It was both very cold and burned, which, I imagine, would be a most unpleasant feeling as whoever was aiding you in the administration of vodka-soaked tampons shoved the limp, soggy, shape-changing, burning, and yet very cold thing inside you, or attempted to. I’m honestly not sure the incredibly cold feeling might not cause some uncontrollable clenching which would then make the insertion or removal of the tampon something of a nightmare.
If that’s your thing, great. More power to you. But the idea that kids are, in great number, just popping vodka-soaked tampons up inside themselves and going off to party with none the wiser that they’d been imbibing? Not happening. That’s just not how tampons work.
Filed under: America how can I write a holy litany in your silly moo
This whole thing reminds me of a friend in college — think “Jack” from Will & Grace but much more effeminate and vain. He really loved to push people’s buttons. Often, at parties, he would walk around with a vodka cranberry, complete with tampon soaking in the glass for shock value. He usually got the desired response.
Wow. That is some nifty scientific research. Seriously! I had no idea kids were allegedly doing this. It kind of makes LSD on postage stamps look tame.
Well, we’re not gonna see THAT debunked on Mythbusters!
There really is no other way to honor this post than to bellow “SCIENCE!!!” like Thomas Dolby.
SCIENCE!
::joyful noises::
Thank you for your outstanding work towards the advancement of SCIENCE!!!!
This is awesome.
Whaddaya know, a tampon in a teacup. http://www.flickr.com/photos/26708808@N00/105481916/
As stupid as it would be to put vodka up your bum, the idea of using whiskey is *truly* shudder-inducing.
Dammit! I was really looking forward to tampons going the way of Sudafed; only being available by filling out a form and saying “pretty please” to a licensed pharmacist all in the name of protecting us from ourselves.
Oh, fuck, Sarcastro. I should have waited until after the state made its graphic PSA showing how to administer the vodka-soaked tampons in the name of dissuading us from using them before I debunked this.
Elias, I had hoped the whiskey would be a little darker on the tampon so that it’d be more obvious where and how thoroughly it soaked.
No luck.
Rainbow Parties! Jelly Bracelets! Vodka-soaked tampons! ZOMG the children! Will someone think of the CHILDREN!
Just another phony parental freak out. Parents, your kids are having hot nekkid sex parties! EVERYBODY PANIC!
SNL parodied this media freak out beautifully:
http://www.examiner.com/snl-in-national/peter-desantos-uncovers-shocking-teen-trends-snl-skit-video
[...] Aunt B. gives the vodka-soaked tampon story the Mythbusters [...]
Thanks for the research and for debunking one more myth.
“Tampon users, if you’ve had the unfortunate experience of dropping one of these bad boys in the toilet when trying to insert it…”
Now, I don’t have a vagina, but if I did, I imagine my response to dropping a tampon in the toilet wouldn’t be “it’s still good, it’s still good. I’ll just cram this up my cooch anyway.” Wouldn’t you just want to get a *new* one? Ew…
No, no, no. You’ve got it all wrong: pop an un-soaked tampon up the ole tobacco pouch, do a handstand and get a friend with a funnel to top you up with your favourite beverage. That’s how all the kids do it these days.
David, believe me, you never drop a tampon in the toilet when there’s another one handy. I don’t know why it is, but those fuckers only go in the toilet when you really, really only have that one and desperately need it.
WHAT NEXT
Chopsticks. Or any old stick really. But chopsticks would work best, especially if metal or plastic. Less friction. I suppose you could use a screw driver. Course, you’d probably lose a good 50% of the alcohol from the poking and prodding.
Now that I am well and truly schnockered after conducting my own hooch-up-the-cooch experiment, I can say, after reading these comments, especially dear Anonymous’s (the perfect summary of horror and dismay), that I LOVes You GUySh SoOoo MUCH OMG wooooooo PAAARTY uh-oh
;o)
Wow. Thanks B, I was wondering what to do this coming Weekend I can now scratch this off my list.
[...] of news coverage taking the “vodka-soaked tampon” story seriously. Notably, liquid-soaked tampons expand and are not exactly convenient for insertion. Aside from which, alcohol+mucous membranes would probably hurt. And the likelihood of it being [...]
I also just want to state more clearly the problems with this urban legend. Not only would it be very difficult and uncomfortable to insert a vodka-soaked tampon, it wouldn’t be a very good means of getting drunk. You can test this for yourself just by holding vodka in your mouth. You don’t get way drunk from the vodka coming in contact with the mucous membrane on the inside of your cheek. So the part of the legend that says you get somehow super drunk is not true and probably just confusion from the sometimes-companion “beer enema” nonsense.
The second reason the legend states that kids do this is so that their parents don’t smell the alcohol on their breaths. Sticking what amounts to a sponge in an orifice designed to squeeze things is going to leave you with a lap full of vodka. It will be much easier for your parents to smell your vodka-soaked pants than it is for them to smell your vodka-soaked breath.
is that a gun on the counter?
It’s a pellet gun. Just in case we’re ever attacked by empty beer cans.
If I were wearing a hat, I’d be doffing it your direction, Aunt B.
Awesomeness be upon you.
It will be much easier for your parents to smell your vodka-soaked pants than it is for them to smell your vodka-soaked breath.
Also, you don’t get alcohol on your breath by putting it in your mouth. Otherwise all you’d have to do is brush your teeth and the smell would be gone. Alcohol breath is from alcohol in the blood stream as it reaches the lungs.
[...] [...]
i hope you intended this post to be as funny as it actually was. i would hate to think you were writing this seriously, without a wink, nod, or tongue in cheek. or applicator.
pffff… Kids aren’t idiots, alcohol soaked tampons are just a distraction from how kids really butt-chug. It involves a funnel, silicone grease, and an extra large butt-plug (to prevent leakage).
couldn’t you just do a vodka enema?? Or a margarietta enema? you could even coat the ur “rim” with salt…. yeeeeooouccch!
winecooler enemas, now theres a party fellas!! i think the gay community has had this one in their “arse”nal for a while now.. we’re just “behind” the times.
hardy fuckin harr..
[...] despite multiple reports of incidents in the U.S. and elsewhere” and that a blogger “conducted her own informal trial to see whether the purported method worked“, where she notes the alcohol dissolves the glue and consistency of the tampon so much it [...]
[...] despite multiple reports of incidents in the U.S. and elsewhere” and that a blogger “conducted her own informal trial to see whether the purported method worked“, where she notes the alcohol dissolves the glue and consistency of the tampon so much it [...]
Saw the stupid, poorly written excuse for news posted on Google+ and directed the guy who posted it to this article. His response “I have known alcoholic women who used the tampon method while at work…” Oy. Hope he doesn’t find out about SOUPING – http://www.nbc.com/saturday-night-live/video/headline-news/1255770
No kidding, Gary. I mean, even if you somehow could stand the burning cold, it’s just like shoving a sponge up yourself. The second you clench up for any reason, liquid is coming out. Your friend must have known some women who smelled really strongly of alcohol all day.
[...] Color me skeptical: while the Internet has made it easier to spread rumors, it has also made it easier to test and debunk them. Sullum notes that this is a story that has made the rounds a couple of times and provides a link to the Snopes discussion (their verdict: “undetermined”). Blogger Aunt B. soaks tampons in whiskey and finds that even with cardboard and plastic applicators, they probably aren’t going to be good for much. [...]
Your clearly have debunked nothing. You used the argument of the applicators not working because of the alcohol to get out of actually putting the tampons in your vagina or anal cavity. I’m sure you could have found a way to get one in and see if you would have gotten drunk. The myth about vodka soaked tampons is not the actual application, but whether you can get drunk or even feel a buzz once it’s “up in there”. I am significantly disappointed, Aunt B. I held you to a higher debunking standard than this one.
[...] Color me skeptical: while the Internet has made it easier to spread rumors, it has also made it easier to test and debunk them. Sullum notes that this is a story that has made the rounds a couple of times and provides a link to the Snopes discussion (their verdict: “undetermined”). Blogger Aunt B. soaks tampons in whiskey and finds that even with cardboard and plastic applicators, they probably aren’t going to be good for much. [...]
I tried it. YES, I TRIED IT (vaginally). IT HURT LIKE HELL. So much so, that I couldn’t leave it in for more than 1? 2? minutes? And I couldn’t tell if I was drunk at that point or experiencing a placebo effect. Good news? Pain was mostly gone by the next day. Bad news? So painful that it necessitated self-medication. Prescription: Vodka, orally.
[...] Aunt B uses SCIENCE to explain why no one is getting buzzed from vodka-soaked tampons. [...]
What about using a Diva cup?
[...] as an example…. (if you want something more visceral, I refer you to the vodka soaked tampon rumors currently pwning the [...]
Apparently someone took it to the next step.
http://www.huffingtonpost.ca/danielle-crittenden/vodka-tampons_b_1105433.html?ref=canada
[...] despite multiple reports of incidents in the U.S. and elsewhere” and that a blogger “conducted her own informal trial to see whether the purported method worked“, where she notes the alcohol dissolves the glue and consistency of the tampon so much it [...]
[...] despite multiple reports of incidents in the U.S. and elsewhere” and that a blogger “conducted her own informal trial to see whether the purported method worked“, where she notes the alcohol dissolves the glue and consistency of the tampon so much it [...]
[...] despite multiple reports of incidents in the U.S. and elsewhere” and that a blogger “conducted her own informal trial to see whether the purported method worked“, where she notes the alcohol dissolves the glue and consistency of the tampon so much it [...]
[...] despite multiple reports of incidents in the U.S. and elsewhere” and that a blogger “conducted her own informal trial to see whether the purported method worked“, where she notes the alcohol dissolves the glue and consistency of the tampon so much it [...]
[...] so now they’re soaking their tampons in horilka/vodka. Even the boys! (Though, an even more enterprising and scientific blogger has disproved the idea that it works.) And, like the Poles, Ukrainians prefer to have something to [...]
[...] Une blogueuse américaine s’est interrogée sur ce qui est présenté par les médias comme la nouvelle méthode des adolescents pour se saouler rapidement : insérer des tampons imbibés de vodka dans leur anus. Elle a décidé de mettre cette rumeur à l’épreuve des faits, en trempant des tampons dans du whisky. Le résultat est sans appel : les tampons gonflent tellement que l’insertion est impossible. Conclusion d’Aunt B : « L’idée selon laquelle les jeunes, en grands nombres, utilisent ce genre de méthode pour s’imbiber en soirée ? Ca ne peut tout simplement pas être vrai ». [...]
[...] of experiments done by empirically-minded bloggers in recent weeks. The first, by Betsy Phillips of Tiny Cat Pants, consisted of dunking a variety of tampons in whiskey to ascertain the feasibility of inserting [...]
[...] Aunt B., une blogueuse américaine, a décidé de mettre cette rumeur à l’épreuve des faits, en trempant des tampons dans du whisky. Le résultat est sans appel : les tampons gonflent tellement que l’insertion devient impossible. Conclusion d’Aunt B : “L’idée selon laquelle les jeunes, en grand nombre, utilisent ce genre de méthode pour se saouler en soirée ? Ça ne peut tout simplement pas être vrai”. [...]
[...] UPDATE: Thanks to Rick at Pacific Brew News for sending me this Tiny Cat Pants post In Which I Debunk the Vodka-Soaked Tampon Myth. [...]
[...] story two weeks ago. Since then, I got an e-mail from a friend with a link to a Tiny Cat Pants post In Which I Debunk the Vodka-Soaked Tampon Myth. Today, I learned from the Missus that Danielle Crittenden, Managing Editor, Blogs, for the [...]
[...] despite multiple reports of incidents in the U.S. and elsewhere” and that a blogger “conducted her own informal trial to see whether the purported method worked“, where she notes the alcohol dissolves the glue and consistency of the tampon so much it [...]
[...] despite multiple reports of incidents in the U.S. and elsewhere” and that a blogger “conducted her own informal trial to see whether the purported method worked“, where she notes the alcohol dissolves the glue and consistency of the tampon so much it [...]
[...] despite multiple reports of incidents in the U.S. and elsewhere” and that a blogger “conducted her own informal trial to see whether the purported method worked“, where she notes the alcohol dissolves the glue and consistency of the tampon so much it [...]
[...] despite multiple reports of incidents in the U.S. and elsewhere” and that a blogger “conducted her own informal trial to see whether the purported method worked“, where she notes the alcohol dissolves the glue and consistency of the tampon so much it [...]
[...] despite multiple reports of incidents in the U.S. and elsewhere” and that a blogger “conducted her own informal trial to see whether the purported method worked“, where she notes the alcohol dissolves the glue and consistency of the tampon so much it [...]
[...] reports of incidents in the U.S. and elsewhere” and that a blogger “conducted her own informal trial to see whether the purported method worked“, where she notes the alcohol dissolves the glue and consistency of the tampon so much it [...]
[...] [...]
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[...] [...]
Trust me, if you don’t think college students do this, you are wrong. While it is not in great quantity, I know of a few females who have done this. Not necessarily “wild child” types but experimental non-the-less. Yes, in experimental form it seems utterly horrendous, and it is not the most pleasant thing, but one does indeed enjoy a more intense buzz. I don’t think I ever would have done this as a teenager. Then again I have engaged in Lsd, shrooms, and several other things while consistently making the Dean’s List, having leadership positions in organizations, and being an avid runner/athlete. Guess some of us are just a little curious/crazy.
No, no, in fact, I’m willing to bet that you don’t. In fact, I’m starting to doubt that men who claim to know women who have done this even understand how a vagina works or how tampons work.
It’s not a matter of being “experimental.” It’s a matter of how one would even get the alcohol soaked tampon in a vagina and, once there, how it would retain enough alcohol (and not send it shooting back out into one’s pants) for a person to gt a buzz off of.
Tip of the day: If you call women “females” we all know you’re not getting laid.
Again here’s a normal person taking a look into the abnormal person’s response to wanting to get drunk without being detected. This is a sublime way of ingesting alcohol. Snorting cocaine is not a pleasurable experience either. Alcohol in any mucus membrane burns. We have been taught to overcome the biting taste within our mouths while ingesting alcohol. Your quasi experiment did not use non applicator tampons.
Liz, try this at home. Soak a tampon just in water and try to put it in your vagina. If you can do it (and I don’t think you’ll be able to), see how much comes back out. If you don’t want to be detected, ingesting alcohol in a manner that causes your crotch and inner legs to become drenched with alcohol is not the way to go.
This isn’t happening. It’s just not. It’s not just a matter of the burning. It’s a matter of how a vagina works.
[...] the mechanics of this have been debunked by several people. Tiny Cat Pants points out that cardboard tampon applicators would be destroyed, the tampon would swell enough to [...]