In Which I Brainstorm About Childhood Obesity

Over at Brainstorm Nashville, they’re focusing on childhood obesity as their starter community “problem.” I am resisting the urge to holler “Fuck you, you hateful bigots” at the people I know involved in this, because it’s not really productive. I would feel better, believe me, but it’s not really productive. So, I’m going to try [...]

If Dr Pepper Had Any Sense

If Dr Pepper had any sense, they would run this as a commercial for Dr Pepper 10 and I would forgive them for everything.

They Couldn’t Put a Window in that Thing?!

My tiny friend, Leo, is unhappy with his accommodations and, in his defense, even if it’s warm, it would be hard to see out of. On the other hand, having been to the Stanley Hotel with his parents, I would think that the ax-wielding serial-killer-ghost protection this thing gives has to be like 260x more [...]

An Open Letter to My Mom

Hello, Mother, So, there we are watching Conan the Barbarian–me (also crocheting a baby blanket for, weirdly, a baby who hasn’t been born yet), the Butcher, and the Red-Headed Kid. We’re just at the point where it’s gotten so unintentionally hilarious that we’re laughing through the sex scene. (Honestly, I thought it’d be worse. The [...]

People are Strange

I’m going to just say, up front, that I don’t know whether Jamie Satterfield should have known that Baumgartner was on drugs. I completely understand why people are casting about for folks to blame, but really, do you need to cast your net wider than the officers of the court who knew he was on [...]

Getting Up to Something

My brother is coming to visit for his birthday which is a lovely, pleasant surprise. I’m thinking of taking Friday off just to bum around with him. But I want to find something cool to go bumming around with him about. I may try to take him to Lock One Park. And I do mean [...]

The Dog Practices Breaking My Heart

I have a story to tell you about last night. Part of it is disgusting, though I think other pet owners (and possibly parents) will be like “How else are you supposed to find a dog/child in the dark?!” That’s your warning. So, you’ll remember that the dog has been on probation since she ran [...]

Paragon Mills Park

I Want to Hide from My Oven

Did I mention that I set the inside of the oven on fire at Thanksgiving? Like four tons of dripping, fiery marshmallows dripping fire (as you’d expect from the first part of that sentence) all over the inside of my oven? Flames licking the bottom of the turkey, threatening the green bean casserole? And then [...]

Ezekiel

One of my characters uses Bible verses in her magic, like when she needs to create a circle of salt strong enough to hold any unknown being, she gets all “If the salt has lost its power, how shall it be made salty again? The only thing it is good for is to be cast [...]

Reminds Me of the Dreaming Dead

I have jumped through a particularly difficult narrative hoop, poorly. I am, honestly, writing the most ridiculous Civil War-era book ever. And I’m trying out titles, just for fun. Last night I was thinking something like On Spruce Street in Nashville and all day yesterday I was toying with something from “Long Black Veil” and [...]

True Words about THE LOST BOYS

Man, I’d really like to think some on the influence that movie had on my generation and why. But in the meantime, this really gets at some important stuff: But also, and this is something I keep coming back to, the vampires are having a way better time than everyone else. And for those of [...]

Man Problems

Help me, internet. Okay, here’s the deal. I’ve got a bunch of family members–most of whom are men–to buy things for for Christmas. I have no idea what to get these folks. My mom–I can get her some funky earrings. Not worried. My brother–I think I’m getting him the “Everyone plays their made-up Hank Williams [...]

I Need Heather Solos to do a “Remedial Home Ec”

It could be a short and sweet site that just said, “Yes, Betsy, everything I said at Home Ec 101 also applies to you.” Back on the 29th, there was a post at Home Ec 101 that said, “It’s time to throw out the leftovers that didn’t make it into the freezer.” Did I listen? [...]

Whoa, Knoxville. There’s Hinky and then There’s Hinky.

I admit up front that I don’t know the intricacies of how Knoxville is set up. But I know, for instance, it was the Knox County sheriff’s department that seemed to have no interest in investigating the death of Henry Granju and the Knoxville Police Department who eventually arrested people tied to Henry’s death. And [...]

Magazine Point/Counterpoint

1. The issue that shall not be named of the magazine that shall not be named came out and it’s been sitting on my desk all week and I have not even put in the CD. Yes, Mark Smirnoff killed my love of his magazine with his douchy antics here. That’s unfortunate. 2. I did [...]

Yes, It’s True. I’m Mayor Dean’s Lap Dog

See, it all started a year ago when I was standing in line for the Nashville City Cemetery tour and Mayor Dean was walking down the sidewalk shaking hands. I don’t believe he ever got as far as me, but it didn’t matter. He was able to, just by close proximity, beam his controlling rays [...]