The truth is that, more than anything, I’m shook. Is it bad luck that my ceiling tried to kill my family? Or is it good luck that we all got out of the room before it came down? It seems exceptionally lucky, almost unbelievably so, that the dog was not injured or worse. And the generous offers of help I’ve gotten make me feel very, very lucky indeed.
I still flinched this morning when I was in the left lane and a truck entered the interstate from the on-ramp into the right lane next to me. I don’t know how to read it, I guess. Is it a bad thing that happened with many lucky things around the edges or a portent of bad things to come?
I have been very fortunate in my life, more than I deserve. I am terrified that that’s going to run out.
I can see why people become atheist–just so they aren’t flummoxed when their superstitions fail them.
I’m so tired. It’s just psychological–the stress of this whole thing is being dealt with by making me want to go to bed.
Is this supposed to be character-building? Some great lesson?
No, I guess I still don’t think there is any such thing as “supposed to be”. Will I let it build my character? Ha ha ha. No, probably not. But I think that’s how this shit works. There are no lessons, not pre-determined ones that guide you down some path to your correct destiny.
It’s just you and this mess and what you make of it.
And luck. A great deal of luck.
But here’s the thing–and again, I apologize for this being so woo-woo. I’m tired and stressed.–but on Saturday, Sizemore spoke a great deal about the necessity of being talented, persistent, and lucky. I feel pretty okay with my talent. I think I’ve got it. It can be honed and made better, but it’s there. I’m not very good at being persistent. It’s something I need to work on. But I have been cultivating good luck. That’s been my whole project as an adult.
So, is the fact that none of us are dead an indication that I am lucky and should be more daring in my persistence?
Or an indication that I am not yet lucky enough and therefore should work on that?
I need a fortune teller.