The other day, S. and I were talking about genealogy and my dad’s profound lack of interest in it, at least at first. The amount of ministers in our family has changed his mind somewhat, but I was telling S. that it’s lead to this profoundly strange realization. Both my dad and his brother, my Uncle B., believe that reincarnation is possible. That’s not so strange I guess.
But the idea terrifies my dad. He is terrified that all these recurring ministers are him–that it explains why he’s such a good preacher; it’s not that he has a talent for it, but that he’s had lifetimes of practice–but that he keeps getting sent back because he’s fucked up in some fundamental way over and over again. That there’s some lesson he’s refusing to learn. But since he doesn’t know what it is, he’s destined to be back here again. That’s why, he says, he wants me to keep his file cabinet full of old sermons, in case he shows up again in my lifetime. I can give him the sermons and he won’t have to start from scratch yet again.
I cannot imagine having such faith in the fundamental goodness of a god that you would devote lifetimes preaching on behalf of it while at the same time believing that it would leave you lonely here in the world over and over again.
Here’s what I know–my family is a bunch of nosy, bossy jerks with boundary issues. If there any any ability to go on after death, it is simply not plausible that I have been left with only this shrinking pool of people to meddle in my affairs. I have faith in that–if they can be with me, they are. Hopefully, they’re polite enough to leave the room when I masturbate.
I sometimes get lonely. It’s human nature. But I never feel really alone.
And I feel bad for my dad, that this thing that is such a huge and important part of his life–religion–is not enough to overcome his suspicion that he’s been left behind again and again.
Each life has many lessons to be learned. The gist of the knowledge stays with you (though you may not always know it) as you move on to the next life. It is entirely possible that he has learned many lessons, but still has more to learn. It is also entirely possible that his presence is teaching lessons for other people and he is doing more good by repeatedly coming back than he would if he moved on. Or perhaps his lesson is that he should quit worrying about what the lesson is and live his life to the best of his ability, in the present.
Actually I was told once that saying that something was karma for past behavior was inappropriate – it isn’t ours to know or decide that. The picture is much bigger than we can ever know.
I’ve thought quite a bit about this since I lost a family member recently. Here’s why: this person had a long wonderful life. And this sounds kind of weird to say, but her life wasn’t difficult. She was born in the early 20th Century, married before age 20, her husband didn’t go to war, she didn’t work outside the home, she had two children who had successful careers, grandchildren and great-grandchildren she loved dearly came along, and in her final years was taken care of in her home by her son. She never had to go to a nursing home or hospital and she died peacefully (in her own bed without wires in her body!) as she was surrounded by her children and other family members.
If not for reincarnation, how can it be that there are people that exist 99 years in such a relatively easy existence? The only way I can reconcile that is to think “well, she must have had a hell of a time the last go ’round.”