St. Sebastian, You Put an Arrow Through My Heart

Saint_TheclaThe patron saint of Tiny Cat Pants has always been St. Thecla, not just because she wasn’t eaten by deadly seals, which is, you know, a terrible way to go, assuming you can find some, and she escaped them, but also because her name is a lovely pun in Spanish making her the unofficial patron saint of computers AND because she’s known as the equal of the Apostles. And because Teckla is my middle name.

Oh, oh, oh and she totally nagged Paul half to death and, if only she’d been able to succeed, think of how much better life would be for women and gay people in the Church.

St. Thecla, who does not love you?

But after spending the day looking at St. Sebastian tied up and draped over shit and filled with arrows, I think he’s got to be a minor patron saint of the blog. Plus, he’s doing work in Umbanda, being all syncretized with Oxossi. And so I can’t help but believe that when Thecla went to live in her mountain, she took like eight paintings of Sebastian to keep her company. I mean, seriously. Every single picture of St. Sebastian could be titled “Man who just got done fucking.” Here are some examples.

I can't quite figure out what the leg is doing there, but I'm not that worried about it.

I can’t quite figure out what the leg is doing there, but I’m not that worried about it.

I call this one "Oh, no, there's nothing psychosexual going on here at all!" Arrow t the crotch, red blood on a white towel, after sex lounging. I'm sure it's all very innocent and murderous.

I call this one “Oh, no, there’s nothing psychosexual going on here at all!” Arrow t the crotch, red blood on a white towel, after sex lounging. I’m sure it’s all very innocent and murderous.

Get your mind out of the gutters, people. He's near death, not post-coital. Please. Obviously.

Get your mind out of the gutters, people. He’s near death, not post-coital. Please. Obviously.

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9 thoughts on “St. Sebastian, You Put an Arrow Through My Heart

  1. I kinda want to live in a world where nubile young men parade around and drape themselves across any available surface, clad only in a conveniently located bit of cloth.

  2. First, we need to find out if they’re going to bleed all over things, though. I’m all for languid draping of mostly naked folks in all places, but not if it’s going to make doing laundry more complicated.

  3. You know, I just realized that, if we could get Josh Burrow to do a series of portraits of Captain Morgan posing as sexy religious figures, this blog would spontaneously combust.

  4. Him just draping around after his dive commercial would certainly make me spontaneously combust.
    In fact, I’m feeling warm just thinking about it….

  5. The Christmas spirit is strong in you, young BetsyTeckla, first with the sexy Satans and now sexy saints.

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