What the Devil?

Here’s the story as I heard it. A man was commissioned to make a statue of Lucifer for a church in Belgium. He made them a beautiful statue–Lucifer looking like a young man, his knees slightly apart, a snake coiled at his feet, a cloth draped demurely over his lap (though he does, at the Butcher noted, appear to be holding his junk). And it was in the church for a while, but church leaders became uncomfortable, because they thought the beauty of the statue might be distracting to young  ladies. Perhaps because of the open-kneed junk holding?

Enter dude’s brother. He makes a statue–probably using the same model–that has Lucifer sitting demurely with his knees together. He cannot chase your darling daughter, because he is chained to a rock. And look, it’s not fun to be the Devil. He has a tear of torment and the kind of toenails you do not want rubbing up against you in the night. Oh, and horns. This statue was deemed more acceptable and put in the place of the first one.

I guess the church leaders did not notice that his pose says “Oops, people who want to fuck me, I seem to have dropped one of my dildos by that apple down at m feet. Why don’t you grab it? Perhaps you’d like to touch my knee to stand back up? Perhaps you would not like to stand back up? I’m embarrassed to ask–so embarrassed that it brings a tear to my eye–,  but could you trim my toenails & give me a blow job?” Probably, because the church leaders thought that the toe-nail trimming bit would rule out any desire to give Lucifer a blow job. Which just goes to show you that the church leaders were doofuses.

Anyway, then an Italian sculptor hears about the sexy Lucifers and is all “I will sculpt one in this same vein.” And… well… I think what we can say about it is that it’s possible we now have an explanation for why the first brother’s Lucifer was holding his junk.

I mean, I know Satan is supposed to be evil and deviant, but is tree-humping really evil and deviant? It just seems weird.

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6 thoughts on “What the Devil?

  1. The Lucifer with the snake is Joseph Geets, the younger brother of the sculptor of the Lucifer with the funky toes, Guillaume Geets. (I think the funky toes are just the angle of the picture. I think they’re just gripping the rock like the toes on the other foot.)

    And then the last one is Costantino Corti.

  2. As I was reading, I was so hoping that there would be pictures. That first statute is so beautiful, but it doesn’t really make me want to have sex with it.

  3. That’s what I love so much about it. They balked at Joseph’s rather sweet, but not really sexy sculpture and so his brother seems to have been like “Oh, I’ll show you sexy.”

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