Diet Dr. Pepper, Why Have You Foresaken Me?

You are in the fridge at home. I am here at work. My lunch bag is full of all the other crap that’s supposed to be in there.

But you, beloved, are absent.

I wrote this song for you:

WHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhy, God, why?

I think you can pretty much figure out the tune.

Edited to add: So, I went downstairs and got a regular Dr Pepper, which, like I told my co-worker, is like getting tickets for Led Zeppelin and it’s the motherfucking singer from Whitesnake.

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2 thoughts on “Diet Dr. Pepper, Why Have You Foresaken Me?

  1. My experience of your Led Zeppelin/Whitesnake analogy would be exactly the reverse – but then, anything with aspartame seems to make me (and my mom, and her sisters) have violent intestinal cramps, headache, flushing, and disorientation. So there’s that.

  2. I don’t drink it much anyway but certainly won’t after the darned “Tastetosterone” ads that are appearing on billboards. Good grief.

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