Thanksgiving–Now Is the Time When We Process Our Feelings

Here are the ways my parents drive me nuts–1. they stayed with us the first night they were in town. This was unacceptable because the Butcher’s bed is so uncomfortable. They bought the Butcher’s bed. So, if they intended on sleeping in the Butcher’s bed when they visited, why did they buy a bed they didn’t like to sleep in?! 2. Though they promised to cover the cost of Sadie’s euthanasia and though I called them and told them what it cost and I left the bill on the table and I reminded them again, they basically froze and refused to respond to me. Once I realized they had no intention of paying it, I let it drop, because what the fuck? I can’t hang out with them and be bitter about money I don’t even really need. On our way home, my sister-in-law called and asked them for $60. We had to find a Walmart immediately so that they could send her $100. Tied to both of these things, at one point, my dad asked me “Why haven’t you done such and such?” and I was like, “Because I had to pay the vet and put new tires on my car, Dad. I’m out of money for the month.”

And here’s the thing. I don’t want their money. I don’t need their money. I want them to listen to me and sympathize with me. I didn’t need them to offer to pay for Sadie. I needed them to be sad with me. But, by god, when they flat out said, “Tell us how much it is once you know and we’ll send you the money,” and I say “I don’t need you to do that” and they say “Just tell us how much it is,” then fucking do it. Or, fine, don’t do it. But then don’t fucking send money to my sister-in-law so she can buy a Playstation. In front of me.

And then, I wanted to be all, “Oh, just fuck you, you fucking fuckers,” but we told my brother we were coming down Wednesday. We saw him Wednesday night. At which point he announced that his girlfriend was going to her family’s for Thanksgiving at lunch (which, again, fine. They want to see the baby.) so he and my nephew are just going to hang around their house until she gets home. They’ll see us for dinner. Well then, why the fuck did we drive down on Wednesday?

And, I have to tell you, as pissed as I was at my parents, seeing them try to find a way to fill Thanksgiving day–when there’s nothing open and they’re not really familiar with my brother’s new town–while they wait around for my brother to decide he now can be bothered to see them? It tore my heart right out. Is this what it’s always like when they go down there? Them just waiting around for my brother to decide to spend some time with them?

Oh, but that is not the weirdest thing. My niece does not have the name her mom told me she was going to have. No, my brother vetoed the middle name her mom wanted to give her–the same name women in her family have had for three generations–and gave her a different middle name instead.

Anyway, my niece is adorable. Her mom is lovely. And she didn’t punch anybody, even though we were all shouting out suggestions about what she could do to appease the baby when she was fussy. And it was good to see my nephew. He’s hilariously awesome. And, for the most part, we did have a really nice time. We ended up eating at an Asian buffet for Thanksgiving dinner and then piling in my parents’ hotel room to watch football.

The Butcher and I are, based on this knowledge, going to make some adjustments at Christmas so that we’re not hostages to the bullshit between my parents and our brother.

And I think it will be okay.

About these ads

2 thoughts on “Thanksgiving–Now Is the Time When We Process Our Feelings

  1. I know you’re likely processing things as opposed to inviting comment. But I have to say I went through the exact same thing with my parents and Casey’s euthanasia. They offered to pay part of it, said they would and never did. It was upsetting in its own way because it was just underscoring that whole “there are things you just cannot count on” at a time when I didn’t need that underscored.

  2. Yeah, that’s the part that sucks. It just feels like they don’t know how to express concern without throwing money at it but, if I don’t really “need” the money, then they have a small army of people in their lives who do, so they’d rather save it for them. And yet, since I know they express concern with money, when they decide not to give it, i experience it as them not being that concerned about me.

    And so it’s like, fuck it, now I’m in this situation where I’m hurt about money I don’t even need, because they can’t just be openly sad with me and openly sympathetic to how hard it was to euthanize her. But open sadness is free!

    It’s just… ugh… like, yeah, it just made me feel like Bart and I had to go through this terrible thing alone, even though they made it seem like we wouldn’t have to.

Comments are closed.