In Which I Break Up with Paul Rudd

Last night I dreamed Paul Rudd and I were having dinner at Cracker Barrel, where he proceeded to break up with me. I said to him, “Paul Rudd, I got a blue Mustang for you.” As if that would mean that he couldn’t break up with me. And then I said. “Paul Rudd, do you know how hard it is to get a horse to stand still while you paint him?” And then I winked. Like that was the most clever joke Paul Rudd was ever going to hear, and thus would win him back.

So, this morning, I told the Butcher that I had a dream Paul Rudd broke up with me and he said, “Why would Paul Rudd break up with you?” which I thought was a really lovely compliment. Why, indeed? Some brothers, perhaps even this particular one at an earlier point, might ask why Paul Rudd would possibly want to date me.

But then I told him the dream and the Butcher said, “Oh, well, that explains it. How weird would it be to date someone who constantly called you by your first and last name?”

Fair enough.

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4 thoughts on “In Which I Break Up with Paul Rudd

  1. I know! No wonder he had to break up with me. I make him go to Cracker Barrel.

    Sorry, nm, I didn’t know. Had I, I would not have gone through the effort of painting a horse to win him back.

  2. Oh, did I never mention it? He’s been one of my movie boyfriends ever since Clueless, so it’s a long relationship as these nonexistent relationships go.

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