Day and Night

Walking the dog during the day: Doot doot doot. Let me protect you from this truck. Let me act like I’m going to poop, when really I’m just eating this thing. Did I mention I hate the head harness? I’m rolling down the hill! And I finally pooped. Doot doot doot.

Walking the dog first thing in the morning because the Butcher is still asleep for some reason (a girl is my guess): It’s dark! Where do I pee? It’s really dark. Where are we going? What’s that noise? Stop! What’s that noise?! Oh, wait, wait, I hear something. I stepped on something. Oh, it was you. Sorry. Did you hear something? OH HOLY SHIT! There’s a bird!!!! What’s that noise? Why did you step on me? Well, duh, I had to stop right in front of you. There was a noise. I see the cat!!! What’s that noise?

The dog makes me physically walk quicker, but today’s walk took ten minutes longer than usual. And he didn’t poop. Because, apparently, you cannot poop when birds are watching, or something.

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6 thoughts on “Day and Night

  1. This was my working theory for most of our walk, until he somehow saw the new kitty in the shadow of the shed. Though I suppose he could have smelled her? Something about the way he holds his head when he’s near me sometimes makes me wonder how well he sees. Like, I’m not sure he’s actually looking at me or at anything, really.

  2. Oh, I forgot to say that I happened to learn who the identity of the secret woman the Butcher was up talking to until all hours of the night! The Professor!

  3. Oh, I meant to write in this morning that it was me. But I couldn’t find a way to make it funny instead of creepy. And it wasn’t very late, even considering the time difference. You’re just an old lady who goes to bed early.
    I just hope that debate lessons sink in while drunk.

  4. If he can speak extemporaneously and wow the Green Party, I won’t be surprised if he’s an expert debater based on drunken lessons.

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