Swoon!

I want to write about my issues with “Beowulf” this beautifully.
“Beowulf” doesn’t fail because it changes the story: It fails because it is so busy juicing up the story that it does not create a mythical universe. It has no transfiguring vision. It seizes upon an ancient tale, whose invisible roots run deep into our [...]

The Transgendered Ruin It For Everybody, Therefore I Have to Take Over the GLBT Community

Via Salon.com, I have found an article so stupid (or perhaps intellectually dishonest) as to take one’s breath away.  In summary, transgendered people are ruining it for gay people by being transgendered because a.) everyone hates transgendered people, even gay people and b.) so it’s not fair for transgendered people to want justice, because now [...]

Fat Boys

Like I was telling Coble this morning, I’ve accepted that I’m fat because I’m decadent, lazy and immoral, hell-bent on ruining the Earth and hogging all the natural resources, while I fuck your spouses and eat your ice cream.  That’s fair.  I’ve made my soft and cuddly bed.  I’ll lie in it.
But I’m fascinated by [...]

“Treatment Effects”

I can add nothing more to this hilarious take-down of alli, except to add that the publicity department that is able to gloss over the fact that this drug is going to make you shit your pants should win some kind of prize.  I mean, they tell you that this drug will make you shit [...]

Once Again We Pagan Feminists Try to Ruin America By Turning Us All Mexican

Damn that Bill O’Reilly!  Here I am, sweating over a hot cauldron trying to come up with just the right mixture of blue agave and eye of newt for my potion designed to enchant hot Mexican men into sneaking over the border and becoming the sex toys/housekeepers of white women or running for office, you [...]

I Think I Worked for Henrietta Holsman Fore

I worked one summer packing Caterpillar parts. Words cannot express how much it sucked. Ten to twelve hour days six days a week standing there counting washers or bolts or wrapping huge brake drums in this paper that you felt was poisoning you with whatever rust-resistor they put on it and then you [...]

Detaining U.S. Citizens

I realize it’s been all immigration issues all the time here at Tiny Cat Pants and I promise we will soon get back to our regular man-hating ways soon enough, but once you start looking at something, you see some shit, you know what I mean?
And so today I’ve just learned that not only do [...]

The 100 Least Sexy Men

Via Broadsheet, I found the Boston Phoenix’s list of the 100 least sexy men of 2007.  Being a man-hating lesbian feminist who hates all other women and only has sex with men so that I can abort their fetuses, oh, and a witch, because I hate Jesus, far be it from me to defend the [...]

Eric Clapton, Go in Peace

Today I was listening to Clapton’s “Crossroads” and I didn’t change the channel.  I don’t think that’s ever happened before.  I guess I’ve made my peace with him.
It’s hard for me to put into words what annoys the shit out of me about Clapton.  I’m not opposed to British dudes recasting the blues.  I’m all [...]

Oh, David Foster Wallace, I Remember Now Why I Hate You

From Salon.com:
I like to teach freshman lit because ISB gets a lot of rural students who aren’t very well educated and don’t like to read. They’ve grown up thinking that literature means dry, irrelevant, unfun stuff, like cod liver oil. Getting to show them some more contemporary stuff — the one we always do the [...]

Do Dachshunds Make Everything More Awesome?

We should do some kind of test where everyone does their favorite thing, measures their pleasure in doing it (perhaps using the Libertarian Scale of Things to Panic About, if we can’t put it to any better use), and then does it again in the presence of a dachshund.
Because I am firmly convinced that dachshunds [...]

Newscoma, Don’t Get Above Your Raisin’, Now

Yes, I am so jealous that Newscoma is the featured blog at the Daou Report at Salon.com.
But I think it’s awesome as well.  Congratulations, Newscoma!  Now I can say I knew you back before you were famous.

Fish as Shareholders

There’s an excellent article in Salon.com today and I defy you to read it and not want to cause trouble.

Do you know about the American doctrine that says a corporation has the status of a person and enjoys all the legal protections afforded by the Constitution, including the right to own property? Well, beginning this [...]

Do You Ever Worry That You’re Being Subliminally Influenced?

I’m sorry to send y’all over to Salon.com, but I can’t figure out how to grab the advertisement I want to talk about. Still, I think you can see it on the main page without having to sit through one of their ads.
We’re looking at this strange Evian ad over on the left.
It opens [...]

I’ll Just Say Right Up Front that I’m not a Parent

We were spanked as kids, with a wooden spoon sometimes and with a hair brush other times.  We all turned out fucked up, but I don’t think it was because of the infrequent spankings.  At least, I remember them as being infrequent; maybe they weren’t.  Anyway, I don’t think we turned out fucked up because [...]