This Doesn’t Look Like Thursday To Me

And yet, it’s raining.  Had I known it was going to rain this morning, I would not have watered my plants last night.
Yesterday, I got a text message from Plimco in which she announced the reception of her afghan.  She confirmed to me what I suspected was true–that no matter how good it looked in [...]

Bad Night’s Sleep

Oh, y’all, I slept so poorly last night I can’t even tell you.  I’ve been waking up every day for the past week at exactly four in the morning and today was no exception.  Except worse, because, as I said, I had been sleeping like shit.
And why, you may ask?  Because even though I have [...]

Slaughter at Sunrise

Note from the Butcher: Sorry.  I spaced on getting you cereal last night.  Here’s five dollars for breakfast.
Note from me: Keep your blood money, you breakfast murderer.  I’ll just eat these saltines.
Voicemail from the Butcher: It would have been better if you’d have called me a cereal killer.

Wet Blanket

So, see, I’m totally justified in spreading out my completed, but sopping wet afghan on the Butcher’s bed to dry, not because he’s going to be gone for a few days only to call and ask what the name of the diamond building in Chicago is named (Smurfit-Stone) and not to tell me he got [...]

Don’t Try This at Home, Folks

America, I think I told you about this once, a million years ago, and bemoaned the fact that, though there was a picture of it, it had been lost to time.
No more.
One of the Butcher’s friends found a copy and sent it to him and he sent it to me.
I’m posting it because it’s the [...]

The Curly Haired Blonde

The Butcher is on the phone with the Curly Haired Blonde.  She called about ten minutes ago.  I assumed he’d hung up, since he’s been quiet for at least seven minutes, and then he said, “Belmont’s got nothing to be ashamed of,” which scared the shit out of me because I thought he was asleep.
But [...]

People to Whom I am Not Speaking

The Butcher.
No need to guess why.
I can only hope that I can give this to everyone at work before I am too sick to go.

Sympathy for the Butcher

The Butcher is so sick.  We spent the evening half-fighting about whether he should go to the emergency room.  Instead, he slept and puked and I sat there watching and being upset.
And yes, I know, when I inevitably get it, he will not return the favor.
But what can you do?  Fish gotta swim; birds gotta [...]

The Butcher Looks to You to Back Him Up

I bought a rice cooker.  The Butcher thought this was so hilarious that he demanded I immediately blog about it so that y’all could know that I’ve turned my back on conventional pots and pans.  He sat around all afternoon going “WRRrrrrr” until finally I was all like “What?  What?” and he said, “Oh, that’s [...]

An Open Letter to the Butcher

You’re going to tell me this is not the soul mate of the Orange Cat?

The Butcher’s Bride Price Just Went Up

So, yeah, I’m stumbling around this morning all forelorn that there’s no Diet Dr Pepper in the house and, though I could make it the rest of the day without one, I really, really need one in the morning.
And I come downstairs and make myself a bowl of cereal and open the fridge to grab [...]

Poor Butcher

The Butcher is so sick I about can’t stand it.  He’s doing a little better this morning, but yesterday, I was seriously worried.
But I also don’t want to hang out here with Mr. Sick Boy, so I’m getting him some clean dishes, some chicked soup, and he’s on his own.

The Butcher Insists You Watch This

The thing I think is so cute about it is how it just reminds you of how sexy Elvis was, because, even though Cash is poking fun at him, when Cash swings those hips, you kind of want to swoon.

Like that O Henry Story But Without the Artistry

Y’all I have been on fire in the gift buying department this year.  I have bought gifts so perfect for the people on my list that I fully intend to spend the next two weeks having to fend off the dreaded dry-no-lip-relative-mouth kiss.  You know the one, where they don’t really want to kiss you [...]

Who Will I Leave My Stuff To?

The Butcher demanded that I take a picture of his room so that y’all can see how clean it is.  I wanted to take a picture of the dresser that he and my dad refinished, the one with the marble top that about killed me when I was a toddler.
But then I started to get [...]

Oh, My Darling. Oh, My Darling. Oh, My Darling Car of Mine

I want two things from this day:
1.  To take the dog for a walk
2.  To have my car returned to me.
I guess I could walk the dog while waiting for my car to return…
Sorry.  I’ve been distracted.  Other people are asking interesting questions, though.  Check out Rachel and Mack.
What, you might ask, have I been [...]

So, I Shall Go to Target

The Butcher still has his hair, so I guess I owe y’all a bottle of shampoo, which we still don’t have, but I promise to pick up at Target.  I will just need a count of how many people I owe shampoo to.  So, everyone, raise your hand so I can get a count.
Anyway, I [...]

I am not as Bright as I Seem to Be

Did you know that you can drain your iPod and not realize it and become convinced that you’ve broken it and so you become all said because you cannot sing along with Neko Case’s “Tacoma” on your way to work and so you mope around all day until the Butcher is “Did you recharge it?” [...]

Open Letter to Whoever Helps the Butcher Christmas Shop For Me

I assume that’s probably the Professor or Mack, but on the off-chance he turns to another one of y’all, I want him to get me undyed cotton yarn so that I can dye it myself, which will be the most awesome thing ever.
Worsted weight.

I’m Gonna Take This Itty Bitty World by Storm

So, where were we?
Ah, yes, the Butcher and I were headed off to the surgeon for the initial consult.
Well, we went and I must say that I have been very, very pleased with everyone over at St. Thomas and find them all to be pleasant and professional.  This doctor was no different.  I filled out [...]

Happy Birthday Butcher!

It’s the Butcher’s birthday.  He’s the Dead Rockstar Age.  I will, of course, be keeping him away from juke joints, swimming pools, heroin, Parisian bath tubs, and Courtney Love this year.

That Old Black Magic

In the past, the Butcher has been less than enthusiastic about me stinking up the house every October.  So, honestly, I was glad he was making jokes about it last night.
We’re a good match, I guess, in terms of having eccentricities the other can stomach.
I’m torn because, basically, that’s where all my thoughts and energy [...]

I Have Found the Butcher’s Birthday Present!!!!!

Two quick stories about the Butcher.
1.  The very first CD he ever owned, he got for Christmas one year–the Led Zeppelin box set.
2.  We’re sitting in Sitar and I suddenly hear this woman start yelling the Butcher’s name.  “Hey, look, it’s [the Butcher]!” and everyone in the restaurant turns to look and see who this [...]

Suspicion Orbits My Heart

I come back from my walk to find my favorite cereals (Corn Chex and Kellogg’s Raisin Bran to mix together), cran-grape juice, chocolate chip cookies, and diet Dr Pepper.
I certainly hope the Butcher is not a.) about to deliver bad news or b.) buttering me up for something.
Did I tell y’all that he is taking [...]

A Man on a Mission

Y’all, there’s no junk food in my house.  In my fridge is an almost empty gallon of green tea and an almost empty gallon of cran-raspberry juice, along with a lot of beer and wine.
I’m not going to say one thing or another about it to him; he’d really like to be driving the van [...]