As You Know

I am a giant baby and a superstitious fool and so I’m about to do something that make me anxious, but I’m not going to tell you what it is until after, because even though I think it’s going to go poorly, I don’t want my high hopes and enthusiasm to be the cause of [...]

Senility Sets In

Not only can’t I figure out how to spell check in the new WordPress design, I have become one of those people who uses ‘effect’ when I mean ‘affect’ and visa versa.
Tune in later, when I begin writing only in text-message.
And later still, when I’m reduced to making a bunch of thoughtful grunts.
LOL.
pburbmp.

And I’m Supposed to Eat This Stuff?

When it comes to ground beef, the dog and I have a ritual.  The humans eat the beef and I roll her dog food around in the grease at the bottom of the pan and she eats the dog food.  We’ve been doing it this way her whole life.  No problems.  She loves it and [...]

My Day–1; Me–0

I should just drag my sorry butt home.  I might could vent, but considering the kind of day I’m having, the people I’m talking about would find it and know it was me and ruin my life.
But it’s the kind of day where you start to hope that it’s just PMS, even if it would [...]

If Only We Could Force People To Do What We Want…

–KAG has a post about Oatney’s love of large government.  She finds it odd, but then stumbles upon the real motivation for it: though conservatives traditionally favor small government, there’s a certain sect of conservative that favors using the government to make women’s lives as difficult as possible.  Is it tough on women to have [...]

Maybe I’ll Just Rent Forever…

So, I made the mistake of typing my numbers into the CNN “How Much House Can I Afford” calculator and it turns out that, the conservative estimate of how much house I can afford is -41,990.21 dollars and the aggressive estimate is -30,871.65 dollars.
I’m not quite sure what it means that I can only afford [...]

Just Me and the Dishes

I suspect that many if not most of y’all are tired of reading about me being sick and frankly I’m tired of being sick so we’re even.
Still, being tired of being sick does not instantly cure one of being sick.
I am feeling a little better today, though, and so I have set a goal.  Just [...]

A Semi-Open Letter to Other Folks Who Might Get This Flu

Dear Fellow Flu Sufferer,

At this point, I’m beginning to wonder if I’m cursed

I’m starting to wonder if I will ever feel better. I’m determined to find something amusing out of all this though. So here’s amusing thing number one.  I call it “The Case of the Too-Convenient Hymen.”
Last night on CSI Miami we discovered that a woman hadn’t been the victim of a rape because her hymen [...]

This Just Gets Better and Better

So, America, what are you doing?
Nothing?
You know what I’ve been doing?
Sneezing blood.
Yes, let me say that again.  Sneezing blood.
Oh, sure, I could put up with the coughing up blood or even the bloody snot.
But sneezes that send little brown flecks of blood all over the tissue and your hands and the front of your shirt?
Fuck [...]

People to Whom I am Not Speaking

The Butcher.
No need to guess why.
I can only hope that I can give this to everyone at work before I am too sick to go.

Sympathy for the Butcher

The Butcher is so sick.  We spent the evening half-fighting about whether he should go to the emergency room.  Instead, he slept and puked and I sat there watching and being upset.
And yes, I know, when I inevitably get it, he will not return the favor.
But what can you do?  Fish gotta swim; birds gotta [...]

Wait, You Mean It’s 8 O’clock, 8 O’clock?!

I’m with Sista Smiff.  It is too early to be eight o’clock.
Also, it looks like all this messing around with time doesn’t really do us any good.

But Don’t We Have an Imperative to Learn to Be Comfortable in Our Bodies?

So, I’ll just say up front that, yes, I’m fat and yes, I have mixed emotions about it, because, yes, I, too, wish I had a tiny smoking hot body and that when I walked in the room, people quivered just looking at me and I wish my dog could talk to me, too, but [...]

I Should Be Asleep

But I’m not.  I’m up and wandering around the house like an aimless fool.  I got about zero done on my list of things to do and I smell.
I’m so very, very tired, but I just can’t bring myself to go to bed.

An Open Letter to the Tennessean

Dear Tennessean,
I regret to inform you that your online presence sucks so much that it about moves me to tears.  As you are aware, since it passed right over you, like it passed right over me, we had incredibly bad weather last night.
As I was flipping back and forth between the networks, watching to make [...]

Look, Universe, I am Knocking On Wood. My Fingers are Crossed. I have Seven Four-Leaf Clovers. Back Off!

Really, what is up with this week?!
My dad has “something on the back of his heart.”
It’s almost Saturday, right?  I mean, seriously, this week is almost over, right?
—-
I don’t know any more than that.  He’ll get down to Champaign on Monday and they’ll be able to tell him something and, if they need to go [...]

What I’m Too Embarrassed to Show You In Real Life

I used to dream all the time that I was either drowning or suffocating.  It wasn’t unpleasant.  I’d just be under water or smothered with pillows and I would stop breathing and… nothing.  It would be warm and dark and nothing.
I would tell people all the time about my dreams and they would say that [...]

If I Believed in Astrology…

I’d believe that Mercury being in retrograde explains everything about how weird and grueling these last two days have been.
Instead, dear friends, I believe I’m going to have to suck it up and talk with someone about my panic attacks, which have become so terrible I about can’t stand it.  I missed a meeting last [...]

I Should Have Just Stayed Home and Sniffed the Air

I swear I’m having the kind of day where I’d really just like to sit in the back of a coffee shop with a friend and make bitchy, bitchy comments about all the people I hate until said friend has me laughing again.  I want to punch people.  I want to run over signs for [...]

My Day

I was having the kind of day where you discover that your webhost hasn’t uploaded the five photos you have to give them to upload because they believe that you are too stupid to do it yourself, nevermind that kids on that MySpace do it all the time, and it’s been a month.
But then something [...]

A Small Mystery

I’ve only been to pick the Butcher up at work today and yet, somehow, I’ve lost my cell phone.
Edited to add:  My phone has returned, leaving me to believe that the Butcher found it.  Because we all know the Ghosts of the Civil War never return anything.

Cute New Shoes + Three Hours of Walking on Concrete=

A broken B.
No one do anything interesting until I recover.

Weird & Interesting

I have been weird my whole life, but in an Addams Family/Munsters way, where I go about my life feeling rather ordinary and doing the ordinary things I do, only to have people feel the need to repeatedly tell me that I’m weird.  I’m never sure what, exactly, they think is so weird about me, [...]

Two Things I Hate

1.  I hate when you can see that you’re being stupid about a situation, but you just can’t get over being stupid.
2.  I hate when being stupid will come closer to bringing about a situation that you fear, and you can see that and yet you continue to act stupidly.
What good is self-awareness if you [...]