If I Believed in Astrology…

I’d believe that Mercury being in retrograde explains everything about how weird and grueling these last two days have been.
Instead, dear friends, I believe I’m going to have to suck it up and talk with someone about my panic attacks, which have become so terrible I about can’t stand it.  I missed a meeting last [...]

Just Tell Me Now So I know

Do the ways you’re screwed up get worse as you get older or will they eventually start to mellow?
I had a bad bit this afternoon, then drank too much to recuperate, and I still feel weird about it.
This whole heights thing has for sure gotten worse as I’ve gotten older and it interferes with my [...]

I Cannot Do Your Meme

Sometimes, you read to open your soul up to that Something so much larger and older than you, that Something that you feel like you share with everyone else who has ever curled up on a soft seat to read that book, too.
And sometimes you read to escape, to give yourself a break from what’s [...]

Let the Unfocused Fretting Begin

Among many, one of the reasons I was glad to go to Boston is just to be remined that I do actually like to travel.  When most of my travelling is for work, I forget that.  Because I really don’t like this part of travelling for work.
When I get to the airport, I’ll be fine.
But [...]

I’m Nervous about BarCamp Nashville

What if nobody likes me?  What if everyone else knows each other and I don’t know anybody?  What if they talk about a bunch of stuff I don’t know anything about?  What if they think I’m a nerd?  Also, will there be crafts?
And did anyone get a supersecret email this morning?  I did not.

Is It Too Much to Ask?

I want a cabinet like this.  I thought it might be easy enough to build one, but I think I might have been dissuaded from that.  But here’s the thing.  This is a hundred and fifty bucks and it doesn’t come assembled, which means, I’d still have to put it together.
I couldn’t do better putting [...]

With My Luck, I Will Catch the Black Plague

 
I have fleas.  Well, technically, I’m covered in flea bites, but I’m guessing that means something in the house has fleas.  The animals are all Frontlined (I believe.  The Butcher and I may have to have a talk about whether he’s been keeping the cats up to date.), but I am still riddled in little [...]

Birthday, A Recap

The Great:
Breakfast at the Mason Jar.  Have y’all ever been there?  I swear, I had eggs, bacon, home fries, biscuits and gravy, and a drink for like four dollars.  And it was so much food I almost couldn’t eat it.  An amazing amount of food.
Giving Little Pasture a Guatamalen baby.  God bless Brittney Gilbert for [...]

Justifing Myself

Blegh, y’all. It’s been a hard lunch hour. I feel like a shitty friend. It’s not important why except to note that I don’t normally feel like the most fucked up person on the block and then something will happen, like someone will be all “Why don’t we have peanut butter and [...]

Have I No Heart?

All right, America, I have to ask you the kind of question that, just by me asking, reveals me as some kind of thoughtless, horrible person.
I’ve listened to the tape of Alec Baldwin yelling at his daughter and I just have to ask, “What the the fuck is so outrageous about this?”
I mean, don’t get [...]

My Constant Companion

I just got off the phone with the Professor, which I highly recommend to everyone who’s feeling out of sorts. I, of course, was feeling quite out of sorts after being called a narcissistic princess by a man whose praises I spent all Tuesday singing, but I chose not to burden the Professor with that.
Instead, [...]

Well, That’s Weird

I had this weird brown itchy spot on my shoulder.  It was rough.  I planned on having the doctor look at it.
It just fell off.
I wonder if I’m asexually reproducing.

Fish nor Fowl

I had lunch with Mack today.  It was nice and I had a good time, but I didn’t like it.
That’s not Mack’s fault–I adore him–, which is why I’m filing this under “Ways I’m Fucked Up.”  He asked me a question and it was a good one, hard to answer, and it’s left me feeling [...]

Rigid Vs. Strong

I was thinking about this on my walk yesterday with Mrs. Wigglebottom, mulling it over after a rather grueling day at work on Friday, and I wonder if there’s some distinction between rigid and strong that I don’t make very well.
Here’s how I work, in general, “No, I’m not going to do that.  No, because [...]

The Freckle I Never See

When I was in college, I got sick. I don’t remember if it was the time I had pneumonia or some other time. It makes sense that it would have been when I had pneumonia, but it also could have been the year I spent drunk. Anyway, I was very sick, like [...]

Into a Corner

I’ve gotten myself into a corner with this Plimco thing and I’ve got no idea how to get out.  Everybody is well-meaning and everyone is doing what it seems like they inevitably must and I am stuck.  I think that means someone isn’t being forthright about what she wants and I’m just not seeing it.
Plus, [...]

The Mind Wanders Where It Will

Plimco has suggested something to me–I’m not going to mention right now what it is for fear of jinxing myself and thus not being able to complete it–but it is awesome and I am excited, which means that all I can do is mull it over.  I try to work, but the brain wanders right [...]

Blue Monday

The Butcher has decided that he might start looking for a new job in a couple of months.  My dad has started a subtle, yet effective, campaign to get us up to Illinois to see their new house. 
I get tired of how easily the same old shit sneaks up on me.
Today, I stumbled across [...]

This Year, I am Not Going to Get Freaked Out about Renewing the Lease

I try to take small steps on the road to non-fucked-up-ness.  Possibly, this means that I will never actually achieve non-fucked-up-ness.  This is fine.  I’m merely attempting to reach, “Easy for me to live with.”
I think the biggest step I took on this path was going to the bank this time last year and consolidating [...]

It’s Dark Out!

My landlord is still mowing our lawn.  I don’t know why, but it irritates me so much I got up from my nap, refrained from throwing chairs at him, and came over here to complain to y’all.
Who mows the lawn in the dark?
Sure, he can mow our lawn in the dark because the grass is [...]

How Do You Even Know to Do These Things?

I think about class a lot.  More so now than I did before I moved to Nashville.  Even when I first moved to Nashville, I thought about class but only in terms of how normal I was compared to the Vandy kids who had so much.
Later, I learned that it wasn’t that other folks had [...]

I Want to Have Kids

I doubt it’ll ever happen.
Today that makes me really sad.
Maybe I’ll go play Chuzzle instead of blogging.
—–

Unfinished

All evening long, I’ve been trying to write an email to my favorite married man.  A totally inappropriate email about his scruffy whiskers and where on my body they might scratch that I would find pleasant.
I couldn’t ever finish it.
I adore my favorite married man.  I think he adores me.  And I adore that kind [...]

A Brief Explanation

Listen, y’all.  I know it’s not been very much fun around here lately.  I’m sorry about that.  I know it’s not much fun to watch and that it seems like, if I’d just get my head out of my ass and stop dwelling on the bad shit, things would be fine.  I appreciate that sentiment.
But [...]

A Brief Programming Note

I’m done talking about the Butcher for a little bit.  I’m just irrationally despondent about it and it’s gotten into my body.  My arms and legs hurt and I’m having trouble moving.  So, yes, I’m avoiding it.  Yes, I know and have seen repeatedly that dragging the things that hurt you out into the light [...]