"I have to use self-promotion to promote myself."

On Thursdays, the Butcher and I go out to lunch. Sometimes, he brings his friend, the Redheaded Kid. I love the Redheaded Kid. You can’t not love a person who tries to convince you that he’s a giant and then, when confronted with the fact that he’s not really that much taller than you, looks at you, raises his eyebrows in a conspiratorial manner and says “A baby giant.”

Today, at lunch, I was hoping to discuss my brilliant plan in which anyone buying maxi pads would receive $1 off a pint of Ben & Jerry’s Ice Cream, but, sadly, an opportunity never presented itself. Instead, we ended up talking about whether the waitress at our trendy, yet PBR-y bar/restaurant, gave the Redheaded Kid two straws in his Dr Pepper because she a. needed a way to differentiate between the two Diet Cokes and the Dr Pepper or b. could clearly see that the Redheaded Kid was weird and thus needed two straws.

Then, we started talking about what we’d like to happen to us after we die. The Butcher wants to be put in a boat and set on fire and pushed out to sea. I want to not be embalmed so that I explode and rattle around in the coffin and freak out the teenagers who are creeping around the cemetery after dark. But the Redheaded Kid wants to be buried standing up, so that, and I quote “When the Lord comes back and raises us all up, I’ll already be standing and I won’t have to waste the energy.”

5 thoughts on “"I have to use self-promotion to promote myself."

  1. Or…what if there was an awesome new up and coming ice cream company that produced erotic ice creams with funny names that were puns? What if the maxi pad industrial complex helped to promote that fine new product instead of just stabilizing the market? And then one of the founders of said company could finally buy her private island…and maybe she’d be nice enough to invite Aunt B there. Now it is on the danged old internet. Someone will steal my brilliant idea for sure.

    Somewhat related…when do the I heart tiny cats pants tshirts come out?

    With much love – Super Genius

  2. To Super Genius — I’m with you on the t-shirts! Aunt b. — is it okay that I asked my baby brother (he needs a nickname) to create a logo for you?

    On a note related to your post — I tried Ben & Jerry’s “Chubby Hubby” ice cream last night. Fudge-covered, peanut-butter stuffed pretzels in fudge swirled vanilla ice cream. It has no business being that good.

    — Just call me the Corporate Shill (Party Line? Corporate Drone? Ms Dilbert?)

  3. What the heck is erotic ice cream? Isn’t ice cream, by its very nature erotic?

    And, I guess if one’s artsy-fartsy brother were to create a logo, some other one could figure out how to do that CafePress thing.

    But it’s going to have to be a heck of a logo–tiny, feline, and funny.

  4. OK…I’ll give you the essential erotic nature of ice cream. I was talking about my empire of erotically themed ice creams. Hopefully being a magnate of frozen confections will not require much precision on my part.

    Ms. Corporate Shill, you know what else would be cool – visors with the logo on them. For all the Aunt B readers who like to sit in the sun, play poker, or both.

    Word – Super Genius

  5. Once Aunt B. signs off on her logo (the corporate approval process is hell!) I’ll see what I can do about visors, magnets, t-shirts and the rest of the CafePress offerings. Woo hoo!

    — The Shill

Comments are closed.