Las Vegas

A list of important lessons learned in Las Vegas:

1. The word “Riviera” implies class. The implication is wrong.
2. The only thing funnier than having an academic conference in which a great many people do some kind of gender studies in a hotel whose logo is a line of women wearing nothing but g-strings, is seeing all of those academics in their nice clothes sitting out by the pool because it’s the only place for miles that doesn’t reek of smoke.
3. During a fire alarm at 2:30 in the morning, one can get up, go to the bathroom, put some clothes on, gather one’s money and room key, walk down three flights of stairs and outside in a calm manner, learn that the alarm was false, and get back upstairs to go back to bed while one’s across-the-hall neighbor is still running up and down the hall in her nightgown screaming about death.
4. On a Sunday, there is no such thing as “too early” to get to the airport. My flight left at 9:25. I got to the airport at 6:45. Because some jackass breached security right before that, they had pulled everyone off of all of the planes and ran them back through the metal detectors ahead of us.

The Politics Bar

While I was in Vegas, I briefly quit my job because I had the most brilliant idea for a theme bar EVER!!! You may ask why I’m sharing it with you on my blog. “Aunt B,” you may say, “Aren’t you afraid someone is going to steal your brilliant idea for a theme bar and use the time while you’re at work to pool a great deal of money and open said theme bar before you have a chance?”

Well, yes, my dear nieces and nephews. I was afraid of that, which is why I briefly quit my job. Unfortunately, even though my job only allows me to pool a very small deal of money, without it, I can pool none. So, I decided instead that I’d post my idea here and the date and time stamp would prove that I came up with the idea now, thus allowing me to sue the pants off of anyone who steals my idea. Of course, I don’t know what I’ll do with their pants, but that’s a concern for the future.

My idea is a politics bar; like a sports bar, but with many tvs turned to CNN, FOX, MSNBC (of course), and CSPAN, CSPAN2, and CSPANs 3-45 (depending on how many TVs I can afford). You can sit in my politics bar, drink, argue about who should be city dog catcher, and watch the Senate vote. During the presidential elections, you could meet up with your friends and watch the debates. On Thursdays, we’ll have an open mic night, but instead of folks singing or doing comedy, you’d stand on a soap box and pontificate about the day’s issues. In back, I’d have a patio for dueling. The jukebox would play only politically-themed songs, though we’d have a rule that you could only play The Battle Hymn of the Republic once a day.

Even now I’m brushing up on the words to Johnny Horton’s “Battle of New Orleans.”

So, if any of you have a lot of money and little sense, send it my way. This seems like an idea whose time has come.