Remake Me!

Today, for the first time in a long time, I caught David Frizzel’s song, “I’m Going to Hire a Wino (to Decorate Our Home)” which is, quite frankly, the country song most in need of a good remake. In fact, though I can sing along with the whole song, it’d been so long since I’d heard it that I’d forgotten how bad Frizzel’s version is.

Mostly, it’s not his fault, I don’t think. It sounds over-produced and a little too slick in that way that lets you know he’s singing it with his shirt a little too tight and unbuttoned just a little too far. It’s a product of the time. The lyrics, though, beg for a simple arrangement and a raucous delivery.

It’s the kind of song that everyone in the bar should be singing, but Frizzel’s version is straight out of the front parlor. Plus, it’s the kind of song that Tanya Tucker does so well, with the witty verses you can’t help but listen to and the chorus you can’t help but sing along with, but it lacks all of her gruff bravado.

And it really needs someone like Tucker, a woman who can capture the kind of frustration that results in someone suggesting that she’s going to let her husband’s friends slap her ass until they’re broke.

Maybe Gretchen Wilson could do it. They’re certainly positioning her as the next Tanya Tucker, but there’s something about Wilson’s perceived relationship to men that differs so greatly from Tucker’s, I just don’t know if it would work. Wilson would sing it like she was sitting on the couch, beer in hand herself, only halfway serious. Tucker’d be moving the couch to make way for the pool table.

I suppose I could do it, since I’m obviously fond of my own version. But my version only works in the shower, and my shower’s not big enough to have folks come over to hear it and not mobile enough for me to take it to Tootsie’s.

Walking the Bottoms

For as long as Mrs. Wigglebottom and I have been exploring various parks all over town, I’ve wanted to walk all of the Shelby Bottoms Greenway. The only problem was that I had no idea how long it was and I didn’t want to get to one end and discover that I couldn’t get back.

So, today, the Professor parked at one end and I parked at the other end and we walked from her car to my car.

It was awesome. We saw these vibrant blue birds and lots of mud puddles and it was raining, but only slightly. Of course, there were crows.

The whole thing took us about an hour and forty five minutes, which means, if the trail really is five miles, that we were walking a twenty minute mile. This means that if you are ever being chased by a bear, you probably want the Professor and me walking along that same path, because our only hope would be that we’re resourceful and would probably either devise a sophisticated kind of camouflaged or throw food at you to make it worth the bear’s while to keep chasing you instead of eating us.