Yahoo! Searches

One of the fun things about having this site linked to Sitemeter is that I get to see what kinds of searches, usually from Yahoo!, that bring people to Tiny Cat Pants. For instance, I now know that if you search Yahoo! for Dolf Lundgren, TCP is the fourth choice that comes up.

The vast majority of people who find TCP are searching for “girls and cars.” Ha! I bet they’re disappointed.

Sometimes, the searches are sad. A couple of people were searching for “when cops lie” and, though I don’t remember writing about that (the police have been pretty honest and accurate about what people in my life have been up to), the terms must be close enough that it delivers them to TCP. I’m sorry I don’t have any advice for y’all. I hope you get some, though.

In general, though, folks stumble across Tiny Cat Pants for all kinds of innocent reasons and they stay for about a second and move on to something more appropriate.

This morning, though, there has been a jackass. Someone in the eastern time zone searching for “tiny girls free sex.”

I don’t even know what that means–“tiny girls”–but I hope beyond all reason that that jackass is just looking for women who weigh less than 100 pounds. Or that it’s someone from the FBI looking for bad folks. But I doubt it.

So, let me just say this to you, Mr. Jackass looking for a little kiddie porn before work, there is no such thing as “tiny girls free sex.” It costs those girls for the rest of their lives. And, if there is any justice in the world, I hope you get caught and it costs and costs you.

You must feel plenty safe, in front of your screen, anonymously exploiting children for your own sick pleasure. But, dude, if I can know this about you–that you live in the eastern time zone, that you log on from the domain and that your IP address starts 12.215.205…. which are numbers assigned to AT&T Bell Labs and that you are running Firefox on Windows XP, and that your search brought you to this site at 8:38 this morning–from a free service, how much more can law enforcement learn about you just as quickly?

So, fucker, your sickness is leaving a trail all over the internet, and someday, with any luck, someone in law enforcement is going to follow it straight back to you and you can go to prison, where, I hear, life is great fun for folks who hurt kids.

8 thoughts on “Yahoo! Searches

  1. Now I’m a little worried. Not because I am looking for any kind of porn but because you could probably help my neighbors catch me stealing their wireless connections.

  2. Of course, we all recall that you were quite angry at the one who snitched on the secret candy sales in the old office. So, maybe I shouldn’t worry.

  3. maybe this person really likes to see naked little people over his morning coffee, but doesn’t like to pay for it. why do you always have to assume the worst?


    who you will note posts from a proper, central time zone

  4. I assume the worst because he wasn’t searching for “tiny women free sex.”

    But, you’re right. It’s probably this very trait–my pessimistic grouchiness–that’s keeping me from a full and happy life, complete with the latest, coolest status symbol–a boyfriend living in my closet.

    Cruel fate!

  5. Wow, I didn’t really know that you had your Patriot Act Stripes. Isn’t this
    a little out of line? I mean, you know nothing about this person except for
    a bunch of numbers and a time zone, and automatically this is a sick man?
    While we are wildly speculating about people you know exactly 5 things
    about, let’s consider that this might be a female intern making minimum wage
    and writing a paper about internet porn for her woman’s studies program.
    Someone who reads TCP (not unlikely – you have spent more than your share of
    years in the central time zone) sees the IP address which you have
    carelessly published for an emotional response, and the company name, and
    finds out who it was and fires them. She has to drop out of school, and we
    lose one of our own.

    And, since I read this site, are you monitoring my internet activity? Do
    you see the books I take out of the library? Are you reporting it to
    masses? Are you seeing that some sites I try to get on are blocked because
    of sexual content? When will you publish my IP address?

    Just because you have this information, I am not sure why you feel you can
    publish it.

  6. Okay, just to bring everyone up to speed, every website you, any of you, all of you, visit–Blogger included–as a matter of course collects your IP address, your internet service provider’s name (if it’s available), the timezone you’re working from, what browser you’re using, and what operating system you’re running. It will also note what page you came in on and what page you left on. If there was a refering page, it will note that as well.

    Sitemeter is just a free service that makes that information–which is already available to Blogger– available to me, and, in the cast of Tiny Cat Pants, you. If you click on the button at the bottom of any of these pages, it will take (and always has taken) you to the site statistics for TCP.

    I don’t have to provide this information to you, but I think y’all either won’t mind, or be interested to have made available to you information that is always already available to the ISPs and to folks who have more computer savvy than folks like, say, me.

    It doesn’t allow me to follow you around the internet–though there are yukky programs out there that a good virus blocker will catch which do allow the programmer to do so–or look in your bank records or see what you’ve checked out from the library.

    It doesn’t even turn me into some kind of Ashcroft-ian wet dream/nightmare (though the thought of John Ashcroft naked, singing that crappy song about eagles, and knocking one out to me is inexplicably hot to me…).

    It’s weird to see it the first time, I know. But I think it’s important to remind everyone, just so we’re all on the same page, that such information is always collected, and, in the cast of Tiny Cat Pants, always available for everyone to see.

    Privacy, in the old sense of “keeping shit you didn’t want people to know about you someplace where they can’t find it,” never existed on the internet. The only privacy, the only anonymity, comes from the enormous volume of materials available. There’s too much for most people to sort through in order to give a shit.

    But know this: when you look at something, anything, on the internet, something or someone is always looking back.

  7. JR–

    Is it fair for me to make a snap judgement about someone looking for “tiny girls free sex”? Maybe not. But I think it’s obviously more likely that this person was really looking for “tiny girls” porn and not “midget women” porn or not doing some kind of research paper.

    I didn’t track this person down and send him or her nasty emails; I didn’t call his or her internet service provider; I didn’t tattle to the FBI. I didn’t reveal any more information than is already available to everyone who comes to this site (and always already available to the companies who host internet sites) and I don’t know enough about him or her to even begin to guess where he or she lives, let alone ruin his or her life.

    It doesn’t matter if it was a deviant or a horny guy or a studious feminist–if they come into my sphere of influence through means that make me queezy, I’m going to say something. They should be made to feel uncomfortable and embarrassed. I’m not going to apologize for that.

    If I busted into your house during a dinner party and screamed “kiddie porn, yeah!” who would hold it against you if you yelled after me “go home, pervert?” or turned to your guests and made snarky comments about me?

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