Apparently we have some kind of traffic problem on Long Boulevard. I’m going to guess by the police and the presence of not one, but two, “How Fast Am I Going?” machines that people are speeding.
Well, Nashville, people are also speeding on Acklen Park. Adding more police presence is not going to stop this. Putting your dead snakes in the middle of the road will not stop this (though it slows me down, as I have to get enough leverage to drag the dog away from the corpses).
No, if you want to stop it, add some fucking stop signs. Put one at Acklen Park and Park Circle, so that people who are coming off of I-440 and sneaking through the back way can actually get through. Then put one right at Long and Oman or where ever it is that those people are turning left. Because, right now, they turn left like NASCAR drivers. If there were a stop sign, at least they’d have to slow down.
And, if the very strikingly handsome police officer who was getting out of his car the other day to check on things still needs something in the neighborhood to check on, I’m feeling very faint and could use a stimulating pat-down.