Now that I have the ear of two Nashville media outlets, I’d like to ask that the following things be investigated:
1. What is John Rich of Big & Rich hiding? Does he have a hideously deformed belly button? One lone giant boob? A small vestigial twin? What? Why is he always wearing things that hide his shape? Check it out. There’s always a coat or an untucked shirt or overalls or a guitar. What’s he keeping from us?
2. Are there really a series of tunnels under the downtown?
3. Can people still be buried on Vanderbilt’s campus? What is the criteria for getting that honor?
4. If someone were to make a fake Hall of Fame plaque, say with the likeness and biography of a Nashville blogging goddess, and place it in the Country Music Hall of Fame, how long would it take for anyone to notice? And, if someone were to do that, could you stick me by Willie Nelson or Sam Phillips?
5. How is it that it takes me 6 hours to drive from Nashville to Champaign, Illinois, no matter how fast I go or how few pit stops I make, and my dad can make the same trip in 5? Could someone follow him one time and see how he does it? Is he speeding? If so, why isn’t he getting ticketed? Does he know a shortcut? What?
Go get on it, Nashville media!