Things that Need Investigating

Now that I have the ear of two Nashville media outlets, I’d like to ask that the following things be investigated:

1. What is John Rich of Big & Rich hiding? Does he have a hideously deformed belly button? One lone giant boob? A small vestigial twin? What? Why is he always wearing things that hide his shape? Check it out. There’s always a coat or an untucked shirt or overalls or a guitar. What’s he keeping from us?

2. Are there really a series of tunnels under the downtown?

3. Can people still be buried on Vanderbilt’s campus? What is the criteria for getting that honor?

4. If someone were to make a fake Hall of Fame plaque, say with the likeness and biography of a Nashville blogging goddess, and place it in the Country Music Hall of Fame, how long would it take for anyone to notice? And, if someone were to do that, could you stick me by Willie Nelson or Sam Phillips?

5. How is it that it takes me 6 hours to drive from Nashville to Champaign, Illinois, no matter how fast I go or how few pit stops I make, and my dad can make the same trip in 5? Could someone follow him one time and see how he does it? Is he speeding? If so, why isn’t he getting ticketed? Does he know a shortcut? What?

Go get on it, Nashville media!

8 thoughts on “Things that Need Investigating

  1. The driving thing is actually a man/woman issue. That’s why we always want to drive, and why we always get upset when women want to pull over for directions. You HEAR “I know where I’m going–I don’t need to pull over for directions!” but what we’re REALLY saying is “Stop paying attention to where I’m driving so I can take the secret man-cut that will get us there in half the time!”

  2. Can people still be buried on Vanderbilt’s campus? What is the criteria for getting that honor?

    I assume first you would have to be dead.

  3. . Can people still be buried on Vanderbilt’s campus? What is the criteria for getting that honor?.

    No. There are five marked graves on campus and all of them are from the late 1800s/early 1900s. Bishop McTyeire and his wife have the most recognizable graves, in a small cemetery plot by the Divinity School called Bishop’s Commons. The cemetery also has three other graves, those of two bishops who were friends with McTyeire, and Landon Garland, the first chancellor of the university. No one else has been buried on campus. Although there are quite a few people in Benton Chapel. I don’t know if that one is still open for business or not.

    The criteria for being buried there was: you were either Bishop McTyeire (who convinced Cornelius Vanderbilt to donate money to create a university in the South. He also picked the site for the campus and oversaw most of the construction) or his friend. Or the first chancellor. Unfortunately, those positions have already been filled.

    Don’t know about the tunnels underneath Nashville, although that wouldn’t surprise me, as many cities have underground tunnel systems.

  4. I have heard via the “Daily Show” that there was a vast underground city that goes from Capitol Hill to the Krispy Kreme on Elliston/Church and 21st, complete with lost arks and temples of doom.
    As for John Rich, I know a girl who has first hand carnal knowledge of Mr. Rich’s anatomy. If anyone knows, she would. Details to follow.

  5. I don’t know about downtown, but VUMC has a tunnel system, albeit a well-lit built one. You can get across a lot of the medical center through it, from library to MCN, to hospital, etc. If you’ve ever been in downtown Knoxville and noticed what look like glass blocks in the sidewalk, it’s because there are “tunnel” remnants under there as well. Apparently around the 100 block of Gay Street, what is now the tunnel used to be street level. I worked in a building down there, and we had a section of the tunnel (it’s separated and walled off now) in our place. We used it for storage. :) On occasion a cat from next door would turn up in our “closet.”

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