Important Things I Learned Today

1. There seems to be one lone concrete pillar not connected to any piece of road over near the new Briley Parkway exit onto I40.

2. My parents both need constant reassurance that I am not a lesbian. They worry because I seem to be alone and they worry that I have found someone and am not telling them.

3. However, even though I am secretly marvelous enough to have a lesbian lover and important enough to her that she would put up with being forced to disappear whenever my parents came to town, I am too fat and ugly to ever get a man.

(As you might imagine, it does a number on a girl to try to follow the logical acrobats necessary to make sense of this, to try to figure out how that all fits together. Is it worth the effort to become beautiful so that I can take scores of male lovers they won’t approve of or should I figure out how to act on impulses I don’t have so that I can remain myself and take scores of female lovers they won’t approve of?)

4. Other girls they know, just like me–fat, alone, etc.–are really fucked up and so I might be as well.

Ah, y’all, it should make me mad, usually, this shit makes me mad, but I’m just tired.

Perhaps these are the callouses Short & Fat speaks of, the parts of your heart that get thick in response to constant bruising.

Ha, I only wish I had more unique issues.

Good night, all.

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5 thoughts on “Important Things I Learned Today

  1. something to look forward to: tofu turkey balls, yum yum. I could tell them my stories and make you look lots better, unless you mom already knows that in my world “dating” and “fucking” are synonyms, while “dating” and “practicing for commitment” are not. Although that might just be affirmation of 4.
    And maybe you aren’t tired or calloused over. You are just closer to healthy adulthood where you seek less and less approval from (Mother &) Father and are less hurt by their disapproval. Way to go! I only wish I was an adult like that.

  2. yeah, most of the stuff I was going to say the Prof. already covered from a different angle, so I’ll just add this little “ditto”.

  3. What is this word “healthy”? What does it mean? Its sounds are strange in my mouth, like something pleasant but scary.

  4. Hmm, Aunt B., it seems like you are in much the same place I was in when I was around 30.

    It will pass. I promise.

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