"I Hope When I’m Their Age, I’m Still Nailing my Wife"

I don’t like to think about my parents having sex. I assume they do. But I don’t want to hear about it. I’m glad the Butcher is so nonchalant about it. I’m glad he enthusiastically approves. But not me. I prefer strict boundaries between their sex lives and mine. I know that and they know that.

But that did not stop there from being a point tonight over dinner when I realized that my parents were discussing their sex life in front of the Professor.

Really, America, what has this family come to? Are we now discussing all of our most intimate moments with our family members’ friends? Am I obliged to call up the other Reverend and explain the myriad ways I went fumbling around young stoners in my parents’ basement in high school? Because I cannot do that. No matter how much they think chatty jokes about “knobs” are acceptable, I cannot talk about sex with my parents’ friends or with my parents, especially not in front of the Professor.

Still, if it had to come to this, I’m glad that I am not the only person who has to have the image of old minister/old school teacher sex seared onto her brain.

3 thoughts on “"I Hope When I’m Their Age, I’m Still Nailing my Wife"

  1. add to this the image of him in a cast using a scooter to get around – they are ready to experiment with other roles like patient and nurse or rich guy and franch maid … yeah, I’m with you. The Butcher is crazy. I could write some Freudian analysis of the whole scene last night, but that would reveal more about how my family relates and does not relate than really teach anyone anything about yours.

  2. Ah, this reminds me of one of my favorite moments in my relations with my wife’s family. I joined my wife, her sister, her niece and her mother after the first three mentioned had compared each other’s thong underwear. They were all discussing the advantages of same with Mom, when somehow or another, the niece, who was at that time something like 19, blurted out, “Do you guys know what’s really fun? Smoking pot before you have sex.”

    Meanwhile, when we go to visit my family, the same assumption we’ve had my whole life takes hold – nobody has ever had sex, except on those occasions when children were produced.

  3. Steve, as much as I like having friends who have families more like your wife’s, I’m very glad that, for the most part, I can just pretend that my parents ended up with us kind of on accident after a very vigorous hugging session.

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