It’s Like Middle School, but Better Looking

I’m constantly reminded of the ways in which life is just like middle school, but the boys are taller and the girls less openly cruel. I myself often behave like an overgrown thirteen year old.

Here are some of the many ways:

1. No matter how serious a conversation I’m having with Taketoshi, at some point, I have to insinuate that he’s making some reference to sex. For instance, he might say “Do I have to bring out Gertrude Stein again?” and I say “Is that what the kids are calling it these days?” Or he says something about rubbing Mrs. Wigglebottom’s belly and I say “Well, I bow to your superior knowledge of kinky sex acts…”

Really, America, there is no need for me to do that, except that it makes me laugh because I have the emotional maturity of an eighth grader and when faced with a smart, kind, well-spoken person, I feel compelled to make sex jokes to see if I can embarrass him.

2. Often, when reading Adam Ash (link is super for real not work safe), it’s all I can do to not write in the comments “Real Nude Thoughts: I hope this fucker doesn’t try to pay me with a check. I hope the babysitter won’t mind that I’m going to be a little late tomorrow. I wonder if I remembered to turn the stove off. How long does it take to adjust a light anyway? I hope Natalie remembers to send me that email address. Yeah, I’d do a Tera Patrick film, just for the side benefits.”

3. I woke the Butcher up this morning just to ask him if I was as scary as the rest of the family. He smartly said “no” at which point, I wandered off to take a shower, which I needed, because whoa boy did I stink!

This just in

Girls who are abused by their partners have higher incidences of STDs. Imagine that. If you’re in a relationship with someone who beats you, you might not feel like you can discuss safe sex options with that person. Wow, I bet they soon discover the Pope is Catholic. Will wonders never cease?

In other news:

Water is wet. (Not exactly work friendly)

Rex L. Camino is funny.

The Importance of Reading Carefully

So, I quickly skimmed Short & Fat’s latest entry and thought I’d gotten the general gist: SUV driving freaks bad, troop supporting pussies with yellow ribbon stickers good.

Well, you know me, any time I get a chance to support our troops and stick it to those gas-guzzling nimrods who think patriotism is analogous with unquestioning idiocy, I’ll take it.

So I did.

And then I went back and read the post more closely.

Well unfortunately, this was not exactly the stand Short & Fat was asking Americans to take and now I don’t think that big yellow sticker is coming off. It’s a mixed blessing, really. On the one hand, my sex life is pretty much ruined for the next little bit. On the other hand, I’ve got something no one at a state school in Wisconsin has, an effective means of birth control.