Doing My Part for John McCain

“McCain told the Star that, like Bush, he believes ‘all points of view’ should be available to students studying the origins of mankind.”–The Arizona Daily Star

Here’s one for the kids.

The world started like this: there was a wide gaping nothing for a long time and then at one end of the nothing, it grew very, very cold and at the other end of the nothing, it became hotter and hotter. When the ice from the cold end met the fire from the hot end, the energy that encounter gave off started up the universe and recognizable things began to emerge–the world tree and the forces of chaos and out of chaos, the forces of order.

As things became more ordered, earth emerged and water and mountains and trees and the sky and wind and clouds and animals and people.

Still, because nothing had any relationship to anything else, there was no history, and without history, there was no life as we recognize it.

People were like trees–we grew; we reproduced; we died. We had no way of remembering it.

But, as is the way of the universe–order emerges out of chaos before descending back into it again–and as we were ordered, we developed life as we know it, with wit and emotions, and senses and speech–that “vital spark” if you will.


Woo-hoo. It was hard to strip any mention of the gods out of it, but I think I did without masking my point. Now all I have to do is whoop up some quasi-scientific language to couch it in and I can get science teachers everywhere to further my own religious agenda!

Thanks, Senator McCain!

4 thoughts on “Doing My Part for John McCain

  1. If you haven’t seen it yet, the Flying Spaghetti Monster movement proposes a theory of Intelligent Design involving, yes, creation by a Flying Spaghetti Monster. (They call themselves the Pastafarians.) They can be found at

    The Onion also did a piece on “Intelligent Falling” as an alternative to gravity. Good stuff.

  2. haha i went and got the url for the onion thing to post here before reading the comments. well done, dean dad.

    here it is for anyone who wants to see it, by the way:

    Intelligent Falling Article

    p.s. i know people who actually thought this was serious when posted elsewhere just as text.

  3. I’m pretty sure Sarcastro is the Nashville Bishop of the Pastafarians, as he was the one who first alerted all us Middle-Tennesseans to the link between global warming and the decline of pirates.

    Pretty funny. I especially like the Flying Spaghetti Monster and Adam picture that’s going around.

  4. We will be holding Sunday Services at Amerigo’s this week, followed by a trip to Performance to buy pirate costumes.

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