The Narrows of the Harpeth

The park was gorgeous this morning, unbelievable. And when we got home, I didn’t feel like sitting around here all day actually doing work, though I still have stuff to catch up on from when I was sick.

So, after an early lunch, I put the dog back in the car and we headed west on 70. There’s something about rural Tennessee that makes me glad to be alive. I don’t know if it’s the trees all speckled in golds or the red flashes of the sumac along the side of the road or the rocky outcroppings along the curves. But I love it.

Mrs. Wigglebottom and I spent an hour standing in the middle of the Harpeth river. I was watching the sun sparkle on the water as it came towards us from under the bridge and then watching the kids having tractor races up on the bluff. I was standing on a dry rocky part of the river bed.

The dog, however, was neck deep in the water, splashing and yelping and shaking her head. She loves to spread her paws out as wide as they will go and then splash at the water and then bite the splashes. It seems like one of her favorite things.

After a long time, we got back in the car and put the windows down. I put my arm out, she stuck her head out, and we listened to Old Crow Medicine Show and thought about nothing in particular, except whether I’d be happier if I were a semi-truck driver and if I can get down to see the recalcitrant brother, who lately I’ve been really missing.

Well, that’s what I thought about. Obviously, I don’t know what the dog was thinking, though, I suspect she was thinking about the good feeling of cool wind and warm sun on your face.

To the Man in the Truck

Yes, I was pissed you cut me off, considering there was no one behind me and I was zipping along. And so, I acknowledge, it may have been confusing to see me start to flip you off, and then lower my hand, and start to laugh.

I just thought I’d explain it to you.

You have, next to your yellow “Support the Troops” ribbon, a “One Nation Under God” red, white, and blue ribbon.

You also have a Sons of Confederate Veterans license plate.

How do you reconcile your pride in one nation under god with your desire to drive around with a Confederate battle flag on your license plate? How do you reconcile your support for US troops with your pride at being a descendant of someone who sought to kill US troops?

I wondered about that on and off our whole time at the park. It’s certainly curious.

Let’s Let Mike Jones Take Care of Syria

According to Yahoo!, President Bush has told Condoleeza Rice to tell the U.N. to “convene a Security Council session ‘as quickly as possible to deal with this very serious matter [Syria].'” Of course, those of us in the sane world are afraid this is just the first step towards another misguided neverending war.

So, I’d like to suggest that, before we do anything rash, we let Mike Jones have a shot at diplomacy.

What does Mike Jones have going for him that George Bush does not?

Direct Communication

Mike Jones is easy to reach by phone. He often wears a t-shirt with his phone number on it so that when people need to reach him, they can.

George Bush has to tell Condi Rice to tell the U.N. to tell Syria to shape the fuck up.

Image and Suaveness

Mike Jones, if one believes his video for ‘Flossin,’ has a house full of beautiful women who all want his attention but who all also seem to get along just fine.

George Bush is surrounded by a lot of women who seem devoted to him and who seem to get along fine, butwell… you know what I’m saying.


Though both men are popular in their home state of Texas, their numbers in the rest of the country differ significantly.

Mike Jones can boast a #3 debut on Billboard.

George Bush’s numbers ain’t so great lately.

True Down-Home-ness

How bad did Mike Jones used to have it? “Befo’ my paper came, befo’ I got my fame/ These hoes* that’s poppin on me now didn’t even know my name.”

George Bush comes from a prominent political family. There have been Bush senators, vice-presidents, presidents, and governors. It’s safe to say that any hoes poppin on the president have long been familiar with his name and, of course, there never was a moment before his paper came.

Screwed, Pleasant or Not

Mike Jones is one of the most prominent artists recording in the “chopped and screwed” style** developed by DJ Screw–in which songs are freakily slowed down and lyrics stretched out for effect. Fun.

George Bush is a true innovator of the “chopped and screwed” method of war-making. Not fun.

Race Relations

Mike Jones likes white people. He even records with Paul Wall.

George Bush, as we know, “doesn’t care about black people.”

Though we failed to give ourselves all-new leadership, and since the President really needs to prove that he has some innovative ideas and that he doesn’t not care about black people, I hope that we can, in this one instance, hand the diplomacy over to Mike Jones.

* Please save the outrage about the misogyny in rap for someone who doesn’t have to play “guess which pharmacist will let me have the drugs my doctor says I need.”
** I just have to point out that the sexiest man in rap–Mr. Crump–has a chopped and screwed album, though that’s neither here nor there.