So, I was over at the Professor’s yesterday working on W.’s afghan while she cleaned.
“How tall is your cute boy?” I asked.
“6’2″ ” She said.
“Perfect,” I said, “I’m almost done with W.’s afghan and I want someone the right height to try it out.”
“I kind of had the feeling that W. was conservative.”
“Well, yeah, me too.”
“Then you need more blue.”
“I don’t know, but I’m just guessing that most conservative men don’t want a purple afghan.”
“Purple? No, it’s blue and red. See, it’s an artistic statement about the ways that people of different political backgrounds can bond over their shared love of afghans…” But folks, blue and red make purple. Prince would love that fucker.
So, off I went to Walmart this morning to pick up panty hose, pepper spray, and some darker blue yarn to try to fix things.
Would you believe that Walmart doesn’t carry pepper spray? I can buy something that will make me smell like deer piss, but I can’t buy some god damn pepper spray.
Anyway, I got to the yarn aisle and I was trying to find a dark enough blue to redeem this afghan in the eyes of my more conservative readers, when there, way down low, I saw the most beautiful green. Folks, I’m talking the kind of dark woodsy green you want to put right against your skin even before it’s crocheted into anything. A dark, manly, woodsy green.
And so then, I knew, the purple afghan is going to have to go to someone who likes to kiss boys–preferably someone who knows the joys of running your fingers lightly over a nice scruffy face.
And W. will have an afghan with this amazing green.
So, the purple afghan is going on hiatus and I’m starting W.’s today. It’s going to be beautiful, in a manly conservative way. I promise.