Bitching About the Bitchin’ Camaro

If I could have one thing back, I’d want my first car–that gold 77 Caprice Classic–the car we called The Beast.

I drove The Beast, most of the boys had Camaros*, except the jackass who had a Grand Am, and the guy who had an old two-toned F150, Shug’s cousin drove a minivan, the snotty girl drove a little S10, and so when we’d play cat and mouse out in the country, The Beast was the best chance at escaping the Camaros, for the same reason I could always beat them drag racing, if I got to pick the quarter mile–I never had to slow down for gravel.

Just a minute ago, it sounded like rain (though it doesn’t look like it’s raining, so I suspect it’s just an audio trick of the interstate traffic against the retaining wall–a river of cars sometimes sounds like water) and that got me thinking of driving The Beast around in the dark through the corns and the beans listening to Jim Morrison sing “My Wild Love,” which, like all Doors songs, I suspect, in real life sucks, but I love it.

On my way back from Georgia, I heard “People are Strange” on the radio and I was kind of brought up short. It’s so hard to hear songs you love with fresh ears, but sometimes circumstances align and you can hear what you heard that first time when you realized you were hearing something new and strange and that you must hear it again.

I’d love to see if a girl can slide behind the wheel of a car she still dreams of, and feel something new and strange that she must drive again.

*GM discontinued the Camaro** because they thought it was a car for trailer trash and they felt that it was bad for their image (Ha, ha, I bet you wish you had something to compete with the Mustang now that you need the money). After that, I didn’t feel too bad about buying a non-GM car, jackasses. I’m glad the Corvette is the car of old rich men overcompensating for their lack of self-esteem and that driving one doesn’t say “bad ass” so much as “rich fucker.” (Except the Stingray, which I love.) I’ve reveled in your marketing problems since the day you sold us rural kids out. Don’t believe me? I’ll put you on the phone with one of your engineers, who can attest to my weekly mocking of your crappy commercials.
**HOLY SHIT!!! I had to footnote this footnote to point out that this will be the topic of conversation with the Man from GM today. I bitch about this all the time and he’s been totally silent. Fucker. But that is beautiful.

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4 thoughts on “Bitching About the Bitchin’ Camaro

  1. Actually i luv my camaro so me and all who own them (which allot do) dont give a f*** about what you have to say. Run your mouth all you please , ignorant is what you are

  2. Don’t worry about the dumbass, ill race him anytime , what u think z28? wanna race this moron who’s jokin’ on out camaro’s?

  3. Can any of you idiots read? If you could, you would clearly notice that I, myself, have an undying love of the Camaro, which is why I complain constantly to GM about them having discontinued it.

    But whatever. Enjoy your meth addled ramblings. I am.

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