To My Gentlemen Readers

Just a note to say that, if you can still smell your cologne at 1:08 in the afternoon, you are wearing too much. Tone it down.

The rest of us will thank you.

With smooches, if you’re lucky.

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Lunch with Brittney

I just got back from lunch with Brittney from over at Nashville is Talking. She was wearing a skirt so cute I about died of delight when she walked in the restaurant. I gave her the somewhat purple afghan, which she liked, and then we spent the rest of the hour talking about the joys of liberal feminism.

I would share them with you, but they are secret joys, and many of you, I know, have not even gotten around to learning the Tiny Cat Pants theme song. I’m not going to be sharing secret stuff with you if you aren’t willing to learn and regularly sing the Tiny Cat Pants theme song–which, I will point out, is short.

Come on, now, all together:

Aunt B. is so great
Aunt B. is so fine
Like a star in the night sky
Her greatness does shine.

All of the straight men
And some of the girls
Would like to make Aunt B.
The Queen of their world.

Jean Claude Van Damme has a healthy ego

I just caught a few minutes of the Jean Claude Van Damme movie before work. I don’t know what it was called, but the premise seemed to be the same as Pee Wee’s Big Adventure, in that he was very anxious to find his bike.

Anyway, that’s not important. What’s important is the scene I saw, in which he fucks two women while some old woman looks on. Cut to the exhaustedly-fucked women sleeping while he gets up in search of his bike. One of them asks the other where he’s going. The other explains. The first asks where he gets all that energy. They resume their post-coital slumber.

Then, he goes outside, grabs a blanket off the line and covers up the old woman who is now asleep on the ground outside the window.

Yes, Jean Claude Van Damme made a movie in which he insinuates that even watching him fuck is exhausting.

I’m convinced that Van Damme thinks modesty is a city in California.

More About Why the Democrats Suck

As I see it, then, the Democrats have themselves in a bit of a bind with this whole “elite” business. It’s actually complicated in two folds.

The first problem is that you can’t both project an aura of elitism and attempt to appeal to the middle. You can’t both say “we’re better than everyone else because –we don’t live in a red state –we went to a private school –we live in New York or LA –we read the Times –we go to the theater –we’re artsy and pretentious –or whatever” and “we’re really the party of moderation, unlike those extreme crazy rightwingers. Our values best represent middle America’s values.”

You see what I’m saying? There’s no way you can be snobby and think everyone who’s not like you sucks and is retarded AND convince “mainstream” America to vote for you (though, I’ll admit, I firmly believe you can convince “mainstream” to vote for you if you think everyone who’s not like you sucks and is retarded; it’s the snobbery that sticks in the craw.)

But the second problem is that even if such a strategy worked to attract these mainstream voters, it alienates your middle America liberals.

Liberals out here don’t have the luxury of being surrounded by a bunch of other liberals who have a lot of power. We don’t get to stand around at cocktail parties in our big Democratic stronghold urban areas secure in the knowledge that, even if the rest of the country hates artists and queers and uppity bitches, we can always jet to Europe and bitch about America there if things get too uncomfortable here.

We don’t need a party that’s just like the other one, but with less backbone. We need a party that puts our interests first. Maybe the Democrats in power haven’t noticed, but, if we want to vote for people who don’t like us, there’s already a party for that. When we hear you say “we’re going to find the middle ground and govern from there,” it doesn’t make us want to vote for you. It makes us want to throw up our hands in despair and not vote at all.

Vote from the middle? Have you seen the middle? Have you seen most leftists? We don’t want to support a party that attempts to reflect the values of middle America because 1. The agenda-setters for the party don’t live in middle America. They live on the coasts. So they don’t actually know what the values of middle America are. They have their Hollywood ideas of what they imagine those values to be; and 2. Those values that you imagine all of the heartland sharing come at our expense. Your imagined middle America has no room for gay marriage or women’s medical autonomy or free artistic expression or even real liberalism. Why should we remain onboard for that?

[Edited to add that Jackson Miller has some smart things to say about this, as well. Go check it out.]