I’m Always Keeping You Up to Date on the Cool Stuff

Ubiquitous commenter W. finally has a blog. I see I’m supposed to make with the “mentor-like” activities. I’m not sure what exactly “mentor-like” activities are… maybe I’m supposed to get him some comments, of which he now has zero.

So, folks, go give the man some comments. If you can’t think of any, feel free to borrow one of these:

  • I like cheese.
  • Clearly, you’ve been educated beyond your intelligence.
  • Heidegger says that the shores themselves don’t come into existence until the bridge is built. What do you say?
  • That’s cool, but what about cooters? I love cooters.

Also, some site called Martini Ministry has been sending readers my way. I don’t know who this person is, but I love the idea of a Martini Ministry and her word of the day is “colpocoquette” which is a “woman who knows she has an attractive bosom and makes good use of its allure.” If only I knew how to pronounce that, I would use it all the time.



Plus, I had some thoughts on what little bit of the Grammys I watched before I got sucked into Skip Gates’s latest PBS thing. Here they are:

  1. Gwen Stefani. God damn it. I used to hate her. But seeing her all fat and happy, wearing what appeared to be some kind of weird animal print slip cover? The seduction is complete. I love her.
  2. If I can count your ribs between your tits, you are too thin, Sheryl Crow.
  3. Kelly Clarkson just cutes me half-to-death.
  4. Kanye West. I love you and your crazy ass ways. But if it’s cold enough that you need to be wearing gloves, you do not need to have your shirt unbuttoned that far.
  5. I don’t know when it happened, but Madonna now looks like a very skinny version of my grandma. This should gross me out, but I miss my grandma, so I find it comforting to watch Madonna turn into her.

And then Skip Gates’s thing. You know how I have this sneaking suspicion that all “Bessie”s are amazingly kick-ass woman and that I’ve been cheated by not being named Bessie? Well, I’m beginning to suspect that “Skip” is a clear sign of a cool man. My love for Skip James cannot be understated and now Skip Gates has won his way into my heart by limping around on a broken ankle, informing Quincy Jones that he’s 33% European.

Probably nothing would make me happier than heading down to the recalcitrant brother’s house to swab for DNA and be able to have Skip Gates sit across the table from him and say in his way, “Recalcitrant brother, how much sub-Saharan African DNA do you think you have? Well, it’s 10%!!!” or whatever. That would tickle me to no end.

8 thoughts on “I’m Always Keeping You Up to Date on the Cool Stuff

  1. Don’t get saucy with me, young man. I think part of my mentoring duties include throwing things at you when you get saucy, so let’s not start down that path.

  2. I have last night’s PBS thing on tape to watch when I get back to Nashville. But you’ll be sad to learn about what you missed in the first segment: the Gates family has this old belief that the old matriarch was given a house by her owner, and the supposed father of her children, after empancipation thus starting them on an upwardly mobile path. Skip got a geneologist, who is a descendent of the owner guy, so they’re probably cousins, right … Well, they are not. Of course, Skip’s got lots of caucasian in him, just not from that family. Ha, ha. It was funny in a way that made us thing about narrative truth and scientific truth. I can’t wait to see what positive claims he learns in Part II.

  3. “If I can count your ribs between your tits, you are too thin, Sheryl Crow.”

    Thank you B for pointing that out. Thin can be attractive, but famine-wrought is not.

  4. I think she’s normally really beautiful, too, so I was alarmed to see how gross she looked. Does she have no friends who will take her aside and make her eat some chicken fried steak?

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