Things I Worry About, in No Particular Order

  • That the Butcher is miserable and thinks he’s shielding me from it.
  • That I frightened y’all off with my craziness.
  • That the tiny cat has some real medical problem which is why she pulls all her hair out every winter and I’m not doing enough to insist that the vet figure out what it is.
  • That contrary to all evidence, Mrs. Wigglebottom will someday eat me.
  • That I will never have a place to call my own.
  • That the tiny cat is eating the dog’s food even though her own food is right there.
  • That one of us will wreck my car and then neither of us will be able to get to work.
  • That I will always be poor.
  • That I do think too much about this shit.
  • That our landlord will evict us for no reason.
  • That the recalcitrant brother will go to prison.
  • My nephews.
  • The weird tiny bump on my knee.
  • What if I go blind?
  • Where am I going to come up with the money to get some new shoes?

Hey. That’s it. Even if I give myself over completely to worry, I can only come up with fifteen things that are paralyzing me with fear.

Fifteen’s not so many. Fifteen’s doable. I can handle worrying about fifteen things.

Naming them was a good idea.

9 thoughts on “Things I Worry About, in No Particular Order

  1. I can only help you with one, for sure: you haven’t scared anyone off with your craziness. It’s one of your best features.

  2. Well, let’s just hope that the bald Tiny Cat doesn’t wreck your car (a la Toonces) with you and Mrs. Wigglebottom in the back seat while you are all in transit from the poor house to visit the Recalcitrant Brother in prison.

    You’d REALLY be fucked then.

    See, don’t you feel better now?

  3. Oh, y’all! You make me laugh so hard that I wish I were sitting in a cafe having coffee with you right now.

  4. Let me assure you that it is your crazy quotient (CQ!) that brought me to your site in the first place. And as the owner of Martini Ministry, may I recommend the calming power of the cosmopolitan? Unless you’re in recovery. In which case, nevermind. And sorry. Toonces!!

  5. I would give just about anything to be sitting with you in a cafe right now. I’d even buy!

  6. No! No! No! You’re not supposed to think about shit like this in DAYLIGHT! You’re supposed to let it dump on you at 3 in the morning! Yeah! Rip the lid off that festering cesspool of deepest anxieties when it can really mess up that night and the next day, by keeping you from getting enough sleep.

    Cheese, don’t you know anything?

  7. I love your site!

    I have one cat who loses hair every winter. My vet is not concerned (said cat “Bert” is 13 years old) Also the tiny cat should probably not eat the dog food. Cats are totally carniverous and he/she may be losing out on nutrition if it is filling up on dog food which has a lot of grain.

    Hope that helps diminish 2 of the anxieties.

  8. Poor tiny cat. I haven’t figured out how to keep her out of the dog food. She eats the cat food, too; she just also eats the dog food.

    But holy shit! I just thought of something. She only eats the dog food when she’s cooped up in the house–during the winter.

    I wonder if she’s allergic to it or if it’s causing some kind of vitamin deficiancy that is making her hair fall out.

    I’m going to run this by the vet. I hadn’t put those two things together.

    Knucklehead, but if I stop, there goes my porn career. Tiny Cat No-Pants pays my rent every month.

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