So, Plimco asked me if I was going to be in it, because I had neglected to say. The answer is, crazy enough, yes.
Loyal readers, let’s think back to that moment, not even a year ago, when Jon Jackson asked me to have some drinks and shoot the shit. Do you remember how nervous I was? I was dying. I was so nervous that Jon was shocked that I actually showed up.
So was I.
So, folks, let me just kiss your butt for a second and say “thanks.” Because, really, in real life, I’m an awkward person. Not exactly shy, but not really graceful in social situations. But y’all have given me a chance to practice being confident and self-assured and now, because someone read someone who read Tiny Cat Pants, I’m going to get up on stage in front of the whole damn city.
It’s pretty strange, but I’m thrilled.
Tiny Cat Pants 
AAAK! That’s so exciting! I wish I could see it. Break a leg…or a clitoris or something.
The best advice I can give you? Masturbate before the performance. Not because it’s a show about vaginas and is incredibly apropos, but because it will make you relaxed and happy and focused and ready for your public. Thank you, that will be $39.95.
Does that mean comps for all regular readers of Tiny Cat Pants?
Break a clitoris? That cracks me up.
W., all the proceeds go to Magdalene House, so I’d hate to deprive all my regular readers of the chance to help a worthy cause.
Yeah, right, Plimco. Any excuse to masturbate.
“I’m doing it for the show.”
Perhaps, for your own special twist you can work the boob freckle into your monologue. The more the merrier! Good luck!
I will totally be wearing the good bra, so maybe I can work a little something to at least give the boob freckle a public airing.
All right, boyscout. I masturbate all the damn time. I never pretended to be shy about it.
I’m just saying, it is ESPECIALLY beneficial before one performs.
I’m just saying…
That is awesome, B. You rock! When are the performances? I have to come down and see you. I mean, I know that I’ve seen and read you talking about your cooter a million times before. But still…
Miss J
There’s just one show, the 25th at 9:30 at the Belcourt, which is, if I recall, where your sister’s lover works.
Cool, it is always great being on stage, unless it sucks, and you get sick and vomit, especially in front of the crowd who paid good money to see you perform.
I’m sure that won’t happen to you though….
Sorry, mild attempt at being funny. Congrats, you will do great. If it helps, stand up there an imagine me in my underwear, that should be all you need to fight off that stage fright. Of course, the laughing and pointing might make people wonder what you are on…but give it a shot.
Okay, if it’s for a good cause I’ll overlook the lack of free tickets.
You know what this means right? Your cooter is going to be a star, so you want it to be at it’s best. That means no using it until the show.