A Napkin Cooter

Fritz is just as cute as the dickens. Cute like you would not believe. I overwhelmed him, though, and apologized profusely for overwhelming him, but could not help it.

I blathered on about everyone. I called Sarcastro and asked him impertinent questions on Fritz’s behalf. I talked about how cute Bob Krumm is in real life and why I adore libertarians. And then, I made him a little napkin cooter and showed him around it.

I could see the look of terror in his eyes and yet, I could not stop. No, once the folds of the napkin looked sufficiently cooter-like, I had to point out the particular features of the landscape he should be sure not to miss if he ever encounters one.

I believe he then left the restaurant to go in search of a men’s-only island where he could live.

Really, it’s amazing that people want to meet me. I am a total crazy mess.

Sorry, Fritz.

[Edited add: Here’s Fritz’s take.]

15 thoughts on “A Napkin Cooter

  1. Hey B, too chicken-shit to meet a flesh and blood Hetero? Huh?

    BTW, you’ve taken origami to places it was never intended to go…I’m just sayin.

  2. I was under the impression that the charming libertarians were flesh and blood heteros, but, Mack, if you have photos that prove differently, I’ll give you $25 for them.

  3. Ha, Mack’s comment has vanished and so mine makes no sense. But I’m still leaving it, because it makes me laugh.

    Sarcastro, I’m pleased that I can be used as a way to bring about your libertarian utopia. I was afraid you’d just run me over as soon as the revolution started.

  4. Many are called, few are chosen.

    I’m still seeing Mack’s comment. Maybe it vanished because he realized the tone of it made it self-fulfilling.

  5. Fritz is a good, sweet fella, B, and you were just being your usual helpful self. It’s just when we get to pointing at and/or creating paper versions of body parts across the lunch table that we alarm the more shy, retiring folk. Regardless of their preferences.

    I don’t think I’ve ever made origami body parts for dissection and discussion at lunch, but I sure frightened the stew out of two co-workers one time when they tried to embarrass me in front of a client at lunch at Midtown. (Midtown!) Dudes, I cannot BE embarrassed. You, however, CAN. And WERE.

    And the client never was the wiser. Muwahahaha, and schwing!

  6. If only you could have shot a ping pong ball out of the napkin cooter.

    That would have sent him running, arms flailing.

    Save it for next time.

  7. Fritz gets napkin cooters and I get stories about Mrs. Wigglebottom? I like stories about Mrs. Wigglebottom but damn…..

    I suppose Fritz needs the occasional exposure to a cooter just to keep him grounded.

  8. W., you’re an attractive man in his thirties. I assumed you knew your way around a woman’s cooter. My sincere apologies.

    Now that I know how to scrunch up a napkin so that it sort of resembles one, I promise that the next time you take me out for lunch, I will show you around a napkin cooter.

    I will not, however, shoot ping pong balls out of it. I’m saving that for the Wayward Boy Scout.

  9. While I do know a little about cooters, I never turn down advice from an expert.

    When you do the ping pong trick, aim for his eye.

  10. I’ve learned the hard way that if you try to blind the guy once you get his face down there, it ends the fun real quick.

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